CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Thirty-Four

As they progressed through the tunnels, they kept their eyes peeled for any signs of other people, but the nearly identical paths refused to divulge any secrets. As soon as Nacho had that thought, he realized that he needed to get an answer to the pigeon problem. “Reuben, you said you know how the Cootie attack was finally defeated?”

“Yes! Right, so… it was the fact that he went into the Green Room. That by itself fixed the issue,” Reuben stated instantly, then scanned the group to see if anyone understood from only that much context. “Nothing? Alright, listen. What is a Green Room for?”

“It’s where the understudies in a play or concert go to wait and see if they’ll be needed for the event.” Kala broke into the conversation, clearly wanting this information as well. “I was in one of those things all the time.”

“Uh-huh. Eduardo! What did the debuff tell you when you got it?” Reuben prodded the Warrior, who was completely taken aback that he had been put on the spot.

“It said… that I needed to kill all the bugs at once or find my way into something like a theater or concert hall to get rid of the debuff.” He looked around helplessly, trying to understand what was going on. “I didn’t, though, so I don’t know what happened.”

“Perfect. Allow me to elucidate on your behalf.” Reuben cleared his throat and met the eye of everyone that was waiting on his answer. “You were hit by a pigeon’s sonic attack, which deals damage over time and spreads to anyone else that gets too close. The bugs are real, but they can’t be grabbed. That’s okay, because you didn’t need to grab them in the Green Room. They couldn’t get off the floor or the walls after they were drawn to those surfaces.”

“Right…” Eduardo, just like everyone else, couldn’t see where the explanation was going. “How does going into the Green Room solve my problem?”

“We didn’t need to grab them or kill them. They couldn’t get off the surfaces in there.” Reuben waved his hands in a ‘come on’ gesture. “Really, guys? We didn’t need to pull them off of you because as soon as they got near the surfaces… the acoustics got rid of them. The coo… sticks. Pigeons. Sonic attacks. A-coo-sticks to the walls.”

From that point forward, until they were approaching the outer rooms, no one would speak to Reuben, no matter how hard he tried.

“The worst part is, you know he's right,” Brie confided in Kala, who angrily nodded her agreement. “Why couldn't the end of the world be a zombie apocalypse instead?”

“Listen up, Brunch Force,” Nacho called as soon as they could see statues, “it looks like we’ve beaten Crave to the pre-sanctum rooms. But… just in case we didn’t, be ready. Watch your back as we go through. Rear guard, we’re counting on you.”

The group grimly nodded and took a step into the room. The *thwack* of an arrow releasing greeted their entrance, and Nacho threw himself to the ground—barely dodging the quarrel that exploded in the chest of the person behind him, one of Kala’s people, who was immediately slain.

Myron, also near Nacho, stared down at his chest, and in a grotesque mimicry of Bill’s death, found the blood-covered tip of a slender sword sticking out of his chest. It pulled back with a *squelch*, and just like that… Nacho had no more need to worry about what Myron might do in the future: he’d been killed by the sword cane in a single hit.

Crave slipped into a shadow and reappeared across the room to throw more backstabs at the Brunch Force. “Limited teleportation? That means… no! Everyone, attack!”

Shadow teleportation was a cheap trick that Nacho had used back in the day, but there was one specific requirement that was terrifying to Nacho. If Crave could use that Skill, it meant that he had found a way to get to Tier two. Nacho spread out his glowing potstickers, eradicating every bit of darkness he could. Stopping Crave with dumplings seemed ridiculous, but in a battle, a smart fighter used every weapon they could.

Taye answered Nacho’s call to action with his own exploding arrow, but Red Suzy melted it in midair with a flash of Flame Fingers. The payload exploded and blew the arms off one of the Patron statues, sending the gigantic spear crashing to the ground as the whole structure creaked. Dust boiled throughout the room, and suddenly Nacho could hardly see a thing. Even though Crave needed the darkness of shadows—not the obscurity of dust—the cook kept his head on a swivel, knives ready to strike, and never stopped moving.

Abby went sliding across the floor, leveled by the mace-wielding tank from Final Victory, Battalion. He’d nearly taken her head off with a cheap shot, and Kala stormed over to engage the armored bruiser in retaliation, only to be blasted to the ground by blue magic missiles and crossbow bolts.

