CWD: GA ~ Epilogue

Killing the Bove didn’t give them many credits—only forty—but the System did give Brie a ten credit bonus for killing something above her Tier, which felt more like a kick in the teeth than a reward after how hard it had been to take out the monster.

Weirdly enough, they’d gone back inside the cave to find more of the skull vines blocking their way—the deadly strands had at least quadrupled. Nacho wasn’t sure what was going on, but it was definitely suspicious. “Is it just me, or do you guys think the Juxtaposition is hiding something back there?

“You’re right, and we abyss-well know it.” Brie limbered up, getting her hammer ready for a bit more work. “Come on, guys. I don't know about you, but I'm not about to let some foliage stand between me and whatever is past here.”

There was something deeply satisfying about watching the Berserker smashing the skull-shaped plants one by one.  Each time she landed a hit, it sounded like a baseball bat *cracking* to announce a home run.  The plants, being plants, couldn't do much to defend themselves if the players didn't get in range, and soon, the path forward was clear.

Nacho followed behind his friends, holding the lantern… and his breath. For him, this was the start of a new history for this world. They were about to go somewhere no one, as far as he knew, had ever gone before.

As they passed under the pulpy remnants of the Skullgainvillea, The Dinner Party found a number of red and blue t-shirts with embroidered ‘Costco’ logos scattered around the muck-smeared cavern floor. Reuben nodded toward the only remnants of the people that had been at work when the apocalypse had hit. “Poor Costco employees. They even died in bulk.”

They passed uneventfully through the corridor in the back of the cave and followed it down until they came to a part of the ground that began sloping downward, eventually forming a spiral large enough for even the Bove to traverse. At the bottom of the ramp, their lantern gleamed against metal set into the wall in a pattern too regular to be natural, but the surfaces were too filthy for them to make out what it was. They cautiously progressed through another hall and a variety of caves, not finding another monster. Unsurprising, since the Calamity-class monster had claimed this den for its own.

Once they were certain they weren't about to be ambushed, they continued to slog along a long hallway of rough-cut stone, half-submerged in stinking river mud and cow feces. At the end of the hall, two torches flickered on the wall, illuminating doors which seemed likely to be the official entrance to a dungeon. Only… the door panels didn’t look right. They weren’t medieval portals with ornate iron fittings. Instead, they were metal-framed glass panels slightly apart, with only darkness beyond.

“Wait… I recognize this,” Reuben whispered as he squinted at the smeared logo on the doors. “Could it be?”

Nacho slopped forward through the mud and squeezed through the gap in the glass doors, where a set of shelves had fallen over. He reached down and picked up one of the slightly crinkly bags that had fallen, holding it up to the light. “It’s… chips. Doritos, Fritos, Ruffles… Earth chips.”

“I was right. Look how big this place is…” Reuben was practically shaking with delight. “It all makes sense! The clothes, the way the System didn’t want us to find this… it’s a Costco!”

Nacho looked around the cavernous space and found the logo everywhere. It still took a minute for the reality to sink in. He was in a chip aisle, in a Costco, maybe a half-mile under the ground. He’d been that deep before, plenty of times… but not here. Only ever in System-generated dungeons.

“I don’t know what this means.” The cook turned and gestured around helplessly, even as Brie and Reuben wandered up to him with shining eyes.

“It’s simple, isn’t it?” Reuben laughed too hard to actually be finding this funny. “Toto, I’m pretty sure we are in Kansas!”

“What does this mean for us?” Brie took a more practical route. “If we’re not in another world, can we find a way to get access to our old technology? Weapons?”

Nacho couldn’t answer her. There was too much to process, and he… just wasn’t sure. “I guess all we can do is look at the facts? This is a Costco from our world. That means it was either transported here as well, or the Patrons somehow covered the Earth in an extra layer of rock, dirt, and monster junk.”

Something bellowed from deeper down the rows of dark shelves, and the Juxtaposition finally decided to chime in.

Greetings, Player!

Welcome to the Bove’s Lair Costco and Scary Shelves Dungeon! Looks like you’re the first players to find the UnderFun! You earn five thousand bonus credits! We’re keeping an eye on you, Eli 'Nacho' Naches, you and your Chips.

Note: Finding the UnderFun may or may not have triggered key game scenarios ahead of schedule. You’ll know eventually if your little discovery was good, bad, or ineffectual. Such discoveries add spice to life! We hope you savor the new experiences!

“Yeah…” Nacho backed up, heading toward the door. “We need to leave. If the Bove was just the door guard, what else is in here? Nothing that we can handle yet, that’s for sure.”

“Wait.” Reuben darted past him and scooped up an armful of chip bags. “Now we can go.”

They had only made it to the ramp when they heard a sound that made Nacho’s blood run cold.

