Now Hiring: Looner's Collection Pt. 5

Now Hiring: Looner's Collection Pt. 5
Let's Get Objectified (and a nosy interlude)

By Hugo Prosperio (Inspired by Novadehedgehog)

(contains nose growth, shrinking, inflation, and inanimate transformation into a whoopie cushion, along with some mental tf. No actual clown tf this time) 

~o~

The guests of the party were all of different minds, some wanted to freak out, but knew that the clown had enchanted the entrance, however that was possible, so they were stuck here. Some were curious about his offer of joining the collection, and others were simply curious. 

Take Jenna Brooks who approached the clown with a smile and a question as he dug through his bag of tricks that he had produced. 

“What is inside there?” She asked him. 

Looner giggled as he opened it and began to dig through. “Lots of fun products and such to make clowning around way easier. Oooh here is one that I love. Nose Enlargement Cream!” he said as he produced a small jar of white cream. 

“It makes your nose bigger, I guess.” she said as she took the jar in her hand. 

“That it does. And it’s not just for clown noses, it’ll work just as fine on your nose as it will on mine. Why don’t you give it a shot.” he suggested. 

She smirked and opened the lid and took a small dollop of the white cream and spread it over her nose as instructed to do on the lid of the jar. “Apply cream and wait for the Schnozz of your dream” it said. 

It went on warm, then went cool, then began to tingle as it seeped into the pores of her skin. As it did, she turned and looked in the mirror behind the big table in the living room area and watched as the nose attached to her face, formerly a small cute little thing began to stretch and grow, taking up a larger portion of real estate on her face. She giggled and felt it growing in her fingertips until it had doubled in size. “Woah!” she said, her voice sounding somewhat congested. 

“Looks pretty sweet!” he said as she fiddled with it. “Don’t be shy about it though, have as much of the cream as you want.” he added, neglecting to share that the cream had an unusual side effect of it was used twice. 

Meanwhile over at the electric pod that Looner had set up labeled the Clown Objectification Booth, another eager party goer was investigating. She was a 25 year old woman named Sara Weber. She waved over two of her friends, Jaime Francis a Chinese American girl, and Betty Hope, who sported a super fake platinum blond wig. The three of them entered and a curtain closed behind them. It was rather large on the inside, more than the outside would have let on.  A small screen sat on a flat wall across from a bench. Sara sat down and straightened her tight skirt. Jaime and Betty followed suit. “Well, what is this thing all about?” Sara asked. 

On the screen, a small little clown appeared. “Glad you asked! Howdy and welcome to Looner’s Clown Objectification Booth. Here you can become a magical inanimate object for use by Looner and his Pals! Please choose from the categories below, my lovely ladies.” 

On the screen they saw “Clown Props” “Clown Clothes” and “Looner’s Personal” 

“Well, three categories, three girls.” Said Jaime. “We gonna try this out?” 

“Why not? Can I go first?” Betty asked. The other two girls nodded. “Cool. I’ll go with Clown Props!” 

“Excellent choice, my dear.” the cartoon clown said as the screen changed and listed a variety of options. She saw things like Rubber Chicken, Water-squirting Flower, Can of Seltzer, A feather boa, and then she started laughing. “Oh, wow gotta go with that one.” she said. “Let’s choose Whoopie Cushion!” she added. 

The selection glowed and the screen changed again, this time showing a cartoon rubber orb with an air valve that sputtered when the orb was pressed, which the clown did. “Excellent. Only a few steps until we can begin for this wonderful transformation.” he said. 

The screen zoomed in on the cushion. “How big do you want this cushion to be. We talking novelty hugeness, or perhaps or something a bit more normal.” He asked the girl. A slider bar appeared and she leaned over to adjust it. 

“Well, big is fun, but I have an idea. Let’s make me the smallest whoopie cushion we can, since Looner is into that kind of thing.” she said. She slid the slider down to the lowest setting. The clown whipped out a ray gun similar to Looner’s and hit the cartoon cushion and it shrank with a comical deflation noise. 

“Teeny Whoopie! Whoo that’s fun.” he said. “Next question is how loud are you going to be?” he said. Another slider appeared with one end having a person making a hush sound, and the other having a person holding a bullhorn. She grinned and slid it all the way to the bullhorn. 

The cartoon clown giggled. “Well then, small cushion, big toots. Now that’s a selection. Now before we transform you, how do you want your mind to deal with all this silliness. Stay exactly the same, or experience it as a cushion might?” he asked.

“Let’s get crazy and be cushion. Will I have thoughts still?” she said. She looked at her friends. “Hey if this the kind of party we are having, I am gonna have some fun.”