Kala’s guild member, the crossbow guy whose name no one could ever remember, simultaneously caught a flaming arrow in the neck and a blue spell to the chest. Just like that, there was no more need to try to remember the crossbow guy’s name.

“Positive Vibes! Pull together; we can do this! Blood and cheese!” Reuben blustered while raising his hands, and the entire Brunch Force glowed. Their Healer rushed forward with his fists up, punching his way through the crowd toward Crave. Before he could manage to get too far, Rizzo appeared out of the murkiness and tried to impale him, but Kristie’s pink bolts cut through the weaselly man’s leather armor. The thief swore and reversed course without hesitation to disappear back into the smoke and shadows.

Crave vanished into the shadows as well. Nacho and his people were well and truly surrounded in Downtown Backstab. Being in that room was like taking a stroll down Crime Alley while chuckling about how much cash they were carrying.

“Everyone down a Life Hack and form up on me!” Nacho called out as he threw his back against a statue, cleaver raised and skillet shield covering his arm. Just as he got into position, one of Crave’s goons rushed him with a two-handed battle axe and a war cry.

Nacho deflected the blow on his shield, but for some reason, blood sprayed from his chest.

Health remaining: 35/50!

Nacho swung at the guy and struck him twice in the chest, but his cleaver went right through the strange man. It had been an illusion, and the goon’s real body flickered into sight about two feet to the right. That big axe whacked Nacho again.

Damage taken: 20/50! We’re fixin’ you up a pretty hole in the ground!

“Hazel! I need you to shove a grenade down this guy’s throat!” Nacho directed as he swung around wildly, hoping to catch the illusionist by pure chance.

“Coming, boss!” A purple explosion knocked both the goon and his illusory self to the floor, where he was perfectly placed to take the Splatter Mallet that Eduardo brought down on his spine to end him.

The cook thought about going for another of Crave’s people, but they needed to get out of the smoke and dust and form a skirmish line in a well-lit place. His thoughts coalesced rapidly: if Crave was in front of them, he couldn’t use his devastating backstab abilities. That did not pan out as he had hoped it would.

Nacho flinched as Eduardo screamed, a flaming arrow bristling out of his stomach. The Warrior survived the blast, but he dropped his hammer and someone kicked it away from him. Crave’s sword appeared out of nowhere and sent him to the ground in pieces.

A dark chuckle echoed from seemingly all around them as Crave teleported away and repositioned himself.

More of Kala’s people were killed. Abby was already on the floor, eerily motionless.

Brie popped a peanut butter ball and washed it down with the strawberry Life Hack yogurt but kept up her Combat Dashing. By speeding around, she couldn’t get hit by a backstabber. She drove Mr. Lacrosse Stick into Battalion with a grunt of pure focus, and he stumbled back and coughed up a mouthful of blood. Unfortunately, the enormous bruiser didn’t go down, swinging his mace and catching Brie’s helmet at an angle to send it soaring off her head. Sanguine fluid splashed down her face, but she wasn’t about to stop.

“Get to the archway!” Nacho organized the survivors as well as possible. “There are bright, magical torches in it, and there’s safety in the light!”

“I’m heading that way!” Reuben called out just as a loud *bra~ap* echoed from his ring, and the stink of cheese filled the room. “Ow! I’m getting tired of all this backstabbing! It’s ironic and painful!”

Having lost sight of Crave, Nacho knew better than to hesitate. He swung his Skillet of Turtling onto his back, and a sword point screeched off the metal just as it magnetized into place. “My skillet just saved me from death… I’ll have to thank it by cooking bacon later! No! Survive! If we win, I’ll find and make bacon!”

Not as many people were able to put aside the existential horror of what was happening and join in on any kind of gallows humor, but the situation being as it was… Nacho could let it go for now. Reuben made it to the archway and winced when he looked at his friend. “Hate to say it, Nacho, but you look terrible. You need a heal?”

“Eventually, but I have no debuffs. Prioritize Brie first, then Abby needs you the most.” Nacho inspected his wounds, which were gaping and unpleasant, but none were actively bleeding and making him lose health. “Game logic is a strange thing, isn’t it?”

