CC2 Prologue!
Added 2018-03-21 15:47:50 +0000 UTCRemoved to be in compliance with Amazon terms of service.
Comments
Thank you!! This is the unedited version, so that helps a lot!! Many thanks.
Dakota Krout
2018-04-18 16:31:22 +0000 UTCOooh, I love it! I'm so looking forward to the release. :) I don't know if you're interested in typos/missing words at this stage, plus I'm not a native speaker so I may be wrong, but these are things I stumbled on: "but the fact that [they] did move around from time to time" "The possibility of an abuse of power make[s] me hesitant" I added in square brackets what I think would be correct.
Kai Kuchenbecker
2018-04-18 15:59:18 +0000 UTC"The Queen shifted on her seat." Might work better. I'm definitely drooling right now though!
Justin Pieratt
2018-03-31 15:28:49 +0000 UTCThe Monarchs remained *still* on their thrones, moving very little and giving credence to *the legend of* their statuesque forms.
Justin Pieratt
2018-03-31 15:26:43 +0000 UTCReally good cal on that one!
Dakota Krout
2018-03-21 19:26:53 +0000 UTCLove it! However I do not love this paragraph "The Monarchs remained unmoved on their thrones, moving very little and giving credence to their statuesque forms. No one still living had seen beneath their metal exteriors, but the fact that they moved around from time to time belied the rumors that they were simply effigies." You say they aren't moving, they move very little, and then that their movements are the only way to see they aren't really statues. I would either use more words to explain this better, or fewer words and not explain so much in a couple sentences. I'm pretty sure I know what you are trying to say, but as it is now it sounds wrong somehow.
Amber Dehn
2018-03-21 19:21:48 +0000 UTCI think you are correct, as it is a title. Thanks!
Dakota Krout
2018-03-21 16:56:06 +0000 UTCI have two comments, one really more of a question since there is a reason I'm an engineer and not a writer. In the last sentence, should general be capitalized? Also in the last sentence, I'm guessing "The General looked and his apprentice" should be "The General looked at his apprentice"
Bsoxmk2
2018-03-21 16:54:45 +0000 UTCYay! Things to read today!
Amber Dehn
2018-03-21 16:02:47 +0000 UTC
