CWD: OE ~ Seventeen!

Nacho led the way through the blazing forest, following the chemical stink to the CrossWorld Portal. Before long, they managed to find a road relatively clear of flames, though they had quickly learned that the ash and deadly fumes were more of a problem.

The forest fire had already burned through the trees around the Portal, so by the time they reached the source of the nauseating smell, they didn’t have to worry about hidden sentries. They even gained the unexpected luxury of being able to inspect the distortion in its entirety as they approached.

A hundred feet tall and thirty feet wide, the CrossWorld Portal displayed various designs cut into the heavy frame, which was otherwise flawlessly crafted from white marble. Some friezes mimicked Celtic knots, while others were a mixture of dragons, griffins, hydras… but also tacos, popcorn boxes, Bucky Cups that were almost exclusive to Texas, and various other food-related items. That was the Juxtaposition alright—monsters and food, with neither more important than the other.

A wavering purple light extended from the top of the rectangular structure all the way down to the dirt. Lavender sparks *snapped* and *popped* within the purple energy field. All of the theatrical details highlighted one simple fact: crossing over to the other world was easy.

They simply had to walk into the light.

Nacho and his friends took a moment to consider the Portal in front of them, relieved and slightly concerned that no one was attacking them yet. Brie laughed as she a realization dawned. “Jennifer’s forest fire helped us more than just granting us an initial escape.”

“Glad we can joke about it.” The Brewer was still unsure of where she stood in Brie’s eyes, and it showed. “Jokes are okay again? I’m not used to mass destruction.”

“You don’t have to come with us, Jennifer,” Nacho informed her as gently as he could manage, which ended up still sounding slightly sharp. “That is… you don’t know us, and this is monstrously dangerous. People who go through that Portal don't come back.”

“‘Monstrously dangerous’?” Jennifer shifted her backpack, tightening a strap and smirking. “If you wanted to warn me away, you’re failing gloriously. I want to see another world, just like anyone else would. I’m coming, as long as Brie eases off the ‘kill me at a moment’s notice’ vibe she has going on.”

“No promises.” Brie pushed her nose into the crook of her elbow to fight the smell. “I don’t mind the help, but if we’re going to go, we need to go now. Kristie, Taye, and Abby might still be alive, but for how much longer?”

“Then I’m going,” the Brewer announced with surprising force. “For one, you guys saved me from making beer for humorless Necromancers. There was zero fun to be had there, and they kept telling me they’d eat me if I messed up. The way they said it, that didn’t sound very fun either. Second, I don’t know all the rules of the Juxtaposition, but I do know that food and drinks play a key part in allowing us to succeed. I want to try your nasty cottage cheese Go-Gurt. Call me curious.”

“Seems strange, but I’ll call you whatever you’d like, Ms. Curious.” Nacho was pleased with her choice, but he felt the added responsibility of keeping her alive at the same time. She was correct; drinks were incredibly important, and he intended to figure out what her unique abilities could do for the survival of the human race. Plus, she’d mentioned being able to brew decent soda. He knew that alone was enough for Reuben to add her directly to the inner circle for life. “Welcome aboard. Now, let’s get through this Portal.”

“Wait.” Brie accessed the Store and bought four pairs of sunglasses, a single Credit dropping two in her hands at a time. “We’ll need these to cover our eyes. Like the Patrons said, our round pupils will stick out.”

“You smarty-pants. It isn’t game mechanics; it’s a social construct! I would have totally forgotten.” Reuben gave her a peck on the cheek as he collected his eyewear.

“Thanks. One more thing.” Brie held up a hand to stop them from charging in headlong. “We have the Patrons for Earth, right? Do the CrossHumans have Patrons, and if so, are they the same Patrons, or are they different?”

Nacho shrugged slowly, unable to answer her question. “I don’t know much about the Patrons and their relationship between worlds. I would assume that they would be different, but… I mean, if it’s just betting, then the Patrons would simply bet on the world they thought would have the best chance of winning. All I know for sure is this CrossHuman named Arriod made it pretty clear he was fighting a war against all humans. Well, it was as much of a buffet for them as it was war. The CrossHumans didn’t mind eating humans–to tell you the truth, we, uh, ate them right back.”

Jennifer choked, looking shocked and a little confused, and Nacho blanched as he realized how that had sounded. She had no context, and didn’t know about his boon. Stumbling over his words, Nacho tried to correct himself, “That is, not now, not in this reality! I had a-”

“Explanations later; finding our friends now.” Brie marched forward, though she did throw him a lifeline. “He's right, it’s not what it sounds like.”

Nacho found himself completely unable to think, and decided to act instead. “Okay, see you on the other side!”

