CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Twenty-Five

Nacho realized that his pans were smoking, so he used his Gauntlets of Oven Taming to remove them from the grill before returning to the conversation. “Okay, Bill, since you’re looking at my Stat Sheet, let me spend some credits and show you why what I’m doing is in all of our best interests. I’m going to raise my Cooking Magic all the way to the current maximum, and then I’m going to upgrade my Small Blades Skill to Tier one. Who knows? At Tier one, I might be able to slice and dice people from across the room.”

“I’m going by Scrubz.” The fighter crossed his arms and glared until Nacho rolled his eyes and nodded.

He spent the two thousand and nine hundred credits to get his Cooking Magic to level nineteen; then an additional two hundred credits to boost his Small Blades Skill to level ten. Nacho planned on eventually taking it to level nineteen, but he wasn’t in a hurry to spend all their credits—especially not when other people might need the money more. A message distracted him, and he nodded as he looked over what was essentially a direct weapon mastery upgrade.

Small Blades Skill at Tier 1 bonus skill!

Congratulations on getting your little knife abilities up to Tier 1. You can now use your cutting ability at range! Yes, you can cut things that are six inches away in combat, or when chopping food! Amaze your friends! Be the life of the party. Stand back from blood splatter! The bonuses are amazing! Note: this is a different outcome than processing ingredients. By pulling the Putrid Mana out of a larger chunk, it separates by itself! Technically, it is not cut, it is simply no longer able to attach to the main portion!

Nacho suddenly found himself as interested in his Stat Sheet as Scrubz was, and opened it to see how he had managed to improve.

Eli ‘Nacho’ Naches

Class: Junior League Chef

Level: 10

Experience Points: 14,400 to Level 11!

Current Credits: 7756

Build Type: Balanced, Delayed

Body:

• Fitness: 20
• Metabolic efficiency: 20

Mind:

• Mental energy: 20
• Circuit: 20

Satiation:

• Hunger: 100
• Thirst: 100

Total Health Points: 50

Bonus Physical Damage: 10%

Health Regen: 20% Health Regen/minute

Total Mana Pool: 40

Bonus Spell Damage: 10%

Mana Pool Regen: 20% Mana Regen/minute

Skill Slots (3/4)

• Small Blades (Passive) Level 10: 20% bonus damage on all knife attacks.
  • Tier 1 Enhancement: Your blades can slice from up to 6 inches away from their edge!
    • No Mana, Hydration, or Metabolic Cost
• Ingredient Processing (Active) Level 17: Remove Putrid Mana from monsters up to Level 19.
  • Tier 1 Enhancement: Process ingredients from 15 feet away!
    • Mana Cost = 5%
    • Hydration Cost = 5%
    • Metabolic Cost = 5%
• Cooking Magic (Active) Level 19: Create food that enhances a single stat by 95% of maximum.
  • Tier 1 Enhancement: Throw magic into a food item you cooked from 15 feet away!
    • Mana Cost = 5%
    • Hydration Cost = 5%
    • Metabolic Cost = 5%
• Open slot

Nacho could think of plenty of new and interesting ways to extend the reach of his blade. It also reminded him that sometimes dodging a little was just not enough; you could never be sure what kind of skill your opponent could use to change combat in their favor.

“I think I’m starting to get it.” Scrubz' eyes glowed while he perused Nacho’s Stat Sheet. “If you do your chicken and biscuits—raising both to at least Uncommon rarity—that’s going to give us a hundred and ninety percent boost to one of our stats. With Eduardo using the hammer, and me with the gauntlets… I’ll admit it’s impressive. You’ll make people hit like they’re two entire Tiers above their actual level. Three, if you figure out how to make Epic food consistently.”

The guy stopped talking, and he seemed upset about something. Brie seemed not to notice, but Reuben caught on immediately. “You okay, Bill-board?”

Scrubz didn’t answer right away, ignoring the playful jab. When he did, his voice was bitter. “It’s just that build type, and Nacho’s stats. I’m… jealous. There. I said it.”

