Desolation ~ Chapter 8!
Added 2018-07-27 10:50:31 +0000 UTCRemoved to be in compliance with Amazon terms of service.
Comments
Also, who else besides Xenocide is Tier 6 or above? Wracking my brain, but I don't remember anyone. (Unless that's including Dani... hm... I so feel like its cheating for her to be all the way at mage ranks, lol, but I guess she is really just and extension of Cal.)
Monica Alexander
2018-08-31 04:49:23 +0000 UTCI may be tired, but I'm getting a little lost at this point: " I had almost enough space converted to make a new floor, but I was holding off until I could think of a good theme for this floor. I could continue with the Tower of Ascension theme, but what I had between the sixth and seventh floor currently listed out options all the way to the fifth tier. I had originally had all of them on one, but that had been too crowded for me to really enjoy watching the battles. Now the platforms were larger, and I was able to fit a changing roster of options onto each floor. I had only seen two beings besides myself that were in those tiers, hinting at the fact that most people couldn’t get past that point. It made a certain kind of sense. As I had climbed the tower, the concepts became more abstract and powerful. At a certain point, a fleshy brain wouldn’t be able to turn away from the deepest desires of their mind, and would suddenly wake up bound to a Law. I would bet money - if it had any value to me - that most people who got to those tiers blocked out the memories of the other things they had seen. Heck, I wanted to block out a few of them. Madness had been so… " - First, the first paragraph is just the last part of that paragraph which starts Cal running away from Dani. I'd totes recommend breaking to two paragraphs for reals because the paragraph jumps from conversation with Dani to contemplation of new floor structure. You go from top to bottom and you're all like, how did we get here... - Next paragraph starting "I had only seen two beings besides myself that were in those tiers" - not clear what "those tiers" refers to. From context, he's referring to 6th tier and above, but not clear from text. - Same thing with start of third paragraph - which are "Those tiers"? - Also, do floors 6-7 contain Tiers 1-5 inclusive of 5? I think it is probably safe to assume inclusive, but for some reason I'm feeling unsure.
Monica Alexander
2018-08-31 04:41:25 +0000 UTC"I briefly glanced upward, looking over the first few levels and smiling at the huge amount of fighters that were moving around the area." < 'huge number' maybe? amount tends to be more appropriate for something that can't be counted like "Huge amount of screaming."...
Monica Alexander
2018-08-30 20:05:03 +0000 UTCSir bearington's curse's origin story ? XD
H.P.L
2018-08-26 23:07:29 +0000 UTCAh, domestic bliss and turning around to make a den and escape the waspish wisp of the house. Now he's building a cigar smoking den for him and the mages...I really want to be like Cal in my next life. I don't think I could...bear...it otherwise.
Justin Pieratt
2018-08-01 15:27:22 +0000 UTCI hear you guys! I'll fix it up
Dakota Krout
2018-07-30 12:12:46 +0000 UTC"Not being able to see your path was surely frustrating, to the point that they nearly stepped on the path and started walking." I'm having trouble reading this sentence. If they were in motion, then they were already walking. However they could not see where they were going, so why were they in motion? [Since "to step on" makes me think they were standing still.] Halp. "bears, and bear jokes." -Note on the wall- This next room is a puzzle. To Proceed, you must "Hug the Fluffiest one." I can just hear the adventurers screaming about bearhugs. "second highest tier in the Tower of Ascension. Even a spark of it was more potent than a river of tier one mana." I've been wondering about this for MONTHS. Yay confirmation <3 "Dani flashed red. “Excuse me? " RUN. CAL. RUNNNNNNNNNN Come back with chocolate. "‘kay? Love, love! Bye!>" I had to read this, and then read it Again in American to understand the first love is an exclamation, and the second love is the target to which it is being said. "that most people who got to those tiers blocked out the memories of the other things they had seen." Interesting. I would do the opposite? Holding on to your greatest pain, regret, and most core desire is an excellent guide post to a specific end goal. Although. Painful. -A node whispers: I can ease your suffering- "No. I don't want my suffering eased. I do this for her, and all who could be her. Get out of my way. All of you. Get out of my way. My regrets are my guide. You're all insufficient. MOVE." If the mind was slipping, carve out your core values in as few words as you can manage. If needs must, have just the -one- that you can repeat over and over, and if the node you bump into doesn't satisfy that value. "no" it with whatever breath you have left and move on. [Sorry about that. I got a little Into it there.] ^^;; Foolhearted hopefuls though? Yes. Yes I can see that. Tier 1 stumblers just happy to hit Mage rank. "a pool! " Whelp. If a pool is included. I know of someone that may need to acquire more pillows for the getaway spot. <3
Dennis Vanderkerken
2018-07-27 15:48:11 +0000 UTCI think it needs a bit of a rework as well. Especially as they were the main focus of the last chapter. It feels rushed and without a decent conclusion. Loved the rest of this chapter though. I enjoy when Cal creates utility floors. :D
Dax
2018-07-27 14:20:09 +0000 UTCFirst paragraph is a bit confusing for me. I can’t actually tell what it’s meant to mean. They couldn’t see their path but they almost stepped on it?
Leaf
2018-07-27 12:25:47 +0000 UTCWhere do I sign up for a room at the, Cal's Getaway Rest and Relaxation Resort? I'd like 3 days please.
IhasaBangBang
2018-07-27 11:49:13 +0000 UTC