“On it!” Reuben flung out his hands, wrapping himself up. “Hugging you from a distance, sweets! Now… I can’t get a line on Abby, the dust is…”

Nacho and Reuben had their backs to each other as they carefully scanned the area. Hazel and Taye joined them, Hazel acting as the archer’s shieldmaiden. If she started throwing indiscriminate grenades, she’d wind up hurting their own people. Kristie made it to the archway next, though she dived back into the scrum instead of finding succor, her silhouette highlighted by pink missiles whenever she got a bead on someone. Taye’s arrows were fired with the intent to kill, and he was using his massive damage arrows.

The billowing dust parted in cloudy swirls as Brie dashed over to the archway. Abby, Kala, and Eduardo were down if not dead, leaving only Brie as their heavy damage dealer. Just as she joined the group, a flaming arrow zipped out of the dust and exploded in their midst.

Someone else pelted them with boulders, practically making it rain rocks—a clear sign of an Earth Mage in the opposing guild. A stone banged off Nacho’s pot, and the Helm of Boiling barely managed to save his life.

Health remaining: 10/50! If you’re seeing this, you should be fighting instead of reading!

Nacho wolfed down a peanut butter ball and followed it with a power yogurt chaser, devoting the boost to his Fitness to grant him a slew of extra health to play with. He couldn’t even remember when the last boost had worn off, but that had been way too close. A quick check showed he had jumped up to a total of eighty-eight Health Points. Even with being down forty, he now had over half his health remaining instead of knocking on death's door.

For a moment, the cook couldn’t understand why this fight was so different. Why they were losing, and frankly getting whooped. Then he put the pieces together. “Crave didn’t just upgrade himself; he leveled his people as well. That would have cost… millions of credits. I guess Crave can use everything his guild collects without any fear of reprisal, but how did he get so many, so fast? He must have used almost everything that hundreds of people had collected on himself before we got here. Not… alright, it is surprising, but I feel like it shouldn’t be.”

The floor buckled, statues fell, and Nacho pushed his people out of the archway as his honed senses told him that they needed to move. Reuben and Brie dragged Hazel and Kristie against a wall, behind one of the only statues of the patrons left—Kronos in his toga and his Yankees baseball cap. That felt like a good omen to Nacho, and now they had a position about twenty feet from the archway that was relatively concealed by the dust, smoke, and ash hanging in the air. They kept their backs to the wall, and Nacho’s glowing potstickers buzzed around them, preventing shadows from forming nearby.

“You’re in my corner, and I should stay in your corner,” Nacho murmured softly as he realized that Kronos had given him a hint to survival the last time they had talked. With light back in his eyes, he tried to give his people hope. “No shadows, no shadow teleportation. Stay close…”

Taye stepped forward, out in the open, drawing a bead on someone, then paused to use Eagle Aim. The minute he let the arrow fly, Battalion’s mace appeared out of the mess and smacked Taye in the face. Their Archer went down, and Battalion laughed as he dragged Taye by the foot to the edge of the archway.

Trying to keep the desperation out of his voice, Nacho called out, “Crave! It’s not us you want! The Dragon Spear is right there, isn’t it?”

The dust slowly settled, the sounds of combat fading to nothing. Nacho scanned the haze for everything he could see, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw that Kristie was still alive, her pink hair nearly gray from the smoke and ash. Hazel lay next to her, barely conscious, though all the color had drained from her face. Nacho felt sick to his stomach when he realized that her husband, Hank, likely hadn’t survived the fight.

They’d seen Battalion take Taye’s body. The entire fight had been a massacre. Even so, the Chips Guild—with a tish of help from the Sunrise Brigade—hadn’t done too bad, all things considered.

Crave was left with only his three best fighters—Suzy, Rizzo, and Battalion—as well as one last guy in chainmail pants and a ring-mail shirt, who was breathing hard and struggling for air. Judging by the soft body he had managed to keep even after months of near-starvation, the last person was a spellcaster.

The five remaining guild members of the Final Victory stood under the archway. Battalion rested one bulky metal shoe on Taye’s body. The man heaving for breath lifted his hand, his fists glowed, and the wounds on Crave and his goons healed over.

“Not something you need to worry about. We are going to get the Dragon Spear,” Crave calmly informed them. “But I think it’s clear that we win. Let’s you and I talk terms of your surrender. I’m thinking absolute surrender, you empty your guild vault, and then join my guild at the lowest rank.”