He turned to storm away, but Reuben pulled him down onto the couch. “Easy does it. Don’t be jealous of Nacho. For one, when he kills something, he can’t earn credits. Dude can only get it through cooking and selling the food. All those inflated stats? All they are doing is helping him cook for longer periods of time. Lastly, we’re here to help everyone.”

“We are,” Brie agreed, though her words came off far colder than Reuben’s. Her husband had a level of empathy that she just… didn’t. In a lot of ways, Brie saw the Bills and the other disgruntled people as resource sinks; no return on investment from that sort of person for keeping them alive, except as a warm body to bait monsters.

Scrubz gave Nacho a hard, if somewhat nervous, look. “You showed me your Stat Sheet. I’m going to trust you, Nacho.”

“Please do.” Nacho was more than a little curious at this point. If Scrubz tried to renege on his agreement, the cook might need to start cutting the man until he folded. Probably wouldn’t look too good for a leader to do that.

“I was actively involved in martial arts back before the Juxtaposition, and I got a Generic Martial Arts Skill, along with a passive ability that adds a percentage point of damage per level. It’s at level nine, so I’m doing nine percent bonus damage with any kicks and punches. I did pretty well in the Evaluation World, and in the Evaluation Mall, I just bought the simple Warrior class, but I bought three extra Skills.” Scrubz scratched his neck, obviously uncomfortable sharing this much information with anyone. “The first one I bought is ‘Steel Strike’, at level nine. It gives me another percentage on hit, so my attacks are doing nine points each hit.”

He looked around to see if that was enough information, but everyone else remained silent so long that Scrubz finally broke down and continued. “I guess my big attack is the Roundhouse Hammer Skill, which doubles my damage for a single hit. It’s pretty good, but it takes a lot of Hunger Points. I also have a Billy Block Skill—and I don’t know why it’s called that. It’s my defensive Skill, but I gotta toggle it on and off. It costs Hunger and Thirst per second, but I do damage and I block eighteen percent of any attack against me. That’s at level nine as well.”

“It’s called that because your name is Bill, no matter what you want to be called out of angst. I bet it’s like Abby’s Slippery Block,” Reuben prodded gently, just enough to keep the conversation flowing. “As to how hard you hit, with the bonus from the gauntlets, you’ll be doing ten points per hit, right? That makes you a powerhouse in our group, friend.”

“Right,” Scrubz stated in a relieved tone. “I’m itching to get my three Skills to Tier one, because then I’ll be able to throw punches from a distance while blocking; I’ll also be able to throw kicks? Not really sure how that all works, or how far it’ll be. But it’s going to cost a fortune. We… appreciate you giving us back the thousand. I know we’re out here for the good of the guild and all, but you didn’t need to do it. You could’ve just kept it. Still… I’m going to be a couple thousand short.”

Nacho closed his eyes and breathed out a light sigh. He should have seen this coming: Bill only came around for two things: handouts or to complain about other people getting handouts. Two thousand credits were sent right away, but he also sent two thousand and nine hundred credits on top of that, some of his own, some from the Dinner Party. “Get to Tier one, but then upgrade all four of your Skills to level nineteen. We need you kicking and punching their hearts out.”

“That’s right. Just like there’s no ‘I’ in ‘team,’ there’s no ‘me’ in ‘guild’.” Reuben held out a double-thumbs up. “Suffice to say, we need you at your best.”

Scrubz' face twisted into a more normal shape: a heavy frown. “It’s not right. Those are taxes from the guild. I can’t take the credits.”

Nacho let out a true laugh as the man proved that he wasn’t anti-Nacho, he was just anti-big-government. “You are a pain in the meatballs, but you’re a good fighter. You’re smart, and it seems like you have the best interest of the guild at heart. If we die down here, what good will the credits be? Armor Mountain is secure and in good hands. We have to be successful in this quest, and for that to happen, shut up and upgrade.”

