Invent ~ 12!

Joe had finished with his defensive rituals, and was eagerly looking forward to testing them out. As they were his first try, and he had designed them to be Beginner rank, they were kind of… weak. For use in Svaltarheim, they were practically useless by themselves. Having realized this well in advance of making them, Joe had found a way to do something hilarious; making the rituals come up to a sufficient level of usefulness at the same time.

Ritual of the Exquisite Shell (Beginner) (Linked* x5): this ritual mimics the effects of potent arcane magic mixed with the divine. When activated, a ritual circle appears under the user, which will block all damage that is moving in or out of the circle. Total damage that can be blocked: 3,000.

Linked Ritual: This ritual is linked directly to another ritual. Upon expiration or destruction of the original ritual, the next link ritual will automatically activate.

Quest update: Beginner Ritualist II. Defensive rituals: 25/25. Offensive rituals: 0/25.

“I cannot believe I didn’t blow my head off after I managed to put five of them on each parchment scroll.” Joe muttered to himself as he looked over the vibrating scrolls, very carefully lifting them up and storing them away in his spatial ring; where they shouldn’t accidentally activate or get damaged. “This’ll give me a solid safety net against that trigger-happy assassin that’s been stalking me, at least. I can see why this is a class quest that everyone needs to do. Even at the Beginner rank, I managed to learn something new.”

He hadn't had the opportunity to make the offensive rituals yet, and he didn't think he was going to be able to make it happen right now. Keeping the parchment and rituals stable while he had been expanding them out into linked versions had been surprisingly taxing; even though it was absolutely worth learning that he could do so. Rubbing his tired eyes, he stepped out of his workshop with five new scrolls in his storage ring, ready to be used whenever he had an emergency. “Or I could give them out to someone that could activate them, I guess?”

The rituals were primed, but still required at least a basic understanding of how to use a magic item. The Ritualist stepped outside of his building, coming to a halt as he found himself face-to-face with Private Kettlebell, Pink Flamingo, and a seriously upset Major Cleave. She was smiling, showing all of her teeth under her extra-bushy mustache. “I don't suppose you forgot something important when you rushed into your office and slammed the door behind you? Perhaps someone that had to wait out here with these… absolutely delightful specimens of humanity?”

Thinking quickly, Joe shook his head somberly. “I am sorry, Major; I do not have more comfortable accommodations for you. However, I left you out here on purpose. I was attempting new ritual diagrams, and there was a good chance I was going to create a contained explosion in the building. I could not, in good conscience, allow you to be in there with me.”

Sweat trickled down his face as Joe waited to see if the Dwarf would buy that load of malarkey. There was no way that he could tell her that he had once again forgotten that she existed. Not trusting that he could be quiet enough, he simply kept his thoughts to himself, ‘Seriously, wallpaper in a building I've worked at for a decade keeps my attention more than she does’.

“I see…”

The Major went silent, her eyes narrowed in suspision as Kettlebell stepped forward. “Yo. I'm in this volcano because someone told me I could learn the magic, and if I'm going to do it, I'm gonna be in a totally rad volcano that could kill us all at any second. Really adds a sense of urgency, you know? You going to teach me, or what?”

“While I would love to help you… ‘learn the magics’…” Joe shook his head at that thought, then sobered up as the deadly shark eyes of the huge man locked on to his own. “Let me ask you something. Are you trying to learn magic because you want to learn it, or because you think that is the only option? I have to tell you, there are way better options if you’ve already started going down a purely physical build.”

There was a long pause as Kettlebell considered the question, surprising Joe by seeming to really think about it. Perhaps he had misjudged this mountain of muscles? “Nah, I'm only wanting to do it because my gal here said I should.”

“You should.” Pink Flamingo barked at him, turning to glare at Joe. “Why are you going out of your way to kill his dream like this? I'm going to make you pay for that. No one treats my man like this. He gets what he wants!”

“I mean... if this is what he wants, I'm sure you can find someone to teach him. I don't use standard magic all that much, I wouldn't even be a good teacher.” Joe threw his hands in the air helplessly. “Frankly, you both need to leave before I start blasting you into puppy kibble. Why do you think you can barge into my town, try to break your way into my building, order me around, then get mad at me? First of all, I’m a Major-General, and you’re a rank one Private. I could put you in prison for literally eight years every time you talk to me like this. It’s an option that appears every time-”

“How about you-” Pink Flamingo was stopped from cutting him off with a yelp as Major Cleave grabbed her by the hot pink boa and started dragging her out of the area. Since she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t yell at Kettlebell for help, and he hadn't even noticed her plight—his unblinking eyes never leaving Joe.