*Moo~o!*

The Dinner Party turned slowly, trying to swallow their fear as they came face to face with a second Bove. Their weapons were out, and they were ready to flee… until it lumbered closer. Brie was the first to lower her hammer. “It’s just a cow? It’s small, maybe a yearling?”

“That thing is huge,” Nacho warned them, scraping his knives over each other to give them a sharper edge.

“It’s just a regular cow. Level one, Tier zero,” Reuben pointed out, having been the only one to take the time to actually check the creature. “C’mere, fella. You’ve been alone, haven’t you? Lonely?”

The beefy calf accepted getting a rope tied around its neck and placidly followed the group up the ramp and out of the cave, even though it tossed its head and balked a little before going out into sunlight for what appeared to be the first time in its life.

Nacho watched the creature closely for the entire eight hour trip back to Armor Mountain, but as far as he could tell, it really was just a standard cow. They were met with fanfare upon making it home, even though everyone seemed to be just as concerned with the cow as the cook originally had been when it was hoisted up the side of the sheer cliff with the help of a dozen pulleys.

The entire community lined Main Street as they led their prize down the road. Taye’s eyes were shining as he glanced between the gore-encrusted group and the young cow. “Did you really kill the Bove? Is this its calf?”

“It could be? We don't know for sure. Hold on.” Nacho nodded at the questioning glances of the other people. He raised his arm, and the hubbub died down. When it became possible, he shouted for everyone to hear, “The Bove is dead! We did it!”

The crowd roared in approval, and The Dinner Party stood a little taller as they soaked in the praise. Nacho took the rope and gestured at the cow. “Join us in a few hours for a feast!”

There was another outburst of applause, though Reuben pouted slightly. “Aww. I thought we’d have a pet.”

“No way to keep it without a farmer.” Nacho patted his sad friend’s arm. “It’ll turn into a second Bove if we leave it.”

The crowd was breaking up, going about their business, though Taye came for a closer look. “How did you do it? We lost against it with a dozen people and had to run for our lives.”

“Crave showed up and accidentally helped us.” Brie smirked as she remembered how the fight had ended. “Mostly by being cannon fodder.”

“Entirely by being cannon fodder,” Reuben corrected with a chuckle as he mimed someone panicking and flailing their arms. “'Ahh! How is The Dinner Party so amazing and we’re so bad at everything? Run away!'”

“What happened here while we were gone? The place is looking more put together.” Nacho’s trained eyes were taking in every change, including a rubble pile and a fresh set of mortared bricks. “How many have signed up for the guild?”

Young Bill walked closer at that moment, looking disgusted. “If you must know, we all signed up. Look at your charter, local-tyrant-in-the-making. By the way, I’m not a fan of being called ‘Young Bill’. It’s insulting. You can call me ‘Scrubz’ from now on if you want, since I gave in to the peer pressure like all these other scrubz.”

“Can do, Scrubz. Is that an upgrade, though? Insulting people, then adopting the name?” Nacho replied in a blasé tone. He turned his eyes from the disgruntled man to the Chips Stat Sheet. He was still new to it, but he managed to find the information he needed.

Chips Guild Stat Sheet

Total Guild Credits: 2576 + 1500 contribution from various sources

Total Number of Members: 189

Guild Leader: Eli 'Nacho' Naches

Sub-Guild Leader: Daniel Chronour

First Officer: Reuben Colby

Current Membership Roster: Daniel Chronour, Rebecca Chronour, Colleen Chronour, Taye Cunningham, Kristie Ford, Abigail James…

The names went on and on, but Nacho pointed out a startling discrepancy. “What’s this extra fifteen hundred credits?”

Mayor Dan patted both Brie and Nacho on the back. “To thank you, a bunch of us wanted the guild to give you something special. Specifically, we want Nacho to have his kitchen. We know it’ll be expensive, but you three saved us. Doesn’t hurt that your food is the only luxury we have in this place.”

Iron Becky nodded in agreement. “Nacho, cooking in the guildhall fireplace can’t be comfortable, but we’re not sure it’s all you need. It’s four hundred apiece for the stove and the oven, right?”

Nacho put her mind at ease with a shake of his head. “No, just two hundred each. Thank you-”

“You deserve that, and more,” the gray-haired woman interrupted warmly. “Keep the extra. Maybe go for broke and get an Epic version? We want you to have the best kitchen possible. Let’s go buy it and set it up right now.”

“Let me think about what will benefit us the most.” As the Guild Leader, Nacho wasn’t going to use a single credit more than he truly needed. Every speck of income counted when it came to their survival. But… he was going to grab the oven, the stove, and… maybe also set up counters and shelves?

“I think starting tonight is a great idea, but I’m going to need some privacy as I figure out my kitchen.” Nacho grabbed the mayor by the shoulder. “Can I talk to you really quick? I need your help with a… private matter.”