The frown faded, slowly replaced on Scrubz' face by an exultant grin. “Well, now, if I do all the upgrades, I’ll be unstoppable. I’ll be punching at nineteen points of damage. My Roundhouse Hammer will be doing thirty-eight points of damage. That’s without Positive Vibes and your Cooking Magic.”

“Thank goodness.” Brie sighed in happiness at whatever vision was playing out in her mind. “Good. We can put you up front to get beat on like the rest of us. Abby and I are tired of carrying you.”

“Let me tell you one thing…” Scrubz turned deadly serious. “I won’t let you guys down. I won’t. You’re taking a chance on me. Maybe I don’t even need the Dragon Spear, now that I’m all upgraded. But, uh, I’m going to go buy the levels in private.”

Scrubz retreated into the lobby, but Nacho was already focused on other important things. The Dinner Party had thirteen thousand, one hundred and seventy-five credits left among them, which meant they could afford to upgrade four Skills up to level nineteen without tapping into Chips Guild money. He quickly brought his friends in on his mental calculations. “We obviously need to take Reuben’s Healing Hugs to Tier one. That’s going to be three hundred and forty credits. Then we crank Reuben’s Positive Vibes all the way to level nineteen. Then we get all of Brie’s Skills up to level nineteen. It’s all Brie, all the time, until our tank is absolutely maxed out.”

Both of them did a little checking, and their eyes glowed while they accessed the Store. Reuben was the first to blink away the light. “I’ll be healing fifty health, and people will be hitting with an extra thirty-eight percentage points of damage thanks to my vibes, man. Gotta love the vibes.”

“Let’s do this!” Brie grinned like a shark as she realized how hard she would be hitting in the near future. Both of them upgraded their Skills to the max, knowing it was the last time they would be doing anything like this for a long, long time.

It would take hundreds of thousands of credits to get to Tier two, and that was when they’d be able to get their Skills up to level twenty. It might take a while, but for the first time… it actually felt like they’d get there.

After the upgrades, Brie shared her Stat Sheet.

Brie McCurdy

Class: Berserker

Tier Class Name: Battle Babe

Level: 10

Experience Points: 14,400 to Level 11!

Current Credits: 3243 (1575 total Dinner Party pool)

Skill Slots (3/4)

• Athletic Endurance (Passive) Level 19: 38% reduction to hunger loss penalties when using physical skills.
  • Tier 1 Enhancement: Eating food considered ‘Healthy’ will offer an extra portion per three portions.
    • No Mana, Hydration, or Metabolic Cost
• Combat Dash (Active) Level 19: 38% Damage on Dash Attacks, 10-meter dash.
  • Tier 1 Enhancement: Throw your attack up to 15 feet!
    • Mana Cost = 0%
    • Hydration Cost = 0%
    • Metabolic Cost = 10%
• Defensive Whirl (Active) Level 19: Spin toward your enemy, auto-blocking up to 10 strikes.
  • Tier 1 Enhancement: Throw your Whirl up to 15 feet!
    • Mana Cost = 0%
    • Hydration Cost = 0%
    • Metabolic Cost = 15%
• Open slot

Brie was grinning ear to ear. “I can block up to ten attacks simultaneously! No one is going to be able to touch me. I love that thirty-eight percent bonus damage, and I won’t get so hungry when I use my skills. Also, finally I have a reason not to eat that greasy filth you make. I demand healthy food; I can barely stomach the-”

“What’s going on with your new Class name?” Reuben was already wincing by the time his question finished leaving his mouth.

“These Patrons…” Brie went completely still, holding her hands out in an attempt to keep her rage internal. “Why aren’t you the ‘Babe of Soothing’? You’d probably like that name!”

“No!” Reuben loudly stated, looking around hopefully. “Absolutely not, I’d hate it! Don’t tempt the Patrons into making me a name like that next time I Tier up! But seriously, they likely did that to mess with you. Best way to get a better one next time is to give them zero entertainment right now.”

Brie took a few deep breaths, flashed a sharp smile, and continued as if she had not been interrupted. “I do love that I can throw Combat Dash damage up to fifteen feet, but I’m gonna need to see that one in action to really understand it. But the fact that I can save other people with my Defensive Whirl? At a distance? Awesome.”

