Wasteland Warlords Episode 2 - 12 Incant Joe

“Is he dead?” a small voice oinked.

“No, he’s just unconscious.”

“I never know what will end you puny humans. At times you seem so fragile, and at others, you are harder to stomp out than an infestation of kokopelis.”

Alex’s soft hands pulled Clay’s head into her lap. “Come on, babe, wake up.”

“You have to do it like this.” Joe slapped his cheek. “Clay, wake up! The trailer’s on fire!”

Clay groaned and rolled away from his brother.

“Stop that!” Alex snapped. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I see no fire,” Bacon Bits snuffled. “Nor any trailer.”

“It’s a joke from when we were kids.” Joe poked Clay in the side and stage-whispered, “Get up, bro. I’ve got big news you’re not gonna want to miss.”

“And you can’t wait five minutes to tell me?” Clay rasped. It felt like somebody had taken a belt sander to his throat and the claw end of a hammer to his skull. He squinted up at his family. Even the sliver of moonlight from behind the gauzy clouds stabbed savagely into his pupils.

Joe grinned down at him. “Five minutes? I don’t want to wait five seconds.”

Alex pressed a cool glass bottle into Clay’s hand. “Here, drink this, babe.”

“Yeah, babe,” Joe said. “Drink this, and then guess who’s got two thumbs, a chainsaw, and Incant powers.”

Still on his back, Clay downed the Ultimate Healing Potion. A little trickled into his beard, but that was better than moving right then. He wiped it away with the back of his hand. As the wave of relief washed away the world’s worst migraine-sore-throat combo, he relaxed back onto Alex’s folded legs, his arms falling limp on the scorched grass and sand.

Bits and pieces of the carnival riddle and the fight with the Gearhead slowly fit together.

Clay squinted at Joe. His brother was wearing what looked like the Gearhead’s mech armor, except it was remarkably clean and undamaged for something that had just recently been impaled by a chainsaw.

“I think that fight must’ve knocked something lose in my head. Did you just say you’re an Incant?”

“Hells yeah, I did. Pretty sweet, amiright?”

“But there isn’t even a dungeon lord here,” Clay said. “How did you end up with powers?”

Alex brushed sweaty hair off Clay’s forehead. “Well, if you think about it, we are dungeon lords,” she said softly. “Incants, I mean. Remember what happened after we killed Katotes? I got that prompt saying that, as a Freehold Incant, I could claim his Dungeon Stronghold. What if Freehold Incant is just a fancy term for Dungeon Lord without a Dungeon? What if all the Incants are actually just human Dungeon Lords? Maybe that’s why they’re all so secretive.”

“I think short stacks on to something here,” Joe said. “Because right after I chain-sawed ol’ Gearhead, this killer drum track started playing like—” He mimed playing a massive trap set, making the sounds with his mouth. “—and then I was floating, and my stove-up ribs healed, and everything was bright and awesome, and I got a notification that I had all these cool powers with mech and bonuses to runes and small engines and stuff. And, even more to the point, I got a message saying I could lay claim to any fallow dungeon location or challenge another Dungeon Lord to a duel for the right to their stronghold.”

Bacon Bits snorted and rolled her eyes. “Foolish humans, this is a thing we dungeon lords have long known for ages. I will admit, it is fascinating to see your kind finally piecing together the information.”

“In our defense,” Alex said, “there isn’t exactly a any information on how you become an Incant, past the rumors about killing a Dungeon Lord. And I’ve never even heard a whisper about getting power by killing Incants. Not once, and we scoured ever corner of the internet before coming out west.. The Incants have to be keeping it under wraps because they know if word got out, it would be open season on any Incant not smart enough to… well, hole up in a dungeon.”

A crazy thought hit Clay and he shot up and leaned back against his palms. “They’re not the only ones keeping it under wraps. The Marine who struck the killing blow on that Jordanian Incant disappeared the same night. Word was they’d been ambushed on the way back to base and wiped out, but nobody ever found any remains.”

Joe gasped. “You think the military took him!” He slapped a hand to his chest. “Our military! To create the perfect melding of man and magic, a super weapon the likes of which the world has never—”

“No. No way.” Alex made a slashing motion in the air. “We are not doing redneck conspiracy theory hour right now. We have more than enough problems to handle as is to worry about what the government is or isn’t up to.”

Except that’s exactly what we should be worried about, Clay thought.