Purple sparks continued to crackle out of the Portal with a light popping sound, ignoring the fact that Nacho’s fingertips were touching the purple wall of light. The cook had been expecting it to feel hot, to feel like something, but he may as well have been touching air. At first. Between one moment and the next, the energy clung to him like he was shoving his hand through cotton candy—he could pull away, but decided against it.

All four of them were shoulder to shoulder with one hand inside the Portal, so he made the first move, pushing his face through the light and into the cotton candy energy field. With a lurch, he stepped onto the ground of a new world, full of amazingly fresh-smelling air. If this world had ever had pollution as an issue, that was gone now. He felt rejuvenated after only a few deep breaths.

The Portal, now behind them, continued to snap and pop. For a long moment, Nacho simply experienced the CrossWorld—or CruxTerra, as the locals apparently called it.

The sky was a burning orange and full of smoke, just like theirs… no. It had seemed like smoke at first, but Nacho quickly realized the swirling plumes were composed of pollen wafting off the trees around them in waves. The trees’ outer bark was blue, and they were devoid of leaves; instead swollen pods hung from their azure branches. Suddenly, Arriod’s threat from Nacho’s last vision came back to him like a face full of freezing water with cubes of bad omen ice floating in it.

‘It’s us or it’s you, Nacho. This is a zero-sum game, and I can guarantee you, we are not going to lose.’

Blue sunshine cut through the orangeness around them, painting the alien scenery in colors completely unnatural to them. Jennifer immediately noticed something was wrong and grabbed Nacho’s arm to march him forward. “This is all normal for us, right, Nacho? We’re just walking out of the Portal after scouting Earth. We’re just walking right through these blue trees, under the blue sun, with enough pollen in the air to kill your average asthmatic. Home. Yup, this is our planet.”

Reuben and Brie followed smoothly behind them, and all four moved away from the Portal and through the bizarre forest. It took no time at all for two men in bright lacquer armor to hustle up to them, weapons at the ready. It was hard to tell what color their gear was, given the odd nature of the light on CruxTerra. Both men wore fashionable cloaks and gripped familiar long-bladed spears.

On the left chest panel of their armor, a letter and number had been painted in a highly visible manner. The cook took this in with narrowed eyes. “D-Three?”

Neither were wearing sunglasses, leaving their cross-shaped pupils visible. The leftmost guard spoke clearly. “All Portal traffic must check in immediately, as per statute fifteen-point-one-eight-six. Name, rank, unit designation.”

Nacho immediately realized they needed to trick these guards, or they would have to kill them. If that happened, they would be on a time limit right from the start. It was clear that this place was far more disciplined than their own world, so he decided to introduce some of Earth’s specialty: chaos. Urgency and yelling usually worked to freak guards out no matter where he went, but he’d really have to sell it.

Luckily, he had plenty of experience infiltrating places that he wasn’t supposed to be. He channeled some of that energy into his performance. “Move, fools! We’re obviously A-ones. We were wounded over in the round world, and we had to wait for our regenerations to kick in. Even then, it was madness over there. Madness, I tell you! There was a forest fire, and Arriod left us unexpectedly. We need to catch up to the prisoners that were carted in; it’s a matter of utmost urgency! They have the location of an artifact, and only we know that they know!”

While gesticulating wildly, Nacho wondered if anyone outside of movie villains had ever shouted ‘move, fools’ unironically. He also wondered if he had gone too high with his rank. Claiming A-one was a risk, but if these D-threes were anything like standard human guards… they’d be fine.

On top of that, if the guards didn’t buy Nacho’s story, they were about to get a hands-on lacrosse lesson.

The guards looked shocked at the mention of A-one-ranked beings talking to them. But what really made them jump was that name: Arriod. It seemed he was a big deal on the very blue and orange CruxTerra; just as much, if not more, than on Earth.

Nacho figured their appearance might’ve helped sell the lie as well. He looked like a walking kitchen. Jennifer was practically dwarfed by her huge backpack, with her paddle and spoon stuck haphazardly into her belt. Reuben looked like a warrior knight, except for the sausage clips around his wrists. Then there was Brie, with her lacrosse stick and her circus clown collection of brightly colored armor, which coordinated strangely well in the bright blue sunlight.

They were an odd collection, all right. But to be fair, they had just escaped a Necromancer who wore a hydration backpack and chewed on a human arm made of cake dangling over one shoulder, so oddities were becoming more commonplace.

“A-ah. I see.” One of the CruxTerran guards began to hem and haw, until he was jostled into action by a nudge from his partner. “Uh, the roundie prisoners escaped captivity and disappeared inside some kind of… welcome dungeon. Or at least that’s what we’re calling it. There was an uprising in Sector Seventeen, and Arriod was called in to put it down.”

