CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Seven

Nacho made sure his oven was at temperature, nodding as he felt the radiating heat. With a practiced motion, he slid three skillets in to get the first round of biscuits going. He then poured everyone coffee or tea, trying not to note the fact that it cost two credits a mug for the Epic stuff. The cook made a conscious effort to throw off the unease of spending money on such frivolous items: it should be a justified expense. He hoped that the comfort it could provide would help to offset the emotional toll this conversation was going to take on all of them.

Reuben added a handful of sugar, which he took out of his pocket and added directly to his cup. Nacho didn’t bother asking why it wasn’t packaged; he wasn’t sure he wanted the answer.

The cook settled in on his stool as Becky started explaining between sips of coffee. “We lost Maggie to a sneak attack by Crave. Technically his Archer, that terrible Suzy woman, but they don't do anything without him ordering it, I'm sure of it. The Martinezes were out with a hunting party, and they drifted south. A little too far south, it seems. They were tracking a herd of Wight-Tailed Deer when they were ambushed.”

Silence fell in the kitchen, and Dan took over the story a moment later. “We think they were just attacking us for the credits. That’s what Matt thinks, at least. The arrows started flying, and the guy with the mace charged in. There was a skirmish, and most of our people were able to run. Crave’s killers chased them, but Matt and the others found the main party. When they realized they were outnumbered, Suzy and the others fell back.”

“Red Suzy Blacke,” Reuben growled as he recalled the arrows he had needed to pull out of his rear the last time they had come near each other. “She tried to make me Swiss cheese.”

The mayoral couple looked confused at the non sequitur.

Nacho knew better than to attempt to engage his friend in conversation when he was acting like this, so he started speaking his thoughts aloud. “This sounds far less accidental than you might think… I'd even go so far as to say it was meticulously planned. Frankly, an accidental ambush would have been better; if we need to start a war with Crave, all of us are going to lose. We just found good reasons that can be used to draw people to Armor Mountain and the guild.”

“Yeah!” Reuben’s forcibly cheerful agreement was unnecessary, and Nacho started to think that he was playing up his silliness to hide his discomfiture. “Wheat Thins. We’ll win the Guild Wars with Wheat Thins! Or nachos. Not the person, but the deliciousness?”

“We need to up our defensive capabilities.” Nacho found himself planning aloud, the ideas in his head pouring out into the open in a surprisingly cohesive manner. “As much as I want to get in there and crack some heads, we can’t focus on Crave. We need to build up our eastern walls. We have a great strategic position here, but if we’re going to attract as many people as we intend, we’ll need to do some city planning. No more letting people build houses anywhere they have been squatting. If we get, let's say… five thousand people up here, we’ll need water, shelter, and toilets for everyone. In fact, there’s a special half-price toilet option in the Store—no, let’s stay on task.”

“Housing should be pretty straightforward, right?” Brie offered her thoughts as she mentally divided the place up as though it were going to be hosting a whole slew of various track and field events. “If we put up houses along the main street, we also have the western cliffs that are currently empty. We can do stacked homes up there: part wall, part apartment complex. Perhaps we can make housing available more rapidly to people that start working directly for the guild? We need volunteers to bring the Costco supplies here, and this could be a way to incentivise it.”

“Smart.” Nacho agreed with her plan instantly, holding up a thumb in acknowledgement. “How are people taking the deaths?”

“Matt is doing… as well as can be expected,” Becky stated haltingly, her face contorting slightly. “We talked, and I have to tell you, my counseling Skill is almost terrifying to me. The fact that I can help people through various stages of grief so rapidly and get them on the path to healing? It is probably the most unnatural thing that I have experienced in this world. That said, a new project might be the perfect thing for him to truly heal and be able to move forward with his life.”

Dan joined in on the conversation once more. “I’ll talk with him, but I don’t think you’ll have any trouble finding people to do the Costco run. Especially if you follow through on that housing opportunity.”

