Tribute to Richard D. James.

Dear Richard,

My name is Bruce. I’m an aspiring creative with a passion to move people. I love art of all kinds. I’ve been listening to your music my whole life without realizing. It was only late last year that I decided to delve deep into you after I overcame my depression. As I thought in the moment. But I was wrong. I later fell in love with the same type of person I always fell for and we brought the worst out in each other. On September 1st, 2020 I tried sativa marijuana for the first time: up until then i thought pot only made me sleepy. But this was so strong it made me break my streak of not vomiting since I was 8 years old. I had just came fried, threw up for the first time in over a decade. I became addicted to not being sober. I began drinking as often as I could and I would ask my roommate at the time for pot almost once a day. On September 4th I watched your performance at the warehouse when I overdosed again. I know you can’t overdose on pot but that’s what I call when you hit the blunt too hard haha. Something about the visuals and the sounds at 1:08:24 made me have a godlike experience. Something about the flashing goofy faces going to the beat of polynomial-C as the other track faded out felt demanding. It felt like it would be wrong to look away from the screen. A wave of goosebumps over came me and I stared at the screen star struck. I began to cry. I broke down as fast as i ever had. No music or visuals had ever made me cry that quickly. It felt like god went through my body. Since that day I wouldn’t shut up ahout the concert. I wanted others to experience what I experienced. But my relationship issues became worse and worse. I became suicidal again. So I got back medication early November. At first it was as it always was. A living hell. I’ve been medicated like that since I was 13 so when I abandoned it for a year and felt good without it, just to come back to it because a person broke my heart, it felt very defeating. Your music called me down. The more I explored it the more I realized how similar we are. The only difference is age and looks but. We’re the same in the soul. On New Years I had the best party of my life. I made beautiful memories. But since that day I’ve been chasing that feeling. All of January and February I was an alcoholic. I was buying 3 bottoms of the largest Bacardi they had and would go through it within a few days. It felt awful that I couldn’t draw because I felt so awful all the time. And the few money I did have I was using it on liquor. Eventually I caved in and realized I had a problem. I finally went through with trying medical marijuana. I was evaluated and I was diagnosed with so many shit it’s not even worth explaining. Point is I was given the card so now I could buy all the pot I wanted. The first month of experimenting wasn’t fun. I was addicted but it wasn’t really helping me. But then, a few weeks ago I tried this new one that worked so well it scared my roommates. They kicked me out. In Florida there’s this law called the baker act law where you’ll get arrested if anyone seems you insane. And my roommates got me arrested because I wa acting “manic” when all I was doing was cleaning the apartment. They took photos and showed it to the police and I was arrested. But because obviously I’m not a danger to society I left as quickly as possible which is a week. While I was in there all I could think about was your music. I realized I’m truly a polar bear because all I need is water. And the only thing I needed when I was strapped down like hannibal lector was your music. I’ve left there now and I’m in a halfway home because my roommates won’t even let me back into the apartment to get my things. They’ve been complete fucking assholes about this whole thing and the more I think about it the more rage I feel. But I don’t hate them. Emotions aren’t bad actions are. I won’t ever harm them. Life is simple. If someone likes you and you like them be around them if not jsur get away from them. No need for shit talking no need for anything. Out of sight out of mind. I actually want to study to be a lawyer. I realized how charismatic and bright I was when I was arrested. In there everyone loved me. It was warm I loved seeing their smiles. But eventually people left and it became empty. The later few days became difficult. I have terrible OCD so I can’t be around disgusting stuff. And on Wednesday at midnight a retarded 7 foot man covered in blood was put in there with us. It was the first time I actually panicked. I’m a trained body guard so I can fight anyone if need to. But a mentally disabled large person is extremely dangerous. That’s why Jason was a huge horror staple. Large mentally unstable people are the most dangerous people alive. So he came in there covered in blood and it was the first time I was being a pain to the nurses. I kept begging them to put me in isolation because I didn’t want to be around him. He was eventually going to do something he can’t control and he will harm someone. And I was fucking right. The nurses ignored me because I’m “insane” and the very next morning he punches an autistic woman in the back of the head so hard she knocked out. I comforted the woman and urged to talk to the psychiatrist. And I confronted him on the situation. I told him to either release me or I would sue the hospital for negligence for leaving a dangerous person cooped up with others. At first he laughed because he’s used to hearing it from mentally insane people but I read my right thoroughly and he began to panic the more he saw that I was serious and that i knew my way around the law. He told me that if I wanted to get out of hear as soon as possible it would be on Friday. That those rights are used to bring out panic in anyone who’s insane. Specific numbers specific rules it’s something that makes anyone anxious. But he said because he knew I seemed fine I’d be released on Friday. And I was. While I was in there I reconnected with my family. Pardoned my father for his abuse and discovered a lot of things about myself. The coolest one being that I have a grandma born in the 40s with the last name bär pronounced bear. When I have the money I legally wanna make it a part of name cause I think it’s awesome. She told me I was a very bright young man and that she would be upset with me if I didn’t strive for the top. She was a chemistry teacher so she had no energy to detail with difficult people so I know she only spoke honestly. At the time she didn’t even know we were related. Not this year but my dream would be to make a summer home for her. A summer home for mentally insane people. Because what I saw in there was abuse that rubbed me horrible wrong. No one is qualified for anything. The American medical system is a legal mafia. Anyway. I have a lot of plans for the future. But I wanted to thank you for moving my life in a beautiful direction. You’re my father figure. I have a silly dad kink so it’s weird to say but i really want to be exactly like you. I want to move people with music. I want to entertain people. I want to be a model. I want to be so many things but the main thing I want to be is remembered like you are. A one of a kind legend that everyone adores because they weren’t full of hate when approached with fame. Not abusing it. Like princess diana and frank ocean. People so mystical that they don’t seem real. One thing I heard about you that warmed my heart is that every time you meet a fan you take a picture of them to remember them. It legit made me cry when I read that in the comment section of a video of you meeting your fans. It’s so sweet and cute it warmed my heart. You inspire to take my following with responsibility. If I do die young then I hope while I’m here I make music that people talk about for generations. I love you so much that I never want to meet you cause I know I’d just panic. I don’t want to ruin the beautiful image I have of you. I never want it to be tainted by meeting you and maybe you’re having a bad day and you aren’t as kind as you usually are. It’ll ruin me. But thank you so much for everything you’ve created. You’ve inspired a generation of talented creatives like kanye West and frank ocean. You are the most important musical influence alive today. You shifted the world of sound forever. I hope I see you one day as a fellow legend. Till next time. Happy Avril 14th

Sincerely,

With love

Bruce A. O’Donnell Bär