Ch. 82 - The Emperor's New Clothes

Placing the scepter behind her, Momo turned her attention to the remaining items in the box. Inside was a folded cape, soft as a pillow to the touch. It was a pleasant, dull black, with gold trimmings running up and down the edges. A pattern of smiling cat-skulls was embroidered into the attached collar, which clicked pleasantly around the neck with a cat-shaped button.

“Oh, god,” Momo said, lip trembling. “This is so cute.”

“Lorvis has a special touch, he does,” Valerica laughed lightly.

Underneath the cape was a long-sleeved white blouse, fancifully crimped along the sleeves, black pants – a delight for Momo, who was worried she had been condemned to wear robes forever – and clogs. Luxurious, fur-lined clogs, patterned with green tree leaves.

If it wasn’t for Valerica staring holes into her, Momo would have undressed on the spot.

“I could kiss Lorvis,” Momo muttered. “These are perfect for me.”

“They certainly are. I know you’ll look adorable in them,” Valerica said in a too-low voice. Momo immediately blushed red. “Go home, try them on. Always good to look your best when the enemy arrives on your doorstep.”

—

Out of Valerica’s view, her courier was much less kind.

As soon as she dressed, a tornado of parchment whipped through the window, smashing through enchanted glass like a knife through melted butter.

“Where were you when I was trying to escape the Banquet Hall?” Momo grumbled as the paper soared into her hand innocently, leaving a pile of glass shards in its wake.

You have equipped [Momo’s Cape]. Tailored by Lorvis, great tailor of Morgana’s Dawn, this cape is especially made for Momo the Ripper – Ruler of Nam’Dal, and famed Corrupted Druid. When worn by Momo, this cape offers + 5 DEX and + 5 CHA.

The rest of her outfit offered a variety of bonuses. Her shirt was water-resistant, her clogs could step through lava, and her pants were apparently made of Netherthread, so they could transform appearance on command. Momo first questioned when shapeshifting pants would ever be useful, but quickly retracted her statement when she transformed them into sweatpants.

Taking Valerica’s advice, she sought immediately to enlist the help of every capable hand she knew. She went first to Teddy, the less hostile of the two options. She found him at the Slippery Warbler, downing a pint and detailing the way he removed Vivienne from office, working toe in toe with Nia Nightsbane to deliver Nam’Dal into a new age.

“I don’t remember it exactly like that,” Momo mumbled, drawing every eye in the room as she spoke. Sitting on a nondescript barstool in the corner of the room, she hadn’t drawn much attention while entering – but the moment she spoke, every head turned to her. It was a sensation she didn’t think she’d ever get used to.

“Ah! Lady Momo,” Teddy said with an exaggerated bow. “Come on, boys, be respectful.”

The rest of the thieves, save Radu, dipped their backs. The lizard just smirked.

“That one isn’t bowing, sir,” Momo said mischievously, pointing to Radu.

“Radu! Get in line, you delinquent,” Teddy shouted. The lizard rolled his eyes, but acquiesced. Momo giggled.

After a long moment, the thieves raised their backs again. She recognized a few of them from the initial siege on the Knight’s Hall. The rest were new recruits, halflings and humans with untamed hair and cocky smiles. The new cohort brimmed with equal parts anxiety and overconfidence.

Momo was happy to see how quickly they had doubled their numbers. With a modest donation from the new government, the Guild could afford feeding and clothing a few extra heads. The guild attire had been revamped and rethreaded, boasting fine clothing imported from Bruda, with Mordecai’s insignia embossed in black on their hoods.

“Looking good, Ripper.”

Momo’s eyebrows shot up. From the back of the crowd of newbies, Corv sauntered forward, tipping a hat. Salvo and Geff followed from behind, the former skipping with glee as she rocketed towards Momo.

“Momo!” she yelled, embracing her with back-breaking enthusiasm. “Or is that too casual? What’s the etiquette here now? Queen? Lady? All-powerful Ruler?”

Momo’s ears burned bright red. She dropped her head, embarrassed.

“Momo is just fine,” she laughed, and then looked back up to meet the bird’s gaze. Curiously, Salvo was wearing the same new garb as the rest of the pack. Corv and Geff too had traded their rags for the ravishing guild armor.

“Stylish, isn’t it?” Salvo boasted, flexing her arms. “After everything with Sera went down, we decided to stop freelancing and join up with the Guild. We knew your leadership wouldn’t lead us astray.”

“Or my money…” Momo muttered, shaking her head. She knew the birds had a nose for gold like no one else. “Speaking of my money, about the coin you stole –”

“So nice seeing you Momo,” Salvo said with a nervous laugh, patting her on the shoulder before motioning to the boys it was time to run. With a solemn wave from Geff, they retreated to the back of the room.

