Dokeshi March ~ 8!

The Vassal facing them was tall and skinny, and it appeared he was wearing stilts under his pants, bringing him up to easily nine feet tall. How the two of them hadn’t noticed his bright green hair poking up over the crowd was a mystery. The clear stone at the end of his short metal-banded wooden scepter produced a faint purple glow that seemed to pulse with his heartbeat.

The pace of the pulsing increased as Grant took a step forward to face him. The clown, and this one was certainly a clown, angled the scepter across his body, pointing it diagonally toward Grant and Suki. “You know, it’s lucky for you that I found you instead of Cuddles. He’s still searching the village where you caused a scene. I will be much gentler when I present you to the grand Dokeshi.”

“Ooh hoo hoo!” His eyes shot sideways and landed on Suki, and a tongue at least a full foot in length shot out of his mouth and slurped around the entirety of his mask. “Much gentler.”

“I will never serve someone that treats the people they are meant to protect with such… flippancy.” Grant wrapped a hand around the hilt of February Twenty Nine and stepped in front of Suki. If he was this creeped out, he didn’t want to know what was going through her mind. “I recommend you get out of our way before something bad happens to you. I would just hate to see a terrible consequence for someone such as yourself.”

<Ooh, good one. I could feel the sarcasm through my sheath,> Sarge chuckled in Grant’s head. <I like how you got in front of her, as if she can’t take care of herself. I suppose that’s love for you. Just remember, it’s magic when it’s good. When it’s bad, it just pees in your soup.>

“What-? I don’t-” Grant sputtered at Sarge, only to get cut off as Fluffy Fingers twirled his scepter in a mildly impressive display of martial prowess.

“How about… Let’s Make a Deal?” The clown danced back and forth on his stilts, looking for all the world like a painted scarecrow. “You walk away after swearing an oath that you’ll leave Dokeshi March alone. If you break that deal, you die.”

“I have a better idea, Fluffy.” Grant used his thumb to pop the first inch of his sword out of its sheath. “We fight, and if I lose, I swear your oath. If I win, I get to destroy your Wielded Weapon.”

“Ha! They call me a clown!” Fluffy tapped his staff to his head and chanted in a creepy high-pitched sing-song voice. “A deal is presented, a deal is made. The bargain’s struck, now your fate is made.”

A prompt popped up in Grant’s vision. It looked different from any he had seen before. The edges were frayed, reminiscent of the malfunctioning border wall that had warped the beasts in District February.

Congratulations! You have struck a deal with the famously fantastic, sarcastically spastic, bombastically gymnastic, never puffy or scruffy, Fluffy Fingers!

Details: Grant Friday (Monday) will either abandon any attempts at defeating Dokeshi March, or Destroy the Scepter of Fluffy Fingers.

Conditions: A Duel between the mighty Eighth Vassal of March First and the Wielder of February Twenty Nine will decide the outcome.

Note: This deal uses the daily allotment of one offered agreement per day. Vassal weapons do not have the inherent power to kill an oathbreaker—terms of the agreement will have to shift authority from Vassal to Wielder upon earliest convenience to fulfill the full scope of punitive actions.

<It looks like you stepped in it this time, Grant.> Sarge pulsed in anger. <If you can’t defeat this clown, your journey—and your life—end here. Never make a deal like this again… if you get out of here.>

“Don’t worry, I got this.” Grant unsheathed his sword, leaping forward with a perfect display of Iaijutsu that would have made any master proud. Between his movement speed and the reach of February Twenty Nine, his blade easily cleared the distance created by the stilts the clown was wearing. A moment before impact, Grant was frozen in place, the tip of his uchigatana drawing a drop of blood from the shaking laryngeal prominence on Fluffy Fingers’ neck.

Combat initiated—Duel

Action: Attack With Weapon.

Result: Duel format requires proper acknowledgment from both parties. Attack stopped. Turn surrendered due to improper actions.

Actions: Please select one option from the following list.

Attack: Lethal, Non-lethal, Spell.