Nacho rolled his eyes and scoffed lightly. “I shouldn't think it’d be hard. Frankly, even without the housing, I think that the option of getting priority access to those snacks would draw people in. This is going to be huge for us. Also, someone find out what Matt likes to eat, and I’ll cook up something special for him. It sucks to lose people, but at least now we know how Crave is playing this game. I’m… kind of surprised, to be honest. I didn't think he'd be so openly brutal. I figured he’d make his moves and go into hiding before finally popping out into the open and trying to make it look like he is some kind of legitimate businessman. Ya know, a kindly old dude who’s just trying to help people out but is restricted by the people influencing him.”

“The people around him are probably influencing him,” Brie growled while moving her hands to draw out a curvy feminine figure in the air. “I can't imagine he has many positive influences.”

“Can't argue with that. I know I’m being influenced toward being a better person, thanks to all of you.” Nacho tapped on the table before nonchalantly walking to the oven and pulling out the perfectly browned biscuits. The fact that he did it without even thinking should have been shocking to him, but his mind was miles away. “What were you going to say before I interrupted you?”

“Two things… I don't agree that people will be as excited as you think they will to be hooked up to large wagons as if they are draft horses. Definitely lead with the house as payment for the work.” Reuben grinned at whatever mental image he was creating. “Secondly, I was going to say that I do agree with you about the situation. We don’t need to—and definitely shouldn’t—go to war with Crave. We can beat him by growing our guild until it is large enough that it is unmistakably clear that if they start something, we will come down on them like a landslide. Speaking of people we shouldn't seek out for combat, let's add Kala and your old buddy Myron to that list.”

Nacho felt his stomach turn in disgust. “Myron. Ugh… that guy needs to be put down for everyone’s sake-”

“Which is why I am adding them to the ‘don't seek out for fighting’ list. Otherwise, you might get drawn into an ambush. It seems like something that you’d do; chasing down an old rival for no real reason.” Reuben nodded along with himself as though he were offering sage advice, and the cook didn’t miss the fact that the stress on ‘real’ meant that the healer had been listening far closer than expected when he’d asked them not to share the details of his boon.

“Well, thanks for the vote of confidence.” Nacho grimaced at his friend and continued, “You’re also right. If we become the biggest beast in the land, and if we’re well known for being able to feed people that hit Tier one, they’ll join us just because they don't want to starve to death. On that note, we’re probably eventually going to outgrow Armor Mountain. For now, I agree that we can keep houses down on the ground, as long as we have more walls. But make sure to let everyone know that eventually all houses will be replaced with larger complexes. No individual owns the space on top of the mountain—that belongs to the guild. If they want a permanent house, that will mean living in the Foothills. Less safe, but more private.”

“Bill will definitely do that. I swear that man has a death wish. I can help set up some planning, since I have some experience with people like him,” Dan said with a sad smile. “I’m glad we’re not going on the warpath against other humans. It would seem… insane to me, and to anyone else. That would undoubtedly be the fastest path toward a vote of ‘no confidence’, since we already have enough trouble fighting the monsters.”

“We still have the CrossHumans to deal with. I don't want my own people to be my enemy.” Nacho couldn’t guarantee he had really seen Arriodd walking around, but who else could it have been? Someone that looked and sounded exactly like him? This early in the Juxtaposition? It just seemed so… improbable. If the man was really the human-hunting monster he had known in his last life, Nacho had no idea what had made the alien leave them alone. Perhaps it was because Arriodd only had a normal sword at the time, and not the katana designed to help him take his gruesome game to its maximum limits.

Or perhaps he would never get it in the first place?

That hope made Nacho feel better; a lot better. It wasn’t clear where that sword had come from, but most agreed that it was from the CrossWorld and had entered through the portal with the CrossHuman. Nacho figured that they’d have to go through a portal themselves at some stage, something he’d not had to do in his Probability Vision. If he could get that katana first, that might change the endgame even more than the ways things had already been changed.

His biscuits had fluffed up wonderfully, so he painted on some honey-butter to top them off, but he opted not to add in cooking Magic to make them useful. These were for comfort only, not to remind people that they always needed to be ready to fight. Everyone got a taste of his home cooking, spoke a little more, then slowly began to filter out of the kitchen. Dan and Becky left first, followed swiftly by Brie and Reuben, and Nacho privately decided that this would be the final night the newly married couple would need to spend in a tent.

