Nemmys

My dear ones, I want to be honest with you

Added 2025-04-24 13:09:23 +0000 UTC

It’s been almost a month since I last visited Patreon. During this time, I’ve lost not only a part of my income, but also my connection with you — the people who have supported and inspired me all this time. Some of you wrote to me, worried, asking where I’ve been… And I feel deeply ashamed for staying silent.

The truth is, I’ve been going through a difficult period. After returning to Ukraine, my mental state worsened. I fell into depression and realized I couldn’t manage on my own. I’m now working with a psychiatrist and therapist — my sixth specialist. I truly hope this time I’ll get the help I need.

One of the assignments I was given in therapy was to write the story of my childhood. It was a long and painful process. My childhood was far from easy, and revisiting those memories was even more difficult than I expected. I wrote a long piece that I now read during my sessions.

On top of that, our family suffered a loss — we lost a loved one in the war.

These days, it’s hard for me to even get out of bed sometimes, but I force myself to. I’ve started going to the gym again. It’s not easy, but I think it’s helping. Cooking and eating — simple things — also help me hold myself together.

I’m sorry for the silence. I’m back now. Slowly. Bit by bit. Sometimes through sheer willpower.

I’m beginning to think about creativity again. Some new ideas have started to come to me.

It’s hard to admit, but I’ve gained 6 kilos — and at my height, it feels like a lot. Some people say I look more “peachy,” and that’s sweet, but I want to return to the way I used to feel — more confident and comfortable in my own body.

I’m sharing all of this not to ask for pity, but because I want to be real with you. Thank you for staying with me.

*I am attaching a photo of my life. You never know what is behind a person's smile. From days of calm to a panic attack right in the gym.*