RJ Ramblings

Hey everybody! 

Before I start rambling today, I want to sort of talk about the ramblings themselves. Sometimes, I can get pretty negative in these ramblings. I always try to be honest with you all and let you see my struggles as well as my successes. And there are definitely both. The ramblings are not always happy, but they're not always sad either. I think most people have ups and downs in their lives like that. I'm just sharing them with you. 

So when I have a down week, and I tell you that I'm feeling down, it's not a cry for help, I'm not asking you for advice, and it's not me seeking a shoulder to lean on. I'm doing fine. I'm just sharing my thoughts with you, which happen to be down at the moment. So please, offer your sympathies and your understanding, but I don't need advice unless I specifically ask for it, and I'm not seeking help from anybody, and I absolutely do not want to hear people tell me to take a break from making the game. I understand the sentiment, but that honestly drives me crazy. 

Okay, with that out of the way, this week is a down week. Mere hours after I posted my last weeks ramblings, I got a call from my mortgage company, saying the the guy who had been working my case is no longer on my case, because he messed everything up. He had been telling me that we're all good, that we're just waiting for the closing date now, that I'm all approved. But now, I'm not. The company could not approve me, because with self-employed people, you have to average out the last three years of income, and while my last year was good, the two before that were not. So, now everything with the house is up in the air. We would not have moved forward with this house had I not been told that I was approved. I have already signed contracts at this point and if I pull out of them, I'm out about $3000, which suuuucks. But worst of all, I'm probably not going to get this house, which I was completely in love with. We're still working some things out. It's still possible that we get the house, but it's feeling pretty unlikely. So I've been struggling with this mentally for the last week, and it's been extremely stressful and frustrating and has been making me sad and angry at the same time. 

So that's where I've been mentally. Physically, my allergies have hit me very hard and are the worst that they've been in a long time. I look like I got punched in both of my eyes and then slapped around in the face a few times too for good measure. I've been sneezing so hard and so often that my abs are KILLING me, it feels like I have razor blades in my nose when I breathe, and my eyes will not stop watering constantly. Add to that some woman issues that I won't go into detail with, and I've been absolutely miserable this past week. 

And now that I've vented all of that out, I'll try to let it go and move on. In my spare time the last week, I've been playing through Mass Effect still. I finished Mass Effect 2 and am in the middle of Mass Effect 3 now. I've really been enjoying replaying these. I also picked up the Resident Evil 4 remake and have slowly been making my way through that. It's a stressful game, so I'm only doing little bits at a time. I obviously have enough stress right now. 

I've also gotten back into miniature painting. I painted a couple new figures over the last couple of days and I've posted those on Discord. I also picked up an airbrush to try my hand at that for the first time. It's been very fun and relaxing to do, and I'm happy to get some of these miniatures painted. I probably have like 300 unpainted miniatures in tubs around here. 

That's about it for me really. We were thinking about going out to see the Dungeons and Dragons movie, which will be the first time I've gone to the movies in a looong time. I haven't gone in a while, because my anxiety is so bad, but lately my anxiety has gotten a little better. I don't know if that's just because I haven't actually gone anywhere in a while, or because I'm actually feeling better about things, but it's a good thing, and I do WANT to go out, which is not a normal feeling for me. But, with my allergies being so bad, I'm not sure I want to be seen in public, looking like a beat-up raccoon. 

Okay, I'm gonna stop here and get back to work. Hope you all have a great week. I'm sure mine will get better. Love ya!