As for the cook, he was just happy to be back in his near-modern kitchen. He pulled his bedroll out and whistled as he set it on the top shelf to keep his head near his oven. Once he was tucked away in his sleeping bag, his pillow comfortably under his head, he fell asleep instantly—as though he had no troubles in the whole wide world.

Nacho woke with a start, shaking off the last vestiges of a nightmare involving CrossHumans, zombies, and a Guild Master nibbling on his fingers and cracking them open for the marrow. “I hope that dream was because I only just now learned about the loss of one of my guild members. Bleh.”

They were bound to lose others, but he was the one that they were relying on to keep casualties to a minimum. He had never expected that kind of responsibility, and now it seemed that the stress was messing with his head.

Someone knocked on his serving window, nearly making him scream but actually making him fall out of the top shelf. He couldn't break his fall, as he was completely wrapped up in his sleeping bag, though he managed to twist around enough to land on his backside first. After picking himself up and rubbing his sore tush, he padded across the floor, knuckling the sleep out of his eyes.

He opened the door to find a bevy of fresh faces that he just barely recognized. Carl, a random player that had recently joined the guild, winced as he noticed the sorry state the cook was in. “Sorry to bother you, Guild Leader Nacho. We were wondering if you were open for breakfast? I thought I smelled fresh bread. Are… are those biscuits for anyone?”

“You can have those if you want them, otherwise I will get started on breakfast right away.” He waved the dozen or so adventurers into the kitchen with a smile. Since he was in a good mood, all things considered, Nacho decided to get his fryer going and serve them more biscuits with some crispy Oscreech tenders. He knew some leftover meat was hanging in his icebox room. It was easy to keep cold in winter like this, but his kitchen was going to have some issues come summer without any further updates.

The strangest thing was that the difficulty was all about the sheer tidal wave of credits he had to spend on ice for his icebox. He could buy dry ice in blocks, but that might be too expensive. Or, it might work better. He was a cook, not an engineer. It could even be that because they were living in a magical place, with magical bodies, Epic-ranked dry ice just might last indefinitely. Unlikely, but maybe. “Then again, I bet it would all turn into carbon dioxide, build up in the freezer, then suffocate me as soon as I opened the door. That sounds like something the Patrons would do.”

While he chopped the thick Oscreech thighs into tenders, getting double the yield because of the HungerCry Knives, he placed his industrial-sized waffle iron on the stove. It was four-foot by four-foot, so he heated it by using all the burners at maximum heat. It worked amazingly well to help him feed hundreds of people quickly, but it was truly Colonel White Beard’s recipe that did most of the heavy lifting.

The sudden breakfast rush brought him another fifty credits, so he was sitting pretty at over two thousand credits among the three of his immediate party members. Brie and Reuben finally entered the area, sniffing hungrily, and Nacho already had their coffee waiting. “Finally convinced yourselves to leave the bed? I should charge you double. You both got to sleep in while I had to get the guild on its feet. But… we’re fifty credits richer.”

“Eh, so charge us double,” Reuben good-naturedly teased him. “Zero times two is still zero.”

Nacho rolled his eyes and handed them Juxtaposition trays with the last of his chicken and waffles. He knew that the fresh ones were a hundred times better than the leftovers, but he didn’t need the torrent of comparisons that were soon pouring out of Reuben’s mouth.

As his friend chattered on about how much he missed store-bought bread, Nacho’s thoughts returned to Crave. He couldn’t help wondering what the man was thinking. Had he really been the one to send Red Suzy out on a rampage? Nacho hoped not, but in all honesty, his old Guild Master was probably just fine with it. Crave had been willing to murder The Dinner Party outside the Bove’s Lair, had captured Nacho to feed his guild, and likely had a bounty on the cook’s head for killing off two of his trusted minions.

If the Bove hadn’t been there to inadvertently help them out, The Dinner Party would have been slain the last time. That firmed his resolve in an instant. No matter what their relationship may have been like in another life…

In this world, they were enemies.