Nacho wasn’t going about to get chatty and give away whatever bargaining power they had. Instead he weighed his odds of success in a direct fight. Crave had four people, as did Nacho, so it would be five against five.

The silence stretched, and Crave didn’t approve. “Doritos, are you listening?”

Keeping his voice low, Nacho motioned for the others to try to ease into position. “Kristie, Hazel, how are your Mana levels?”

From the bleak expression on their faces, it was clear they were out. Reuben made a face and shook his head. “As always, we can eat to hit people during combat, but we can’t eat to improve our Mana situation.”

Crave wasn’t going to wait long, and he had Taye as a hostage. “Last chance, Doritos. Battalion is getting impatient. There’s this special skull-crushing thing he does; it’s truly a beautiful work of art. If you don’t want to see it, you need to give up now.”

Nacho had a large bonus to his total Health for the moment, as did Brie, who was even topped off, thanks to Reuben. The Healer didn’t look too good, so Nacho decided that any plan he made needed to limit his friend’s involvement. Brie had a cup of the Life Hack yogurt at her lips and was sucking down the cottage cheese and strawberries to max out her Hunger Points. Knowing her, she was gearing up for an attack. Nacho considered that, thinking that perhaps she could Combat Dash over, then Defensive Whirl to save herself from the initial attack, but by then… Taye would be dead.

The cook took a deep breath, adjusted his pot helmet, raised his skillet shield, and crept forward until he was standing in the middle of the room. “Okay, Crave. No need for any more murder. Look at him… Taye is just a kid. Let him go, and we’ll get out of here. You can have the Dragon Spear.”

“How gracious of you to give us what we’ve earned already.” Battalion let his mace drop onto Taye’s inert body, and the archer let out a wheezing cry.

Crave grinned contemptuously at Nacho. He’d taken some damage, he was dusty, and yet… that melonhead looked like he was at home. “I’m estimating that your Mind Players are out of Mana. They won’t be thirsty, because water, even Tier one water, is relatively cheap. Your Body Players have your Healer and your snacks to keep them going. Which means… you trying to buy time, Doritos? That’s an expensive purchase. It’ll cost you your little friend here, for starters.”

Nacho shrugged easily and waved his hand at the downed teen. “The thought occurred to me; I decided against it. I just want Taye.”

“You won’t find any time here.” Battalion lifted and dropped his mace on Taye, letting out a chuckle at the *crunch* and whimper that resulted. “Every time I hurt this kid, it guarantees that Active Combat keeps going. No one gets Health or Mana Regen, but how long will he last, do you think?”

Crave sheathed his sword back into his cane, casually pulling the Ivory Talon from his Storage Slot. “I know you want your Archer. How old is he? Fifteen? He couldn’t even have his driver’s license yet.”

Brie stepped forward, stick raised and glowing ball loaded. “Nacho is offering you a deal. Take it, or I will kill you and every last one of your people. Though I might keep that Healer alive; I could use a spare to kick around.”

The fleshy Healer turned a few shades whiter.

It seemed like Crave didn’t know if he wanted to scoff at the threat or leer at her in victory. “You wouldn’t sacrifice the kid. Besides, I have the Ivory Talon. I’ve won.”

Brie was about to turn on her speed, Nacho could see it in her eyes. She was going to smash in Battalion’s face. She could, because she’d been eating, and she had the Hunger Points and massive Fitness boost. Battalion had to be low on Hunger Points, and he wouldn’t be able to block her attacks. The Berserker could wipe them out. Maybe not by herself, but Reuben and Nacho could help. But… if they attacked, that was the end for Taye.

“Stop.” Nacho’s hand shot out, and he grabbed her shoulder to lock her in place. As the dust settled, he had noticed something that changed everything. It had started as little things, one being the archer statues of regular people in the room. The shape of the arrows, the symbols in the circles around the door… everything clicked.

The mob drop from Hana Banana: the recipe for Honey Buffalo Chicken Skewers. That was the answer.

“Brie,” Nacho turned to face her, taking his eyes off the enemy to drive his point home. All he could do was hope that his eyes showcased that he had a plan. “Crave is right. He won. Stand down.”