The group lapsed into silence for a few moments as each person considered how the upgrades were going to impact future battles. Reuben furrowed his brow, an idea seeming to blossom from inside his skull before erupting into the world through his mouth. “Speaking of Skills… when are we going to buy ourselves another Skill? We all have an open slot.”

Nacho exhaled slowly. He had known this would come up soon enough, but he hadn't expected it moments after they maximized the Skills that they already owned. “Reuben, Skills are tricky. Sometimes you get one you think will be great, but it turns out not to do much, and then you have to spend a bunch of credits to get rid of it. Truth be told, I’ve been waiting for a Skill Box to show up in a dungeon. Anytime you find one, the System offers up rare and powerful Skills. First person to locate it gets it for way cheaper than anyone else will after them, but everyone else can buy it from then on. Back in my Probability Vision, they were pretty rare at first, but as time passed, more and more people found them. I’d like us to wait.”

“Then we wait,” Brie agreed easily, knowing that this was a situation his foreknowledge was most likely still heavily useful in. “But only until we have the credits to buy a new Skill, and keep a free Skill Slot ready for it.”

“Maybe we’ll find a Skill Box in the UnderFun,” Reuben mused aloud.

Personally, Nacho doubted it. He thought they might have to wait a couple years for the Skills Box dungeons to become more plentiful, bu~ut there was no need to tell them that. He left his friends to their excited chatting and decided that he had taken a long enough break.

It was time to get into Active Cooking.

Preparing meals for the mixture of Tiers was a bit more complicated than one Tier had been. It didn't take long for Nacho to learn that it was easier to just make two batches of everything. He started at Tier zero, since there were so many more in the Brunch Force than the Tier ones.

Biscuits, then sausage gravy for both levels. Those were going to pack a punch—he added his Cooking Magic to both after ensuring that the meals were at the Highest quality, and therefore highest Rarity, that he could manage. After breakfast, everyone should be rolling out of the hotel with a one hundred and ninety percent boost to one of their stats.

Nacho finally came to the conclusion that his Pauldrons of Frying were amazing. It didn't matter if he was cooking sausages or eggs, nothing stuck even slightly. Even with the restricted cooking station, he was able to eke out a perfect cooking experience.

As for his new at-range Small Blades ability, it was cool to slice a piece of meat six inches from the initial cut. It also allowed him to slice through thick meat simply by placing his blade atop it. Frankly, if the Skill hadn’t granted him a perfect, instinctive way to use it, there was a good chance he would have gutted himself on multiple occasions.

“Ay, Cookie!” Reuben called from across the courtyard where he was comfortably lounging on the couch. “Sending you the upgrade info for Marketing hitting Tier one!”

The message that appeared a moment later wasn’t very clear on what the Skill could achieve:

• Marketing (Active) Level 19: Able to lure creatures to a location. Impacts up to Level: 20. Tier 1 Enhancement: Maximizes the four principles of marketing (Product, Price, Place, and Promotion).

The nondescript detail gave Nacho pause, but to Reuben’s great disappointment, the cook simply got back to work and didn't say anything else about it. Nacho knew that most of the time when the System provided something that didn’t have a concrete value to it, the enhancement meant nothing. He didn’t want to be the one to tell his friend that his Skill may have just been pointlessly upgraded.

By the time Nacho finished everything necessary, some people had already crashed in the hotel’s first floor rooms. While running into UnderFun monsters was inevitable, they were all enjoying real beds and a little break in the meantime.

From his adirondack in the courtyard, Nacho peered into the distance, noticing a large shape idly flying around some of the underground skyscrapers. He shook his head, reminding himself that the creatures outside were tomorrow’s problem, and settled in for a long night of restless sleep.

He was the Guild Leader, and that meant that it was his responsibility to create a feasible plan to explore the entire DKCU and find the Dragon Spear first. He closed his eyes and tried to let his worry fade away. “Shoulda made Reuben take the job. I gotta cook and clean up this mess?”