“Excellent, dear girl. Yes. You will still think, but you will do so as a magical object and not quite as the girl you are. That will be the stronger impulse by a lot. Might override some of your human instincts for a bit.” he noted. “So to sum up: you will become a tiny whoopie cushion with a big voice, and you will experience it all as a whoopie cushion, in mind and body!” he said. He then clapped his hands “Ready to make some whoopie, dear?”

Betty stood up and smiled. “Yes sir!” 

A little device lowered from the ceiling and aimed itself at the girl standing there. She smiled and waved at it when it suddenly shot blue electric light at her. In an instant, the other two girls marveled as their friend began to shrink before their eyes, but it was faster than anything they had seen Looner do. It was rapid, and her dress slid to the ground and she stepped out of her flats. She tossed her wig aside as it became too big for head, revealing strawberry blond hair tied up. She tossed aside the growing hair tie as well and let her hair down. She giggled as she was now two feet tall, and looked up at Jamie and Sara. “Hey guys! This feels AMAZING. Like the best sex I had, but all over.” 

“This is only the primer, dear cushion friend.” the cartoon said. “Might want to put her on the bench for the next part so you can all watch.” 

Sara bent over and picked up the girl as she shrunk down to about 8 inches tall. She placed her on the padded bench, naked as the day she was born, but Sara noted that her peach skin was tuning pinker...like, actually pink. 

“Still feels great.” she said. Jaime lowered her head to look at her minuscule friend as her skin turned the color of a whoopie cushion and laughed. “Wow, it’s really happening, Betty. You are gonna be so cute. Mr. Clown?” she asked of the cartoon. 

“Yes, dearest?” he said. 

“Can we turn back after our changes?” she asked. 

“Well, as long as you are return to the booth, yes, I can restore your human forms, but it might be difficult to want to come back to these boring bodies you have now.” 

Betty’s belly started to inflate as her friends watched, and then the rest of her body joined in as she began to get larger and filled with what appeared to be air. She fell over on her bloating backside. She giggled as the inflation claimed her limbs, her arms and legs shrinking then sinking into her expanding form, which looked less and less human and more like a

“Actual Whoopie Cushion.” said Sara. “Wow.” 

Her arms and legs were now gone, leaving just feet and hands which were shrinking away to nothing rapidly. 

“Guys, it’s almost done, I can feel it” she said as she felt her head starting to shrink and pull into the inflated orb of a body which now had seams on the edge. Her lips however were growing larger and more cartoonishly plump and a lighter shade of pink than the rest of her body. As they grew, her head, hair and all, simply vanished, leaving only the lips which began to expand and grow out until they were the unique valve to release air from this functioning whoopie cushion. She looked to be about half the size of a traditional whoopie cushion, but then her whole form wobbled. “Woah” said the lips at the end of the inflated cushion. 

The whole thing started to shrink like the girl it had been was doing earlier, but it was even faster and more amazing to watch until the former girl was now about the size of a dime. That’s where her shrinking stopped and a DING sound went off in the booth. 

“Voila!” said the clown! “One teeny tiny whoopie cushion! How do you feel, Whoopie?” 

“Holy shit!” she said, her voice rather loud for such a small thing. “I feel amazing. Guys, I did it!” she cried as her little form puffed up with air, ready for its first test. “Go on, Jamie. Use your finger and test me out. God I want to be used so badly. Is that part of the mental stuff?”

“Yep, it’ll kick in about now.” the clown said. 

Jamie placed a delicate pinkie on the tiny orb and pressed slightly and the entire booth was filled with the rubbery flatulent sound that the cushion was expected to make. It was louder than any whoopie cushion either girl had heard, and the air rushing from the cartoony lips made Jamie’s hair blow around a bit. 

“Whooooooo! What a rush!” she said. “I’m the best whoopie cushion ever, guys! This is amazing!” 

Jamie picked up the cushion as it reinflated, holding it on the tip of her index finger. The lips smiled. “Guys, you gotta get in on this. This is amazing. All I want is for someone to SIT ON ME.” she said. “That is wild! Come on, Sara, you got a thick ass, sit on me, make me blow my air all over the room.” she said like it was innuendo. Sara smirked and took the little orb in her fingers, stood up and placed her on the bench, then dropped her whole body down as hard as she could, met with the tell-tale sound of air releasing, mixed with laughter as it did. 

Sera stood up and picked the flattened orb off the bench, dangling it as she examined it. 

“Wow, you know...how to show a whoopie cushion a good time. I am gonna have to recommend you to all my whoopie cushion friends.” she said. 

“You have whoopie cushion friends?” Sara asked. 

“I remember them so vividly. I guess I do!” she said. “I want to visit them and tell them how good it feels to be one of them.” she said. Sara held the tiny cushion in the palm of her hand chuckling at the fate of her friend. 

“Most of them don’t talk like you do, I’d wager.” Jamie said. 

“Well that’s true, but I still want to! And god I want to be sat on again, like wow, it’s the most intense sensation ever. I want big asses to flatten me and let me expel my air like the good whoopie cushion I am. Gosh, listen to me. This is so cool!” 

