CWD: OE ~ Thirty-Seven

Nacho stood sweating in front of the giant electric stove that continued to glow red-hot. To his right and left, the gas burners spewed bright blue flames. The situation seemed utterly hopeless; at least if they hoped to get past this without getting burned to near death, at the very least.

Kristie was the only one to put forward an idea. “Scratch-Bite! That sponge is going to be releasing torrents of water. If we can kill it, or at least use it, I think we can use the body to cross the burner.”

“Good thinking! I think I figured out the rest of the traps.” Reuben had to yell to be heard over the sound of the popcorn popping, but he was clearly putting his years of gaming to good use. Before he could explain further, both of the back rows of aluminum foil that had formed a big bulging dome blew open, and butter fell like rain. Popcorn followed; huge kernels landing with as much force as individual boulders in an avalanche.

Some rolled into the burner and caught on fire, but the blue flame didn’t destroy the fluffy kernels. Instead, it bound them together until a six-foot-tall gorilla-shaped creature emerged, made of blue fire and popcorn, each fused segment bigger than a basketball.

Lesser Orville FireCorn

Effective Tier/Level:?

Health:?

Based on the falling popcorn, and how more falling kernels were already attaching to the strange amalgamation, Nacho didn’t think the Orville FireCorn would stay Tier zero for long. The Jiffy Pop pan on the front burner exploded, and moments later, another Orville FireCorn rumbled to life. As one, both monsters strode forward on their long popcorn legs. The cook considered adding his Prep-Work enhancement to his Ingredient Processing ability, stopping himself only because it would cost five percent of his Hunger Points.

This close to getting the starvation debuff, losing even one point of Hunger was a bad idea. Beyond that, he had to face the Godking of Scrub Sponges. Now that he was Tier two, his knives were guaranteed to be able to exact damage on the beast, and he was excited to see how quickly he could topple the sopping Boss with his Forever Razor-Sharp Wit HungerCry Knives.

The two Jiffy Pop pans kept on exploding, throwing popcorn and creating monsters. The first Tier one Orville enhanced itself by gathering more kernels and adding flaming clubs to its hands. Brie blitzed forward and engaged one with Mr. Lacrosse Stick, while Abby mauled another.

Scratch-Bite roared triumphantly as it swept up behind them, interrupted as Jennifer hurled skewers that *thunked* into its body. Three hit the beast, one after another. Normally, between the base weapon damage and her bonus twenty-nine from her throwing skill, she would only deal fifty-four damage. But between all boosts, as well as the stacking damage, those three skewers landed for two hundred and fifty-two.

The Tier three was chunked, instantly losing a quarter of its health, and Jennifer had three skewers remaining.

Nacho rushed to help her, a grin spreading on his lips. His tongue flicked out, proof of his utter concentration as he rushed a powerful enemy that he knew he could kill.

The two Jiffy Pop pans belched out a fresh blast of popcorn, but these kernels weren’t the pristine white the others had been. They were golden brown, mingling with other half-burned kernels to form four more Orville FireCorns, all burning with the same distracting bright blue flame. They gripped unpopped kernels and flung them at Nacho, only for Hazel to intercept them with her spike wall.

Taye’s shout reached Nacho’s ears as the cook closed in on the sponge. “These four new monsters are still Tier one, but they have a lot of health! Hurry; the poppin’ ain’t stoppin’!”

Nacho understood that this stove scenario was very similar to the freezer. The longer they tarried, the more powerful the creatures would become. They’d soon be facing eight Tier two Orville FireCorns, then sixteen Tier threes. If they were still around by then, it would be as corpses.

Scratch-Bite wasn’t standing idle, waiting for them to beat on it. Dozens of its s smaller mouths coughed up gobs of acid spew that *sizzled* through Nacho’s gravy-smeared armor and onto his thigh: somehow failing to hurt him. It seemed the Juxtaposition was not done surprising them today.