Defend: With Weapon, Without Weapon.

Run: Attempt Escape.

“What?” Grant felt like he had pulled a muscle in his shoulder from such a sudden stop, and the confusion from the abrupt rule change in the system caused him to pause before selecting an action. It left him open, and Fluffy Fingers smashed him in the temple with the glowing crystal at the end of his scepter. Stars exploded across his vision, and a damage notification appeared in front of his dazed eyes.

Damage taken: 19 blunt (51 mitigated)

“Oh, hoh hoh hooo!” Fluffy Fingers screamed a laugh over his head as Grant dropped toward the ground. “That was a close one!”

<Adapt and overcome, Grant!> Sarge’s shout brought him back into focus, allowing him to quickly select ‘Attack: Spell.’ <That’s what I’m talking about! Remember your training!>

The sudden impact of Thundering Step on Fluffy Fingers bought Grant enough time to create some space between the two of them. The clown was almost hopping in place, a dome of brown-tinted lightning surrounding his colorful form.

Damage dealt: 40 lightning (80 * 2 turns. 60 * 2 magic damage mitigated!)

“That’s not right! My spell should have lasted for five seconds!” Grant’s indignation at the situation was another distraction, and he once again missed the chance to select his next action. The orb thrown by Fluffy Finger impacted against his breastplate, and a blinding smoke erupted in his face. “Bah! It burns!”

<Focus, Grant!> Sarge was interrupted by the giggles of Fluffy Fingers. <Quit acting like this is your first fight and get your head in the game! The system must have limited your spell somehow, but now isn’t the time to dwell on it. Teach that overblown sideshow a lesson!>

With a growl, Grant selected ‘Attack: Lethal’ and used his turn to leap forward and slam his uchigatana into the upraised scepter of his opponent. February Twenty Nine let out a grinding squeal as the two weapons slid along each other in a shower of sparks. As he jumped away from the failed strike, Grant noticed a small curl of wood coming off of the side of the scepter. His sword must have caught a bit of the Vassal’s weapon, peeling a strip off like a banana.

“It looks like I am already working on breaking your weapon, Fluffy!” Grant gave his sword a flourishing twirl, flaunting his aptitude. “Are you sure you don’t want to just give up now and save yourself the pain?”

His words did have some merit. While Grant only had puffy eyes from the gas used on him, the clown was looking a little frazzled from the lightning spell, and the end of his scepter was flickering after the damage it had received.

“Okay, kid.” Fluffy Fingers flicked his hand, and a throwing knife appeared between each of his digits. “I think it’s time to show you how I got my name.”

His arm whipped forward in a blur, and all thoughts of further taunting went the way of all natural greenery in the District: extinct. Grant was barely able to select ‘Defend: With Weapon’ in time to stop one of the knives. The other three impacted hard enough to knock him back a step.

Damage taken: 39 piercing (3 * 30. 51 mitigated.)

Health: 308/352

“Regent’s blade, that hurt! Wait, that counted as a single attack?” Somehow, the knives had all managed to find weak points in his leg armor, and the blood flowing down his calves felt hot against his suddenly clammy skin. “I can’t afford to take many more hits like that!”

<Then stop your trash-talking and destroy this fool!> Sarge threw another orange-tinted stone that struck him in the head. <You trained for this; now act like it!>

The shift in the tempo of the duel wasn’t a good one. Grant had used his turn to defend, so he had to weather a storm of knives and glass orbs filled with all kinds of various substances designed to distract and harm. All he could do was shift his focus toward defense, constantly selecting the ‘Defend: With Weapon’ option on reflex.

His health points steadily trickled away, but he fought through the pain and disorientation, finding within himself the skill that allowed him to deflect even the smallest of objects thrown his direction.

Each move became a part of a flowing dance, his uchigatana an extension of his will. The second shift in the fight came slowly, but Grant allowed the harmony of his movements to guide him. He went from deflecting one or two of Fluffy Fingers’ projectiles per turn, to executing a single movement that kept himself free of any damage.