“Well, how about a field trip then!” the clown said. “I can send you to a place where you can find butts to sit on you and maybe even meet some other cushions! A win win!” he said. 

“OH MY GOSH YES” she said, her lips puckering as she re-inflated herself. 

“Betty...is that a good idea?” asked Sara. 

“I don’t care. Do it!” she shouted to the cartoon clown. 

“You got it, Whoopie!” the cartoon said as a blue glow surrounded the tiny little rubber item. Sara watched as her friend giggled and then vanished with an audible “woosh” sound. 

“Where did she go?” Jamie asked as she looked at Sara’s hand. 

“Somewhere where Whoopie Cushions are loved and cared for.” The clown said. “Don’t worry about her. She’s gonna have so much fun.”

In a small specialty shop in the Clowntopia Mall, a small flash appeared, and the shopkeep, a teenage girl clown laughed. “We got another Looner product.” she shouted to the back. 

“Where am I?” said the cartoonish oversized lips on the whoopie cushion that had just materialized on the counter of the shop. 

The clown looked down at the new product and smiled. 

“Bozo’s House of Wacky Props” she said. “Just the perfect place for you. You are the tiniest whoopie cushion i’ve ever seen.” she noted. 

“Yeah! The cartoon clown in the booth turned me into it and it feels great. Say you wouldn’t want to sit on me, would you?” she asked, eager to be used again. “I have quite the surprise.” 

The clown nodded and placed her down on the chair she had been sitting on, and then placed her bubble butt right on top of the former human and was amazed when the BRAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP noise that emanated from it shook the chair, the counter, and knocked several items off their shelves. 

A customer looked surprised and walked over. “Was that a whoopie cushion?”

The clown girl picked up Betty, and watched as her orb like form re-inflated. 

“It sure was. Smallest cushion in the land with the loudest sound.” she said. 

“How much for it? I need it!” he said. He was a short chubby looking clown with a bald spot on his head. 

“Well, it’s a special item, so how about 100 smackeroonies and she’s yours?”

“Wait, I am for sale?” Betty asked. 

“Of course you are. You want to belong to a big fat butt-ed clown who will make excellent use of you don’t you?”
 

Betty was slightly conflicted. Her human mind was trying to step in and ask to be sent back to the booth, but the mental part of her new cushion body was so excited at the prospect, and as the clown on the screen had noted, that part would be stronger. She giggled. 

“Oh my god, that sounds delightful.” she said.

“Thought you’d think so. Looner’s products usually do.” the clown mused. 

“Here you go! That’s a deal for such a delightful cushion such as this.” he said as he placed down the clown dollars needed. “She will be the crown jewel of my whoopie cushion collection.” 

“Other whoopie cushions!” she squeaked as the man picked her up and examined her. “My friends.” she said. 

“None of them are quite like you, but I think you’ll love your new home.” he said as he placed her in his jacket pocket and walked out of the store. It was unlikely she’d return to the booth at this time, but she didn’t seem to mind. 

Back at the party, the girl Looner had befriended smirked and took a much larger glob of the nose growth cream and slathered it on, this time getting some all over her face. 

The growth started immediately. Her already large nose began to grow massive in a matter of moments, a few of her friends standing with their mouths agape as the once small part of her face was taking up most of it now. As this growth continued her facial structure was changing. She gasped as she felt her skull shifting to accommodate the growth, and he eyes closed and sealed shut.Her lips moved downward on a slightly altered chin of sorts and they inflated, becoming pouty.  A moment later she could see again, looking around the room, and she could also smell. She could smell everything. The punch was fruity, a cherry smell was emanating from the kitchen and she smelled the pot that some teens who had missed the magic show were smoking, all as if it were right there. 

“Woah. this is weird” she said looking in the mirror, and in a pair of large flaring nostrils were two eyes, looking around at the room and her reflection. Her head had been entirely replaced by a oversized nose, and she was baffled but also super intrigued. 

“Looner, what happened to me?” 

“Well, the cream has side effects, the jar did say so, but I love the new look, dear.” he said. “Want me to help make it even neater?” 

She pondered, then giggled. “Yes.” 

Inside the booth, the two remaining girls were shocked at their friend’s disappearance. 

“Don’t worry about her! What good is being a whoopie cushion if you aren’t used properly. She’ll love it. Now, let’s get on with the other categories!” the cartoon on the screen said happily. 

Sara and Jamie nodded, but felt a strange twinge of guilt that they had let their friend get transported away to lord knows where, but it was all part of the allure of this booth, to become something else, and they figured that Betty would be fine. 

“So. Shall we continue?” 

“Yeah! Me next!” Sara giggled. 

“Well, let’s get started!” 

To Be Continued. Duh.