His upgraded armor had reduced the damage nicely, but a strange feeling of sturdiness and dependability welled up from the human as his Mana finally settled from his recent breakthrough. Nacho got to experience the effect of his Mana-boosted Tier-based aura before he ever got to read over it, watching curiously as the mouth that had spewed the acid received a deep laceration, as though he had personally slashed its face.

Health remaining: 70/70! Acid damage mitigated.

Tier 2 aura effect determined: Your Mana thickens, becoming dense and harder to penetrate. It now takes a blow dealing at least 20% of your total health to inflict Health Point damage. At the same time, your Mana has gained some of your spiteful will! When you are attacked, if the damage is not high enough to break your damage mitigation threshold, the strike is returned to the attacker as slashing damage that will stick even if it isn’t enough to otherwise injure your attacker.

Leaping into action, Nacho brandished both of his supernaturally sharp Tier two knives, slashing with his chef’s knife and chopping with his cleaver. He struck the Godking of Scrub Sponges four times, generating very satisfying results.

Damage Dealt: 644/1000.

After a quick calculation of  how much damage he knew Jennifer should have been doing, Nacho felt a thrill at the realization that he had hacked off over a third of its health in one go, and a glance at his combat logs revealed that he had dealt three hundred and ninety-two damage in total.

The Brewer threw her last three skewers in a single Skill-determined burst, the stacking damage of the skewers causing more damage with each skewer that landed. “It has less than fifty health left! Finish it!”

An oily tongue darted out of its fanged mouth and wrapped itself around Nacho’s arm. The tongue went right through his Mama barrier to sear his arm, dealing twenty damage every other second. Nacho couldn’t help but drop his chef’s knife as his arm was shaken, and every one of the mouths not occupied by holding him spat acid in every direction.

Health Remaining: 50/70!

Health Remaining: 30/70!

He was dragged into the teeth for another mess of damage, his armor only able to rebuff most of the teeth.

Health Remaining: 5/70! Caution: death is imminent! You should eat something and get out of this situation!

Jennifer was out of skewers, and she scrambled to grab them, only for Scratch-Bite to *slap* her with a mighty blow of scratchy green claws, flinging her backward. Nacho was a bloody mess… until he felt a hug wrap around him, and he was instantly restored to full health; the tongue was even pushed out of his arm where it had dug in. The Healer whooped, “Ninety-five health per awkward remote embrace!”

Nacho had dropped his knife, but he had retained his cleaver—and it loved to cleave. Nacho whacked the tongue once, cleanly severing it.

Damage Dealt: 994/1000

Scratch-Bite let out a whimpering, pain-filled mewl, then bent and tried to gulp Nacho down in one bite. The cook found himself trapped in the mouth of the thing as teeth closed down on him. The fangs slammed around Nacho like a hydraulic press, and he thought he’d be bitten in two.

Health Remaining: 20/70!

“Not dead… yet.” The Sponge Godking roared in blind fury at Nacho’s taunt, opening its mouth to chomp down on him again. “I’m no one's hors d'oeuvre!”

Reuben tackled Nacho out of the way as the teeth snapped together. Nacho felt a warm glow fill him, but his face sank. He had been gifted twenty Health because of Reuben’s Silver Lining ability, but that meant that his friend was getting chewed on.

The Godking of Scrub Sponges was at single-digits Health, and it looked it. Its tongue had been cut off, multiple slashes marred its dirty yellow body, and six skewers poked out of its flopping midsection.

Nacho flipped to his feet, grabbed his chef’s knife and *clanged* the blades together to make sure Scratch-Bite only had eyes for him—and it had so many eyes.

“Follow me, you used-up dishrag!” he yelled at the beast. He wasn't sure if it could understand him, or if it was simply following its aggro attacking patterns, but Nacho was able to lead the Godking of Scrub Sponges over the burned popcorn bodies of the fallen Orvilles, closer and ever-closer to the heat of the electric stove top.

Nacho flung off his gravy-coated Gauntlets of Oven Taming, then jumped and slipped the mitts over his feet to skate across the deadly-hot surface. The Sponge Godking lumbered after him, lurching to a halt and looking down to see its yellow sponge feet burning. All its many, many eyes rolled around in their spongy eye-sockets. With an agonized shriek, it fell forward, losing its last six health to heat damage.

