Hey guys, this is a little different update

Its a long text i know, but if you can, please read it

First of all, im in talks with the creators of felarya vore defense game in regard to the game i been making stuff for. Were still in discussion so i cant say "were on!" just yet.  As for this months normal update, it will unfortunately be delayed till hopefully this weekend & maybe some more stuff to make up for this later down the month. And now for the different kind of update thing, i feel like i need to add some explaination as to how and why this is.  The first issue is essentially a couple things coming together.

There has been quite a sharp decline on my patreon income for some time, and with the current

absurd levels of inflation going on i basically ended up with 2 choices:

Either no longer being able to buy food and hope things improve, or take on more regular work.

Obviously you can understand this isnt a real choice.

I somewhat expected an even further decline in patron income as obviously im not the only one

feeling this inflation in my wallet.

But this whole ordeal is a catch 22 situation for me, which brings me to next issue which is arguably worse i suppose since

it relates to my health.

I dont think i ever actually talked about this but i feel like i have to this time around given the situation.

I have quite a serious stress problem for which i ever so often have to take meds for & got professional help for.

The issue is that i can only live with it, theres no cure or anything for it.

And by living with it were talking: mitigating buildups of stress and managing my stress levels through a variety of excersizes and methods.

And ofc the meds which i can only take as a last resort essentially.

For a long time the slightly growing income i got from patreon actually was like a "cure" for all of this.

Because it mean less regular work, and less regular work for me = less stress to deal with = more time to spend on animation stuff.

When i started it i didnt even think of this as a "cure" for this other problem in the first place, it was more of a realization as time went on that

this was actually helping on the health end as well for me.

Now to give you an idea of what i mean with "serious", ill give you an example of what happened last year & the year before that.

Last year i had to start taking on more regular work as things started to get more expensive, which for me means a LOT more stress to deal with.

And the more stressed i am, the more time i need to waste on managing and avoiding a buildup.

In the examples of the last 2 years, i simply no longer had the time of day or ability to deal with that increase in stress

and as a result i collapsed on the ground out of nowhere both times, no longer able to move or breathe properly.

Eventually i ended up in the hospital in both cases for a few hours until they cleared me from any health issues such as my heart etc...

What i had in both instances they called a "severe panic attack".

I suppose you can start to see the picture with what i mean with the whole catch 22 situation.

Im currently forced to take on more work, there really isnt any other choice for me.

And this month it has started to really affect me since im now at 32 hours coming from 18 hours.

My hours are absolute total shit, ranging from 7:30 to 15.30 (which are the best ones for the stress) to 12.00 to 20.00, and my free days

are almost always spread out, which is total shit for me cause its too little time for me to get in a "groove" of making an animation.

And im getting quite worried (which ofc doesnt help) about my ability to keep my

stress in check and avoid yet another collapse and trip to the hospital.

And in regards to my animation stuff, when im so stressed i simply cant work on anything animation related or anything else for that matter.

Its not that it adds more stress for me, it just that it doesnt lower it & on a very personal note: the stress kills my libido which is actually very important

for me to make good animations.

All i can do is walk, take regular deep breaths, play games & watch something at the same time, and other of these kind of things.

Everything i can to keep it under control so at least i can somewhat function during the hours im at work.

Im not bullshitting anyone here, i really do have to priotize dealing with that stress, otherwise i will just end up in the hospital overy other week.

Which isnt neven an exaggeration, i can feel when im in the danger zone, its like i completely clamp up, get cold sweat, shiver, breathing becomes hard,

mind is racing 200mph, and every little added thing to that becomes like this massive issue in my head if you get what i mean you know?

And if i dont produce more work and animations, then obviously even more people will leave my patreon.

So you see how this is like a catch 22 situation for me right?

I tought about making this post for the last 2 weeks but its not easy for me to put all of this into words.

There just isnt any solution for me other then my hope that when we finally get the project into something playable, that people will come back and things grow again.

And obviously this absurd inflation situation to level out, And thus i can tone down hours on the work end as well.

Altho im not expecting the latter anytime soon given if you actually measure it properly.

They keep telling me its bad but not that bad, but all i hear is empty words.

Because like i assume everyone else, i got the reality of my wallet, i got the reality of being forced to literally cut everything apart from bare nessecities

just to make ends meet.

In a good month i have about 60€ left on my bankaccount at the end of the month to give you an idea.

IDC what these people keep saying, it means nothing to me, the difference on my bank account is night and day compared to 2020 and the first few months of 2021.

I suppose i dont need to explain what this does for my stress problem, as pretty much any ordinary person would be very stressed out about this without

any particular stress problem at all.

But, i felt i needed to make this post as i hope it will maybe help people understand my issue and ofc the larger situation im in, which im ofc not alone in.

And as some of you might remember from a while ago when i said that this patreon income changed my life...

Well maybe this post will add some perspective as to what i meant with that and how it does.

So thank you to all you guys that have stuck with me for all this time.

And hopefully things get better soon on all fronts so i can finally present this new project into something you guys can actually play.

These guys at the felarya defense game thing know what theyre doing so i hope i can convince them of the project.

I will see you all really soon, im gonna do my best to get the stuff done and hopefully some more then just that.

thank you.