(EARLY ACCESS) How PragerU Generates Transphobia (Even in Trans-Affirming Folks)

Jessie, thanks so much for this. The timing on it is uncanny. I don't want to post this publicly (for reasons that will become clear later), but this video is so valuable to me at this particular moment, and I want to share that with you. I think that it's important to let creators know when their work is particularly impactful, and this one really, really is. I'm a 42 year old cis woman. I have two sons. I'm still getting used to saying that, and there are a lot of places where I still can't. I have a 16-year-old son who cis, and a 13-year-old who is trans. My younger son came out as NB a few months ago, and while his identity is still shifting, he's currently describing himself as "NB and transmasculine," and his pronouns have shifted over the last few weeks from "any" to "he/him," which I'm also still getting used to. For clarity moving forward, I'll share his name -- it's Hero. (So glad we gave him something gender-neutral, lol.) Hero is not out at school, nor to extended family, He says he's not sure where he's going to land -- "I'm only 13, mom." He doesn't want to make a full social transition until he feels more settled in his identity. He is, quite honestly, shockingly level-headed. I've considered myself an ally to the trans community for several years now. I'm bisexual, kinky, and polyamorous, so we've undoubtedly had more exposure to all kinds of queer people than most of the parents in our quiet suburban town. (Though don't underestimate suburban moms...you'd be surprised what we get up to while the kids are at school.) Anyway, Hero casually came out as nonbinary during a car ride to a school event this past September. I was supportive and accepting and all that. I knew that most of his friends were LBGTQ+, he'd been out as a lesbian for 2 years already, and we were talking about his friends' pronouns because he wanted to warn me that his friend, who is a trans guy, isn't out to his parents yet, so I should use his deadname and the wrong pronouns for now. "Oh, and by the way, I use any/all pronouns. You know, FYI." I was like, "Hey, cool. Thanks for letting me know. I'll try to shift towards they/them at home, because I'm sure you hear she/her all day at school." A couple of days later, Hero sent me a discord message with a link to a chest binder. I'm posting his exact message here because I'm so proud of him for doing a difficult and scary thing and I want to honor his courage by using his own words. "(Inhale) Hey so I might be Nonbinary I think and I might have had a bad gender day recently and I might have wanted to ask you for a binder for like the past week and I might have gotten really excited when I told you I use any Pronouns because You were super chill about it and a little shocked but like in a good way and I've been really anxious because the combination of Asking for something that costs money and Coming out in such a way is really scary to me but the point is that I found a binder brand that focuses on comfort and ease of wearablity and I'd like to try one TDLR: Your son might be Nb or GNc and wants a binder to be sure of that and would just like try it out" Obviously, I replied with, "yes, come downstairs so I can take your measurements. Also I love you unconditionally, and I will always support you and respect your identity." Then, a couple of weeks ago (just as I was getting used to they/them pronouns, natch), Hero told me that he's identifying as "still NB, but more on the masculine side" and asked his dad and I to start using he/him. And suddenly, I felt scared. Somehow, the thought of Hero being NB felt fine and normal. I'm not a particularly gender-conforming person myself, so it wasn't hard to wrap my head around him not really connecting with the whole "being a girl" thing. But when I had to face the prospect of potentially seeing him fully transition...it's hard to admit, but I felt some grief about that. The truth is, I loved having a "daughter." I loved having "one of each" -- a boy who looked just like his father, and a "girl" who looked just like me. I loved that my kid was an out, proud, feminist, punk-rock butch lesbian by the tender age of 12. After spending the first 35 years of my own life in the closet about so many things, then being rejected by my parents when they discovered who I really am, I was so proud that my kids could be so free to express themselves, that they could live authentically without fear, knowing that I would not just accept them, but fight for them every step of the way. Meanwhile, I'd been following a handful of trans youtubers -- mostly trans women -- ever since my best friend's roommate started her transition a few years ago. I found those channels the way Jessie talks about in this video: even though we were just acquaintances, I wanted to understand what Daisy was going through so that I would be less likely to inadvertently cause her harm by saying something ignorant. But I'm also a pretty hard-line Leftist, so after those initial questions got answered, I stuck around. (Come for the trans facts; stay for the anti-capitalism. That's the *real* trans agenda, lol.) The result, though, was that I learned so much I hadn't even thought to ask about previously. Things like the anti-trans hate screed that is Abigail Shrier's horrible book, and the myth of ROGD. I'm certain that if I hadn't kept watching Jessie, Mia, Natalie, and the *good* Abigail (Thorn, of course) for all these years, I would have jumped to the conclusion that my child was "going through a phase" and would "grow out of it" in a few years. I mean, all his friends are LBGTQ+, so it's only natural that if one of them questions their gender identity, the rest of them would, too. Questioning is healthy! Just as long as the answer my child ultimately comes to is the one that I expect and am comfortable with. Right? I *do* love Hero unconditionally. I am getting used to thinking of him as my son. It's only been a couple of weeks, and I'm only human. But the point of this whole thing is that I *am* working through my complicated feelings about losing the child I thought I had and learning how to support the child I do have. And quite sincerely, my ability to recognize those feelings and to deal with them appropriately is primarily because of Jessie. Her videos are so thoughtful, so honest, and so nuanced (it's a thing!) that it almost feels like some kind of divine intervention. It's as if every video she's made over the last 2 years has been leading me to this moment, preparing me to approach my son about whether he'd like me to make an appointment with his pediatrician to get info about puberty blockers. Yes, after that conversation I went into my bedroom, locked the door, and quietly cried for about ten minutes because I was so overwhelmed by all the hard things he may have to face. But I could have that cry privately, work through it, and then get back to the business of being there for my boys when they need me. And for that, Jessie, I can never thank you enough.

