Ch. 86 - ASMR

A/N: Apologies for the short chapter today, had my flight delayed which resulted with some fun BS at the airport. I hope you enjoy regardless!

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As Sumire’s hand flew from her coat, a scimitar sparkled in the light. Both the blade and hilt were gleaming white, the latter decorated with colored jewels. Its surface was so bright and reflective that it briefly disappeared under the light of the sun, reappearing in a flash to find purchase under Teddy’s throat.

She’s a Holy Knight, but she has the gear of a cold-weather pirate? Momo thought, helplessly confused. The coat suggested she was from somewhere far north, maybe even beyond Jarva’s kingdom. After all, the map Valerica showed her was only local to this continent. For all she knew, Alois could be home to a dozen competing lands.

“I don’t like liars,” Sumire whispered, her scimitar digging into Teddy’s furry throat. Her tone was almost bored – apathetic and impatient. At her quip, Teddy’s face turned from shock to dismay. He seemed at a loss for words, which was never a good look for the Guildmaster. The shapeshifter’s innate charisma didn’t seem to fool Sumire.

It was a bad idea to have him impersonate Gunther, Momo frowned. They had forgotten the high possibility that the Bear Lord was well-acquainted with his fellow expert knights. Even with the immense density of the King’s army, the numbers dwindled at the very top.

According to Valerica, thousands of middling intermediates muddied the royal ranks, but only a few hundred experts were employed by the King. The higher you climbed the ladder, the closer the bonds between knights became. Or so Momo assumed. It didn’t seem to work that way with necromancers.

Still, Gunther definitely would have sold us out if given the chance. Momo had offered him some pretty great stock options in the new Queendom, but he had refused. He had gained enough esteem within the King’s government to warrant a solid pension and a lifetime of health insurance. Coming from America, Momo knew there was nothing more worth fighting for than a guaranteed retirement plan.

“Oh ho ho, let’s slow down,” Teddy said gruffly, throwing his hands up. After a prolonged silence, he finally found his words. “There’s no need for violence, Sumire. My apologies if I seem disingenuous. It’s just that the necromancers performed the [Forgaelia] incantation on me. My brain is still recovering.”

Sumire’s blade arm faltered. Her name seemed to be common knowledge, but Teddy referencing it still softened the woman. Momo could only see her back, but she could tell she was thrown off. Maybe Teddy’s charm is working after all. He was wearing that cute bear face. That had to be an instant +10 to charisma.

“Forgaelia, huh?” she said. Despite a forgiving change in tone, her blade stayed where it was – digging into his neck. “I’ve never heard of a Forgaelia curse that erases memories that far back. It typically only goes back a few days, at most.”

“I didn’t say it deleted my memory. Just slowed the brain waves, is all,” Teddy said. His face seemed to tense, his eyes considering something. “Of course I know that song you were whistling. It’s the Spinesplitter Waltz. Wouldn’t be a Holy Knight worth my salt if I didn’t.”

A moment passed, and every cell in Momo’s body jittered with anxiety. Sumire’s expression was unreadable. Momo couldn’t tell if the Spinesplitter was utter bullshit or a stroke of genius.

“Hm,” Sumire said. To everyone’s collective relief, she retracted the blade in a show of peace. Teddy audibly sighed. “Glad to know you’re still with us, Gun-gun. Now, if you don’t mind, one last question, just to make sure you haven’t been necromantically possessed–”

Before Sumire could get the question out, Momo rushed forward, jogging with urgency until she was at the knight’s side. She stuck her hand out, clenching her last piece of chocolate.

“Ma’am,” Momo said, willing her voice not to shake. “I’m sure it’s been a long trip. Can I interest you in some chocolate?”

Surprised, Sumire’s head slowly tilted towards her. At their increased proximity, Momo could see her severe under-eye bags, sitting just below buttery brown eyes. Through drooping eyelids, the woman considered her.

Momo gulped, feeling as if she was being pierced through. This was a terrible idea, she thought as the woman’s irises slowly expanded. But if I was wearing a coat that made me sleepy all the time, then I’d definitely have an extreme candy habit…

“Chocolate?” Sumire said, a slight hint of eagerness seeping out of her vacant voice. She tore her eyes from Momo, looking instead at her offered hand. “Genuine milk chocolate?”

“As genuine as it gets.”

She had zero idea how real it was, but it tasted real.

“We do not accept bribes from the rabble, Sumire,” Roland interjected, high up on his high horse. Sumire ignored him, peering even closer at the treat.

“Maybe you don’t,” She said, placing her hand over Momo’s. She gave Momo a meaningful look, and hovered her hand over hers for a too-long moment. Electricity ran down Momo’s arm, and she fought her inner voice to keep her hand perfectly still.

Remain calm, Momo repeated internally, ignoring the four-alarm fire going off in her head. You’ve given chocolate to plenty of people. You’ve even given it to goats. Cool girl pirate knights are no different. Stay still.

Slowly, Sumire grabbed the treat, and retracted her hand. She immediately popped it in her mouth, chewing slowly. After a moment, she bared her teeth. Momo imagined it was her normal smile once, but it had been tinted with manic tiredness into something terrifying and uncanny, merely approximating a human grin.

“So good,” Sumire wistfully sighed, her eyelashes fluttering.

Seizing the opportunity, Momo lowered her voice to a melodious hum. She tried to embody the ASMR streamers she had watched during sleepless nights. If she had a microphone to tap, she would. She settled on her chainmail shirt.

“You seem sleepy,” Momo suggested. “I think you’re ready to come grab some more snacks at the inn, curl up into some complementary pajamas, and…”

Momo toppled over, the already-snoring knight falling into her arms.