Alex was right, now wasn’t the time or place for this conversation, but if the government did know about how Incants were made, then Alex and Joe probably already had targets on their backs. They would need to be extra careful around the DoD mercenary contractors, like Triple S, who regularly ventured out into the Wasteland looking to scavenge loot and sell it back to the government at a steep profit. If the government was in the business of making super soldiers, how much would they pay for a live Incant, hogtied and delivered into their hands?

“Still, best if I see what the damage is,” Clay said. He dug the monocle out of his pocket and slipped it over his eye inspecting his newly transformed brother.

╠═╦╬╧╪

“Lumberjack” Joe Jaeger

Level: 4

Race: Incant

Class: Arcane Tinkerer

Alignment: Earth/Fire

Exp: 387 Exp; to next level: 3,840

Available Characteristic Points: 0

Health: 365

H-Regen / 5 Sec: 43

Magick: 240

Magick-Regen / 5 Sec: 8.75

Stats:

· Strength: 30 (22 + 8 item bonus)

· Constitution: 51 (40 + 11 item bonus)

· Dexterity: 20

· Intelligence: 19

Attributes:

· Armor Rating: 344

· Melee Attack Damage: 117

· Ranged Attack Damage: 87

· Spell Damage: 85

· Movement Rate: +5%

· Critical Hit Chance: 10% (7% + 3% item bonus)

· Critical Hit Damage: +60%

Active Effects:

· Redneck Wisdom

Arcane Tinkerer Skills:

· Pact of Armor

· The Everyman Tool

· Material Mending

· Arcane Engineering

Player Special Skills:

· Bonded Companion – Lv. 2

· Chainsaw– (Melee Skill) Lv. 2

· Mechanical Craftsman – Lv. 3

╠═╦╬╧╪

“Hot damn,” Clay whispered, eyes wide.

Joe grinned. “Fits just right, don’t she? It’s like three lawnmowers welded together on monster truck tires—tailored made just for me. Pact of Armor turns this beautiful hunk of iron and steel and rivets”—he thumped a hand against the mech suit—“into an arcane focus. It’s bound to my body, so nobody can pry it off unless I’m dead, and I can take it on and off in a jiffy.” He snapped his fingers and a swirl of black fog enveloped him. When it cleared, Joe was wearing his tin pants, jean jorts, and flannel shirt once again. Another snap and the armor was back in place.

“Badass, amiright or what? Plus I have a super beefed up Constitution, I passively regenerate health and magick now, and I have enough health points to take the mother of all beatings—assuming their hits can even make it through my fancy armor. I’m a freakin’ tank. And that’s not even the coolest part. Material Mending lets me channel Magick to restore the durability of items and repair any damaged material that I can cover with my palm. Took a little doing, but I managed to fix this suit of armor up with hoodoo. Can you believe it?”

“I’m starting to,” Clay mumbled, eyeing the pristine looking suit of steel. “And what about the other two things? The Everyman Tool and Arcane Engineering?”

“I save the best two for last, broham! The Everyman Tool? Literally any tool.” He reached into a compartment at his side and pulled out what looked like a heavily used Philips Head Screwdriver. He grinned as the screwdriver shimmered and elongated, turning into a hammer. Then it distorted again, transforming into a Sawzall with a Fyula Rune etched into the side. He panted, breathing hard as the Sawzall shifted, finally returning to the screwdriver. “I can channel energy into it and temporarily transform it into any handheld tool.

“It’s like a portable shop, right there in my pocket. Which is great, because I need all kinds of weird tools for Arcane Engineering which, to my mind, is the perfect blend of magic and engineering. I can break things down shotgun style, figure out how they work, then use my magic to fix ’em up and get ’em working. It’s basically like what I’ve always done, but now I can use magic instead of YouTube videos to create whatever asinine inventions strike my fancy. Pretty sure that’s how Gearhead managed to create this little guy.” He reached down and ruffled Chonk’s furry head.

There was some small part of Clay that hated that he was now the weakest member of his family, but at the same time, the Arcane Tinker class really was perfect for Joe. Plus, they were that much closer to achieving their long-term goals. Now instead of locating and taking out two dungeon lords, they only needed to find one.

“There’s something else,” Alex said. “Gearhead must’ve been a lot more powerful than Katotes, because I got a ton of experience when he died. It pushed me up to level eleven and I unlocked a new evolution.”