Looks like it's back!

Naomi Hatchman

While it sucks that you have to do videos like this, I appreciate the way you do approach these issues.

FireMermaid

It was privated

Coreen Montagna

Oh no, I wasn’t finished!

Coreen Montagna

I missed it. :( It's been unlisted?

Naomi Hatchman

I think this was a very well done and very important video. I have a lot of different things floating around in my mind after watching it that I need to sort through, so my comment is going to remain fairly superficial. I find PragerU as an organization to be dangerous. Their videos are full of misinformation or information offered in bad faith, as you highlighted. Another very strong example of this is a video they did on the history of slavery, with Candice Owens. These videos are harmful on YouTube - but what really troubles me about PragerU is the fact that some teachers use their videos in classrooms, and that trend is something PragerU is looking to see expanded. The last thing we need is teachers relying on these people to give short, digestible packets of information that have these kinds of agendas, overtly or subtly. I'm always glad to see PragerU receive pushback. I was also glad to see you promote the idea of attempting to be compassionate where we can, even with people who are this wrong. Some of them don't deserve it but it is hard to tell who does and who doesn't at first glance. I think taking the time to try as often as we can is valuable not only to them but to all of us who want to see the world improve. I think it's better for us if we can see most of these people as misguided humans with bad data, instead of hatemongers. (Some of them are hatemongers; I don't deny this. Those people need to be identified and called out.) Anyway, like I said, my thoughts are very messy and disorganized right now. Sorry about that. Great video, Jesse.

Yeah, I really think its important to talk about framing like this. And thank you Scott <3

Jessie Earl

Appropriately, it was Earl Grey haha. And yeah, it was really frustrating honestly.

Jessie Earl

You are so right...the extra work it takes to reel people back from 5 mind of gaslighting and miss information is just too much work sometimes. I barely have enough spoons for the day let alone that BS. Also what was your tea?

Sundry Grayson

Stellar work on "framing" - should be required study somewhere. People get so bogged down in "facts and logic" sometimes that they sometimes miss that their opponent has already set the stage and rules.

Scott G

Thank you for the very reasonable breakdown. I may be overly pessimistic, or possibly just missed others thinking on the issues. I'm starting to wonder if the TERF mindset is that they are happy in the binary patriarchy and see the transition to an M as a cheat code.

ben hengst

The first thing I learned about in statistics was confounding factors, and it always baffles me how shallow PragerU's and other channel's 'analyses' are. And like you said, we have to be aware of sample bias when we conduct studies! I'm a bit of a nerd for research, so it's frustrating when they ignore basic statistical and methodological concepts ahhhh! Anyway, fantastic work as always! I appreciate how you empathized with parents who want their children to be happy but also don't want them to suffer because of their gender or sexual identity. My parents' generation definitely struggled a lot with this, since they were in a limbo where being, say, gay wasn't the worst thing in the world but it was still a hush-hush thing. I'm really grateful that my generation is a lot more open about these types of things, and I hope that my kids feel comfortable coming out to me if they realize that their gender identity doesn't match the one I gave them. Keep doing what you're doing and make sure you take care of yourself, these topics can be quite draining but they're so fascinating and vital to discuss <3

I really appreciate your approach on these topics. We are at a point in time where the only concern in public discourse is “winning” the discussion. At the end of the day, we should all win after a discussion; win by learning something, win by being understood, win by coming to a mutual understanding that can be the foundation for progress. Understanding the position of others is critical to that discussion and I appreciate how willing you are to engage with that despite how uncomfortable it might make you. Keep doing what you’re doing (or whatever you want really), much love. ❤️