“Only way to get promoted is to do something these Dwarves can't. That means purely physical is out.” Kettlebell informed Joe with a strangely thoughtful tone. “Right now, I have only basic classes. I'm not going to leave you alone unless you either promote me so I can get out of the Legion, or give me something I can do here.”

“Just… fine. Why don’t you go find Jaxon?” Joe took a moment to describe the man, then tried to shoo the enormous bodybuilder of a human away so that he could test out his new rituals. After he described some of the things that Jaxon could do, Kettlebell seemed at least interested enough to blink once every eight seconds.

“Thanks, man. I won't make you regret helping me like this.” Kettlebell paused, looked around, and shook his head. “I won’t. But unless you go groveling to Pink Flamingo, you better watch your back. She really likes to claw people’s eyes out, then turn them around so her victim can watch themselves get sent to respawn.”

“Utterly terrifying.” Joe deadpanned as his stomach turned, moving away from the huge man and going off in search of an empty area where he could try out his new defensive parchments. Even though they were perfect, and would have been expensive if he hadn't just ‘eaten’ several buildings worth of material, the idea of going into combat without testing his weapons gave him cold sweats.

Making sure that he was alone, his personal Exquisite Shell was in place, and there was nothing in the area he might accidentally damage; Joe unrolled the first set of linked rituals and activated it…

Then there was darkness and pain.

Only when he checked his combat log, after opening blurry eyes and finding himself lying on a bed wrapped in bandages, was he able to learn what had happened after their activation.

You have empowered a damaged, unstable, magic item. Ritual is activating: Warped Ritual of Exquisite Shell (Linked x5).

Warped ritual is approaching critical instability!

Warped ritual has gone critical!

Linked ritual is activating: Warped Ritual of Exquisite Shell (Linked x5).

The messages went on like that for a while, so Joe ignored them and used Lay on Hands to rapidly bring his body to normal condition; happily bringing the spell up to Student four. Around a dry throat, he croaked, “Silver linings.”

When he was out of pain, Neutrality Aura was hydrating him, and Joe was able to think clearly, he tried to figure out where he had gone wrong. Yet, no matter what avenue he tried to walk his mind along, he could not find an answer. “When there is just no way for me to figure it out on my own, I have two options. I could ask Havoc, since I am supposed to be his Apprentice and all… I think?”

After pondering that conundrum for a long moment, Joe shook his no-longer-aching head and decided to go to where he knew he would get answers. Wiggling his bandaged fingers, he activated Query and sent a message to Occultatum, who was no longer being hit by the ban hammer for giving him freebies. “Tatum… what went wrong there?”

Query received! Minor answer allowed: Rituals aren’t spell scrolls. Don’t roll them up, you nitwit.

Skill increase: Query Novice III -> Novice VI.

Joe stared at the answer long enough that he stopped feeling like he should bash his head against the wall for a while. “Right. That makes… sense. Well, I guess now I have these nifty, um, traps?”

That brought up an entirely new realm of possibility, but the fact of the matter was: first, the defensive rituals that he had made would not be able to help keep him safe. He would need to make new ones so that he had a few proper protections. Second, his class quest had registered the linked rituals as complete, meaning that this method was viable… and he just needed to ensure that he had put them on a rigid structure or target before he tried to use them again.

Joe spoke aloud as he planned out what he would do as soon as he was out of this bed and the bandages that were keeping him tied down. “Straight back to the workshop, another try at making proper defensive rituals. When those work like they’re supposed to work, I’ll go straight into making offensive ones. All I need to do is get out of here… seriously, I’ve been here for how long and no one has come to check up on me? How do I get out of these bandages?”

*Ahem.* Major Cleave cleared her throat from the chair next to Joe’s bed—where she was reading a book—eliciting a muffled scream from him as he thrashed around in his bandages. She met his wild eyes with her resigned ones. “You know, Sir, I just don't think we’re ever going to be able to be good friends.”