Consent IS Romantic

I have difficulties with verbal communication (ND) myself so whilst I 100% agree that all activities must be consensual as in, all parties agree and are comfortable with it, I at least personally can't communicate such things in direct, verbal speech. "It kills the mood" for me say to be asked to be kissed, in such direct terms based on arbitrary language. Internal language can decypher though, but no two persons can communicate internal language. Or at the least, I wouldn't want to say a "Yes" out loud. I might mumble an uhhuh at best. And honestly I'm quite passive-responsive intimately, I don't begin movements, and I respond much more strongly when improvisation is made instead of everything spelled out orally. This however, requires a high amount of self awareness about the partner(s), the venue, yourself, a default to the negative, and able to understand and communicate especially a No --- Which can even in a "Oral consent only" world, must be still respect if it is communicated physically, such as pushing away. That's removal of consent in itself and does not require confirmation by voice. TL;DR I can't communicate effectively verbally, especially in intimate situations and I feel like I'm being called out when people talk about consent being fully verbal.

I will also accept the inverse case where one hungrily requests 'Kiss me. Please kiss me already.' in the scenario. Pre-emptive consent is still consent !

I refuse to live in a world where the prelude to a kiss isn't nervous forehead nuzzling with a shaky but earnestly yearning 'I want to kiss you. May I kiss you ?' bleated out.

The most magical romantic experiences I’ve had have started with direct consent. It feels romantic when someone asks directly. The idea that consent somehow negates or lessens the magic seems weird to me.

Jessie, it’s a sad condemnation of our culture that so much of your career is stating what should be universally understood.

S G Matthews

I completely agree with you with respect to the difference between situations - as for whether verbally requesting consent is romantic....I think it can be but it depends on the individuals themselves. People are built different and attracted to different things, so I could understand that some people feel like it kills the mood for them - personally I would never kiss someone unless I'm absolutely sure, but I'm more about communicating my consent by gesture (leaning in, angle of the head, etc.) rather than say it out loud

Ninua

Our culture also so rarely shows the equally likely possibility of the person who was treated as an object, not a participant, feeling terrible. We don’t get scenes were that character says, “I didn’t ask for that, I didn’t want that, it scared me, confused me, violated my trust, disturbed me.” Instead it’s always treated as retroactively acceptable because the romantic attraction of a love interest for an (almost always male) main character is assumed. Of course she will return his attraction once he makes it known by forcing it on her. That’s the gender role. And our society says if she doesn’t, she’s a bad person. Even though she’s not treated as her own being with her own choices because I guess treating people as objects is “romantic ”?

Robin Childs

A-fucking-men sister!

Ozzy Puzzles