Momo shook her head, but a smile still crept up her face.

“So, our dear lady, what service can we bring to you today?” Teddy wondered aloud, nudging Momo on the shoulder. She had naturally forgotten why she came here initially.

“Oh, right,” she blushed. “Um, well, you guys all know King Jarva right?”

The thieves nodded apprehensively.

“Right, great. And you all know how he’s not a huge fan of necromancers?”

The nods got increasingly apprehensive.

“So the funny thing is, since this city is now run by a necromancer, there’s a very high chance that he will be sending a legion of his men to, uh, investigate,” Momo said, putting it as delicately as she could manage. “I was hoping I could count on you all to help out, should there be any trouble.”

“She wants us to risk our hide against a legion sent by the King? I’m here to pickpocket some petty cash, not lose my head in a revolutionary war.”

Momo was shocked to hear the voice of the Eldergoat thief – the same one who had previously defected during their mission to abduct Vivienne, deeming it too stupid to continue with.

It seemed he still had a knack for spotting terrible plans.

“That’s our ruler you’re talking to, Spordicus,” Teddy glared. Momo almost choked at the name. “Naturally, we’ll pitch in any and all the thieves we got. Our loyalty lies to Nam’Dal, and the only reason you sorry sort are still standing here is because of our dear Momo.”

“That’s a load of hogwater…” Spordicus continued under his breath.

“Oh, I oughta –” Teddy raised his fist, his cheeks heating up.

“Please don’t fight,” Momo squeaked, waving her hands frenetically. “Just think of it as a business proposal, alright? I keep funding your guild, and you guys can pitch in by drugging a few Holy Knights. You can empty their pockets of whatever you find, too.”

That sales pitch seemed to silence the arguments.

“The little lady is offering us a pretty pony of a deal, and I won’t have you precious pickpockets spitting on it, alright?” Teddy said, pointing an accusatory finger at the crowd. “We’re helping, and anyone who disagrees will have their ass booted to the streets with no thieves insurance. Now, let’s go open a keg, my throat’s gettin’ dry.”

Teddy gave Momo a too-firm handshake, cracking a few of her knuckles before he was off to accost the bartender. With the guild members sufficiently frightened, they joined him, leaving only Radu and Momo in the otherwise empty foyer.

“You look like a garden fairie,” was the first thing out of his mouth, his eyes surveying her new outfit. “Er, let me correct myself. A creepy garden fairie.”

Momo frowned. “Don’t you dare insult my clogs.”

“I didn’t say it was a bad look,” he laughed. “I just feel like you’re going to water my plants, weed the yard, and then slit my throat.”

Momo crossed her arms. “And who says I won’t?”

“Oh, just intuition,” he smirked. “I think you’d be a shoddy gardener. You’re more likely to steal my dog and a steak from the fridge than water any plants.”

“I’d be a fine gardener. Also, you should know this is considered defamation now that I’m a public figure,” Momo glared, pointing a finger at his chest. “I could totally sue you.”

“That would require talking to a lawyer, so, I doubt it.”

“I’m perfectly capable of talking to people,” Momo said. “Even lawyer-people. Didn’t you see my whole business proposal just now? I did so much talking.”

“Sure, but that’s only because you had to,” Radu laughed. “I have yet to see you speak to a stranger about something that didn’t have to do with your job or your immediate survival.”

“That’s… not true,” Momo argued. Her stomach grumbled, interrupting her train of thought. “I’m hungry, can you order two grilled warblers from the bartender?”

“No,” he shook his head. “You order it.”

Momo looked at him as if he had casually suggested to murder someone.

“That’s what I thought,” Radu laughed, and waved towards the barkeep.

–

Momo heaved herself into bed, limbs aching with exhaustion. Not physical exhaustion – but social exhaustion. Radu forced her to join in for a round of the Thieves’ Guild’s infamous drinking games, and one round quickly became four rounds, which quickly became a pounding migraine that left her crawling for bed.

Dusk crawled into her lap, drowning out her pained groans with an exaggerated purring.

“You’re right, Dusk. No more talking to people,” she whispered. “Just cats.”

The cat nodded into her arm, accidentally nudging the parchment she stored in her cape pockets.

“Right, I should look at this,” she groaned.

She unfurled the wrinkled stack of parchment. Three pieces of paper, decorated with Morgana’s koi fish, laid in front of her. Momo’s eyes enlarged comically. Three?!

For completing the Quest [Save Nam'Dal], you have received 10,000 XP. 

You have gained a level in [Corrupted Druid].

You have gained a level in [Corrupted Druid].

You have gained a level in [Corrupted Druid].