Brie looked suspicious, and Reuben reached out for his friend as though he were leaving forever. “Nacho, this is our moment of triumph! We should spend it together. What's going on? Hey! Get back here!”

“Oh, calm down, I'll be back in just a few minutes!” Nacho grumbled at his over-dramatic friend. “Listen, Dan, I'll need a couple hours to butcher this cow, gotta keep it alive as long as possible while I process it, but then can I get your help with…”

***

That evening at sunset, the smell of steak was wafting through the air and creating a mouthwatering aroma. Almost everyone was packed inside the guildhall, waiting for the cook to announce that dinner was ready. When Nacho entered the dining room with the sizzling portions, there was nearly a riot. Luckily, Mayor Dan rose to his feet and shouted everyone down. “Chips! Can I have your attention, please!”

He had the charisma to quiet down the entire crowd, even the Bills, young and old, who scowled at the mayor with sour expressions on their faces: they just wanted to eat in peace. Nacho wondered how much of a problem they were going to be, but then again, having a dissenting opinion drew healthy debate. When too many people agreed on every subject, they tended to form a cult; not a proper society.

Once the room hushed, Mayor Dan cleared his throat. “As everyone knows, we’re celebrating the end of the Bove! We also have to celebrate the start of the Chips Guild. We’ve made more on the dungeon dives in the past few days than we have in the almost two weeks we’ve been encamped on Armor Mountain. We have Nacho, Reuben, and Brie to thank for that. Stand up, you three!”

Nacho and his friends got together and waved. The room exploded with cheers and clapping—even the Bills and their contrary contingent applauded lightly. The mayor raised his hands, and silence slowly filled the area once more. “Now, many of you don’t know this, but Reuben and Brie were set to get married on the day the Juxtaposition started. Rumor has it… Brie still has the dress.”

“By the Patrons, we’re not doing this right now!” She clapped her hands over her bright red face and backed up as though a wave of monsters were closing in on her location.

“Oh, yes we are!” Nacho snickered as he eased away from the table.

Reuben gave Nacho a long look and rapidly deduced Nacho’s plan, bursting out with an exultant, “You planned this?”

“You know, a lot has changed in the last few weeks. Who knows if people still feel the same way they did at the start of all this…?” Nacho pointed at Brie, and Reuben’s eyes snapped over to her searchingly. “Maybe you should ask her again?”

Reuben took off his janky leather helmet and dropped to one knee without another second of hesitation. “My love, I know it’s the end of the world, and that the Juxtaposition might have some crazy rules for getting married… but I want to marry you, right here, right now. You still have the dress, and I’ve been carrying the tux. I’m pretty sure that Nacho and the mayor have located a minister for us.”

“They did indeed!” A man rose from the bench and waved. “I’m a certified Kansas wedding officiant, and I’m ready if you two are.”

“I will always marry you.” A glistening tear tracked down Brie’s face, and she stepped forward to pull Reuben to his feet. “Always and forever.”

In the end, Reuben cleaned up using the water in Nacho’s kitchen, while Brie ran off with Iron Becky to get dressed. The Healer gave himself a sponge bath out back, then put on the tux. Nacho helped with the tie, expertly tying a double Windsor knot that his friend would never be able to make himself.

Reuben grinned and pulled his friend into a hug. “Thanks for doing this, man. I appreciate it more than I can say.”

Nacho patted his friend’s face before pinching his cheek. “The Juxtaposition robbed you of your wedding. Let’s steal it right back.”

It was a quick ceremony, with Nacho and Reuben standing in front of everyone. Brie came in through the back door in her wedding dress with her hair fixed up, her makeup sparkling in the lantern light. She still held the Splatter Mallet, which somehow seemed to work with the wedding dress.

The classic vows were exchanged, in sickness and health, ‘til death do they part.

The ‘I dos’ were followed by a lingering kiss. Nacho watched that kiss with a full heart. He wasn’t sure if Kronos was on his side or not, but he’d been given a gift—not just in his understanding of the Juxtaposition, but in the glimpse of a life without his two best friends. It made being with them even more precious, because he knew what he was without them.

The dinner reception that followed was filled with laughter and cheers of celebration, and Nacho served the meal to everyone without asking for a single credit. The only option on the menu was fresh steak harvested from what Nacho could only assume was offspring of the Bove. He wasn't sure if it was just him, but he felt a deep sense of satisfaction at chowing down on the same type of creature that had haunted his nightmares for years.

The cook perked up as Reuben and Brie came over, finally ready to eat after dancing until the line was gone. Their eyes were sparkling, and the Berserker held out her plate. Nacho waved at the only food option, “For the bride and groom, may I recommend two choice cuts of Grilled Armageddon?”