“How!” Grant was broken out of his trance by the shouted exclamation of the clown. “I threw everything I had at you, and you’re still standing! Want a job? I have an opening-”

<I didn’t want to interrupt you there, but take a look around.> Grant did as Sarge ordered, discovering at the surprisingly large ring of objects lying around him. <You’ve been at this for nearly ten minutes.>

Grant checked his health and saw that it was still above two hundred points. The blood once again coating his body was all his, but it was time to change that. This turn, Grant selected ‘Attack: With Weapon’.

The uchigatana practically leapt from his hands as he took a deep lunge at the Vassal of Dokeshi March. The clown used his scepter to once again deflect the strike; however, the block wasn’t as clean as the last time their weapons had clashed. Grant’s sword was able to slide along the groove of the scepter shaft and diamond, allowing him to stab into the upper arm of Fluffy Fingers.

<Good! Don’t lose your focus. Strike while the iron is hot!> Sarge’s voice showed his excitement. He must have been very concerned about Grant losing. <He’s all out of tricks now. Time to use your Kenjutsu to its utmost!>

Taking action to words, Grant drove his uchigatana down the shaft of the scepter and almost took off the clown’s oversized nose. As the blood ratio on Grant’s armor changed in his favor, he jumped in place and planted his sword through Fluffy Fingers’s actual foot while using an elbow strike to his chest to push him backwards. The embedded sword sliced the foot in half, and the enemy Vassal screamed in pain.

“I yield! I yield!” Grant barely stopped himself from stomping on Fluffy’s throat with the heel of his boot. “Please, don’t kill me!”

Before he had to guess whether the clown was lying or not, the system confirmed his surrender.

Congratulations! Your new battle count moves from [2 Wins / 1 Losses] to [3 Wins / 1 Losses]. Remember, the lucky rise to the challenge!

<Get away from him! Move!> Grant pried his sword free from the blood-slicked cobblestones just as the scepter in Fluffy Fingers’ hand exploded with a massive blast of heat and light.

“Gah!” Grant was blown away, slamming to the ground flat on his back. The wind was knocked out of his lungs, and he couldn’t help but gasp like a fish on dry land. After a few moments, he managed to wheeze out a question. “What just happened? I thought I was supposed to have the chance to absorb his weapon’s power?”

<First off, no; he’s a Vassal, not a Wielder. Secondly, I think you have a concussion. It’ll heal soon.> Sarge switched his tone from consoling to commanding. <Get up off the ground and see how bad the damage is.>

Before he could comply, Suki appeared suddenly by his side. “Grant, that was one of the craziest fights I have ever seen!”

She leveraged him back to his feet, managing to somehow keep her clothes free from the blood and dirt he was covered in. “It took entirely too long for you to defeat him, but I guess forcing him to run out of things to throw at you is a good way to train yourself while fighting. Not sure if you noticed, but I think toward the end, he was down to flinging utensils at you.”

She pointed at a spoon to support her point.

“You… fools!” The groan that came from the prone form of the clown stopped Grant short of answering. “You have no idea what you have done!”

Suddenly, everyone that had been standing around on the street to watch the fight froze. Grant instantly understood why, because the screen they must have been reading popped up in front of his vision as well.

Warning: System failure. Agreement, Deal, and Oath enforcement has been halted. Please remain calm. A Vassal will be dispatched to your location to reinstate deals. Remember, events arou aaaa are aaaaa aatnearathen…

The edges of the screen blurred, then disappeared in a burst of static. The bystanders remained stationary for a moment, gaping at one another in amazement. Then, with shouts of joy, they collectively ran toward the market square in the distance. Shouts and screams soon followed, and plumes of smoke rose from several buildings.

<I think it would be best if we got off the street.> Sarge let loose a sigh inside Grant’s head. <If the Dokeshi’s system really did just go down, things are going to get bad. No gambling, no barrier-style protection. Oh… those rat monsters are gonna rampage through here like a swarm of locust in a wheat field.>