Obstacles are just there to get us hyped for victory

Soundtrack: Dark Waves by Attack Attack!

Life, like most things, is not some linear constant that we can easily sail with cruising winds behind us while we sip on a cocktail and enjoy the breeze. Life tends to shake us, sometimes flat out smack us with a closed fist and then laugh at how weak we truly are. Other times every step we take feels like it was preordained by some god-like entity from the depths of the unknown and endless cosmos, as if we could do no wrong no matter which way we choose to go. 

For us here at Bat Studios, it might be the former this time around. The number of hours a day is not enough to achieve everything we planned. I am now going through a more depressing episode again. It comes in waves, like I wrote about in the last few entries. I've been having weird dreams recently, where she's still alive, that I can still talk to her. I was telling myself in my sleep not to wake up because then it would all be gone. I thought I was getting better, but I was also warned that feelings of grief and hope would oscillate at random intervals, and go from high to low whenever they want to... 

As for the novel, we're behind on Chapter 4. Or I would say that with a straight face if we didn't have the holidays 2 weeks ago. I can't possibly ask Tito and Rlion to work through their holidays and not enjoy them with their families. Then on top of that, there are real-life issues that come up. In my case, I've been hit with multiple invoices for my mother's flat and all the utilities there that I need to pay for the next 3 months, then renovate the flat to hand it over in the original condition it was in a bunch of years ago. I also need to apply in various places for various certificates. It's beyond baffling that the German state is incapable of issuing an all-purpose death certificate. I got one that I can only use for one type of paperwork. I would say they are amateurs, but that would be insulting to actual amateurs. I am not going to complain more than this because nothing is going to change either way. I have to wait and see if everything is working as planned based on all the paperwork that I did.

What I mean to say with all of this is that we're also stressed with our personal lives, so we can't be fully dedicated to this as we might like and want. I know both Tito and Rlion have their problems too. We're just 3 people who are working on this project in a somewhat full-time capacity, so we don't have a fallback in terms of personnel to take over if one or more of us can't deliver one month or the other. We're doing our best though. 

To this end, I will set up some goals for the Patreon page so that at least one of us three can be paid to work full-time for Light My Way. We have to increase in income for us to be able to dedicate more time to this endeavor. Rent and food don't pay for themselves and that's reality. 

I'll end this entry with a few questions that people asked me in the past weeks.

When is Chapter 4 out?

- Soon. What that means is up in the air right now. It could be a week or two weeks. I can't force anyone to work harder than we already are. Patience is key here.

When is the Etsy shop going to be done?

- I don't know. I am still learning various things about printing, cutting, laminating, etc. It's a process and while there are a few articles online, I don't yet feel comfortable enough to upload everything to start full-power so to say. I still need to take some better pictures of all the products which I can't do in my tiny flat because the light is just horrendous. Once I figure things out, I'll post a bigger batch of merchandise. Some people have already bought things from me which is very nice and I greatly appreciate it. Thank you for the support!

How are you doing?

- I kind of answered this above, but generally good with some bad days in between. Still doing much better overall though, so things are looking up.

Why is your writing style so fast?

- This is a longer answer, but a comprehensive one so bear with me. This might come as a shock to you or maybe question me as a writer and a project lead, but here goes: everything you have read up to now in Light My Way hasn't been properly edited. Which makes it weird that I felt attacked when I was criticized for my fast-paced flow. I haven't delved deep into all my "show, don't tell" errors and gave in to the need to "put something out". I got it in my head that I need to put out content to start as soon as possible, to compete with the enormous amount of furry vns that have come out. Wrong choice. So here's what's happening now. I excel at dialogue writing, making it feel natural and realistic. The characters ask, answer, and act how they should depending on the situation they find themselves in. What I seriously lack in the first draft is the expansiveness of the universe of Light My Way. The lore and Lucian's introspective narration aren't close to how a novel would read out. I chose to cut a lot from the narration so as not to "bore" people when in reality it would offer a deeper understanding of the entire narrative. I can't re-edit the first chapters right now because of the work needed to change some parts of the programming, but also because I would need to re-pay for the translations which aren't on the priority list for now. However. I've been working hard on Chapter 5. I've expanded it considerably. There are a lot more parts that will feel more akin to an actual novel rather than the punchy lines I had in the first chapters. I don't glide over descriptions of places and "folk". I emphasize more and leave a vivid atmosphere for the reader to enjoy. Light My Way is still a thriller so the pace is faster than average, but what I need to balance out is the speed at which everything goes. The introspective parts need to be slower while the dialogue and action parts need to feel faster, or as fast as they already are. I did some rapid-fire dialogue in Chapter 5 then dropped a big narration to slow down the mood I had just created. I want to achieve high and low feelings of tension within my readers. We'll see if I did a good job or not. I have been working countless hours on editing Chapter 5. I've edited 20 pages and I still need to go through the final 7. The result will be around 12.500 words for Chapter 5, the biggest up to now. This chapter will define how the writing will go from there on. I will eventually edit the previous 4 chapters, but I can't change them right now as I said before. I know saying this feels a bit on the nose considering Chapter 4 is not even out yet, but you should be looking forward to Chapter 5 to see how much more different everything will feel. Hopefully, you'll like the change. I do.

I'll be 38 this month and time is ticking, but I should also calm down and plan out everything in order to succeed later on. I'll take everything step by step until I get myself out of this mood, and then I'll be able to make leaps when it counts.

Thank you for your support. It means a lot to me.

Here's a spoiler for you all while you wait for the upcoming chapter. Meet our first avian, Astor Haveroon.

See you in Stradia!

- Hadrian Maximus