“You mean to tell me… the prisoners were left with you, and as soon as Arriod had to step away, you lost them?” Jennifer sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she shook her head. “I knew those Sector Seventeeners were no good.”

“Why are you speaking for your leader?” The other guard glanced uneasily between Jennifer and Nacho, suspicious for some reason that the humans likely wouldn’t understand. “I think it’s time you lowered your sunshaders. You could be-”

Reuben stepped up, his Marketing Skill practically oozing out of him. “The roundies have critical information for the success of our world. The very lives of every man, woman, and child hangs in the balance. Now, if you’ll tell us where this dungeon they fled into is, we can hopefully overlook the fact that you lost them in the first place.”

Mr. Gullible Guard pointed with his spear. “Yes! Down that path to the dungeon. You’ll see the gate, but… we can’t get through it.”

“Don’t worry.” Reuben smiled with all of his teeth showing. “We’re A-one. We have our ways.”

Both of the CrossHumans—or was it CruxTerrans?—smiled along with him as Brie and Jennifer marched past. Reuben trailed after, waving farewell at the two CruxTerran guards. Their eyes followed the group, and just as Reuben’s hand was dropping to his side, Nacho casually stepped up to the rearmost guard and slipped his hand over the CruxTerran’s mouth.

In the same moment, he slammed his blade point-first through the clavicle and into the guard’s esophagus, guaranteeing that he wouldn’t be able to make a sound over the blood pouring into his lungs. As the man’s cross-pupiled eyes grew wide, Nacho glided around him and repeated the attack with the other guard. They sank to their knees nearly in tandem, suffocating silently, and Nacho used his massive Fitness to grab each of them and drag them into the foliage before finishing them off with a double chop of his cleaver.

Reuben watched the near-silent, brutal slaughter with a wide-open mouth, gaping at the clean kills done in such an efficient and casual manner. “N-Nacho…!”

“What?” The cook looked up and noticed the shocked faces of his group. “Did I make a mess? That first strike should have kept everything contained inside their-”

“You just murdered-” Jennifer started to shout, only to be cut off by Brie swatting her across the face.

The Berserker glared icily at the shaken Brewer. “Quiet. Down.”

“They weren’t fooled, guys,” Nacho calmly informed them as he scattered some of the strange foliage over the corpses. “This one was already grabbing at his flare-looking thing. They were only waiting until we turned away to send up the warning. Sorry, Reuben. Your skill failed.”

The unexpected slaughter effectively crushed further conversation, and they spent their efforts rushing down the dirt road that cut through the trees without trying to look like they were in a hurry. Time after time, they passed tents and sentinels outfitted in strong lacquer armor. Each and every one of them was marked with a letter and number identifier, everything from B-one to I-nine.

Nacho didn’t know what any of those designations meant, and he wasn’t going to do something as foolish as head over and ask. It was just as Jennifer had been trying to remind him with the first step through the portal—if they walked with purpose, and if they looked like they knew where they were going, most people wouldn’t be too suspicious.

The cook had to forcibly slow his pace to get a better sense of things. All the tents, all the soldiers, surrounded a central archway. That must’ve been where the CruxTerran version of the Welcome Dungeon opened, which meant it was where the Breakfast Club would be. The Patrons had to be using some kind of powerful magic to keep the small CruxTerran army out of those tunnels.

Nacho remembered the gates he’d observed at the entrances to the Sweet Skillz Welcome Dungeon. Had they been closed when Arriod and his people were running it? That seemed… likely. His mind raced as he searched for a way to walk through those soldiers unobstructed and invade their welcome dungeon. The short answer was: they couldn’t.

“There’s gotta be more than one entrance. Keep an eye out for anything that looks System-made.” Everyone stayed in step with him, and they had no choice but to keep on skirting past the encampment. The Dinner Party searched for a solid hour, eventually finding a small castle, not much more than a few low walls around a keep. A dirt path led right up to the portcullis. Over a shallow, dusty moat hung a sign, written in a language that Nacho didn’t recognize, likely native CruxTerran.

Nacho started to slow, but before he could stop, Jennifer grabbed him. “No use stopping now, Nacho. Let’s keep moving.”

Arm in arm, he and Jennifer marched up to the gate with Reuben and Brie behind them. As they drew close, the sign shifted from the bizarre script into English. A simple word greeted them. A wonderful word.

WELCOME!

“Thank goodness… it’s a secondary entrance.” Brie huffed out a deep breath. “No idea why it isn’t guarded, and I don’t know how we’re going to get back to the Portal when we return, but I’ve never been more relieved to see the entrance to one of these dungeons in my life.”