“Yes, that is correct,” Bacon Bits said, ears flopping as she bobbed her head in agreement. “Level ten is usually when the first evolution happens for mid-range dungeon monsters. As we grow, we evolve and change, unlocking new forms and abilities at key junctures. I myself started out as a lowly, Draconic Grub if you can believe it.”

“So what’s your new class?” Clay asked Alex.

“Bloodborne Striker,” she said.

Clay grunted noncommittally and turned his monocle on his wife.

╠═╦╬╧╪

Alexandra Jaeger

Level: 11

Race: Incant

Class: Bloodborne Striker

Alignment: Blood

Exp: 103; Exp to next level: 9,240

Available Characteristic Points: 5

Health: 281/281

H-Regen / 5 Sec: 58.5

Magick: 280/280

Magick-Regen / 5 Sec: 10.75

Stats:

· Strength: 56 (50 + 6 item bonus)

· Constitution: 26 (25 + 1 item bonus)

· Dexterity: 33 (30 + 3 item bonus)

· Intelligence: 18

Characteristics:

· Armor Rating: 119

· Melee Attack Damage: 229

· Ranged Attack Damage: 173

· Spell Damage: 176

· Movement Rate: +9.1%

· Critical Hit Chance: 8.3%

· Critical Hit Damage: +66.5%

Active Effects:

· Rapid-Regen

· Goliath Physique: Disease, Filth, and Poison Immunity (Permanent)

Basic Brute Skills:

· Battle Instinct

· Goliath Grip

· Uncanny Reach

· Bloodborne Frenzy

· Bloodborne Armor

Player Special Skills:

· Chain Weapons – Oversized (Melee Skill) Lv. 4

╠═╦╬╧╪

Clay was shocked at the changes. She was so lightyears stronger than him or Joe—even the newly modified Joe, who legitimately had Incant powers of his own and she’d unlocked two new abilities with this evolution, Bloodborne Frenzy and Bloodborne Armor. He wondered about what these new skills would bring to the table.

“Bloodborne Frenzy is basically Barbarian Rage,” Alex said, as though reading his thoughts. “Well, sort of. I can’t trigger it at will, but if anyone caused me or any of my party members to bleed, it allows me to active the effect, which gives me a fifty-five percent boost to my speed, evasiveness, and damage output for two-minutes—although I’m pretty sure the duration will increase the stronger I get. Right now, I can use it three times per day.”

Clay whistled through his teeth. Her total damage output was already 229 points of damage, per hit. If she landed a clean blow, she could one shot him without breaking a sweat. A fifty-percent damage increase for two minutes was insane.

“And what about Bloodborne Armor?” He asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“It’s a passive ability that activates while I’m in Frenzy. I haven’t actually seen it in action, but it lasts for the duration of the Frenzy, gives me a 50% resistance against normal weapons, and temporarily swaps my Strength Stat for my Constitution Stat when calculating my overall health and regen rate.”

“So you can become the Hulk three times a day,” Clay said flatly.

She shrugged. “Really, it’s only for six minutes a day, which isn’t much in the grand scheme of things. But yeah…” A thin smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “Hope you’re not too intimidated.”

Clay rolled his eyes. “Nope. Now you’re as tough outside as I always knew you were inside. Just make sure you don’t accidentally shatter all my ribs when you hug me.”

“That’s what health potions are for,” she replied with a wink.

Clay snorted and gained his feet, brushing his dusty palms off against the front of his pants. “We’re burning daylight, best we be getting back.”

“Sure y’all don’t want to hang around?” Joe asked. “My stomach feels like a blackhole eating me from the inside out. Turns out becoming an Incant is hungry work. I bet I could scrounge up a couple of those deep-fried Oreos from the concession stand.” He spun his screw driver. “Even if the friers busted, I bet dollars to donuts I can get the ol’ girl working again.”

“Oh no,” Alex said, vehemently shaking her head. “I’m done with this fun house. We’re taking that stupid saltshaker back to the Sooq so Tajira will free Griff and we can get on with Bacon Bits’s quest to regain her dungeon.”

“Thank you, Alex.” Bacon Bits climbed into her vest pocket and snuggled in. “If I have not yet mentioned it, you are by far my favorite human.”

Joe’s face darkened. “I still can’t believe Griff got to stay chained to a tiki bar while we were out here fighting Smilerfax’s Double-Stuffed Carn-Evil and Gearhead. Old fart has all the luck.”

“I doubt Griff’s just been sitting around drinking this whole time,” Clay said drily.

“Then Tajira taking him captive was an even bigger waste than I thought,” Joe said.