Congratulations! You have killed Scratch-Bite, the Godking of Scrub Sponges.

Tier 3 Epic Creature = 0 Credits

Do you smell that? It’s the smell of victory! Victory has often smelled like burning, but this one feels distinct for some reason.

Scratch-Bite fell face first onto the stove and immediately started cooking. It didn’t smell like victory; the stench was of a bacteria-riddled sponge superheating.

Thick smoke boiled out of the top of the Jiffy Pop aluminum domes. The popcorn that blew out next was charred black, forming eight Tier two Greater Orville FireCorns. These new monsters were eight feet tall and covered in the same blue flames. Not a single person even attempted to distract them, and Jennifer was the first across the sponge bridge.

Nacho couldn’t slow down for people to catch up; he needed to get to the controls in the middle row of the black glass, surrounded on all sides by red-hot glowing coils. Now that he knew where to go, it was simple to turn off the central electric burner by stamping his foot on the power logo. The moment his foot hit, the gas burners on either side of him clicked on, and the butter at the bottom of the silver pans began to sizzle.

“Great, I can turn off the electric stove, but that turns on the gas burners?” Nacho shook his head at the rank unfairness of this place as he ran for his life.

The others were scrambling over the kitchen sponge, Brie and Reuben bringing up the rear. A Tier two burned FireCorn snapped a butter whip, cajoling another to throw its club—landing a blow on the back of Brie’s head. She went down hard, and Reuben was forced to pause to heal her.

Stephen saw it, and pure determination set his face as he dashed past the couple and brandished his two-handed sword. “Go on! I’ll buy you time!”

“No!” Nacho yelled at the fool. “I’m not losing anyone else!”

Stephen laughed maniacally, already blocking strikes one after another. “I knew this was a one-way trip for me the minute Steve bought it. Remember us as heroes, and run!”

Brie and Reuben were given just enough time to escape over the body of the Sponge Godking; by then, the central electric stove panel was already cooling. Nacho and the rest were able to safely run over the surface, and the Guild Leader slammed a foot down on the power icon of the final electric burner. The electricity blinked off as the gas ignited on the front and back set of burners, and he led the charge across the cooling electric burner.

It was a good fifteen-minute run to get to the cabinet. He glanced back to make sure the surviving Snack Attack fighters were following him, when his vision was assaulted with a System message.

Active Combat is over for now. You’re still alive, so you can shop, and you can regenerate your Health and Mana. Looking a lil’ hungry! You should probably find something to eat soon. Good luck with that.

No one said a word as they ran across the final stretch of countertop, Nacho reaching the little human-sized door in the end cabinet first and pulling it wide. Inside, complete darkness awaited them, though it smelled sweet. He sent his four remaining Firefly Potstickers inside as he took one final look around the room they were leaving. A door taller than Olympus Mons to his left, marked ‘Dining Room’, remained closed, but it would open in the same direction they were moving.

Nacho let his people enter the cabinet first, and he watched as the army of popcorn monsters—each varying levels of burned—charged across the countertop toward them. Wasting no time, as soon as the last human was safe, he leapt into the cabinet and slammed the door, locking it permanently closed.

Over the next few seconds, he could hear the grain golems roaring outside with impotent frustration.

Nacho exhaled Wd a deep sigh of relief and exhaustion as intense hunger hit him like a physical blow. The System threw him a terrible message that brought the soul-shattering taste of human flesh to his mouth unbidden.

We have some bad news! You’ve been hit with a Starvation Debuff! You will lose one Hunger Point per minute until you go negative—then your Health Regen will follow suit. After that, you’ll die hungry. Your future won’t be delicious, because you won’t have a future. Better figure something out fast.

Nacho had one hundred Hunger Points. That gave him over two hours to live.

His eyes turned on his teammates. Taye was trembling, Brie’s eyes were bulging, and Abby seemed appalled. At Nacho’s best guess, they collectively had an hour to live, if nothing changed.