Update

I apologize for my absence.

If you saw my best friends’ post online you know why I was MIA.

I don’t have the capacity to divulge it all because it’s hard to even breath thinking about it but I lost the person that meant the most in this world to me.

I am no stranger to loss.

So many people in my family have passed in recent years but nothing prepared me for my everything, my world, my daddy passing.

He was my father, my mother, my best friend.

My daddy who broke into the hospital to see me after I was born.

My daddy who gave everything to be my dad.

I grew up with a severely abusive mother who tried to unalive me multiple times and my dad would find me and rush me to the ER until one day we could finally legally get away from her.

We went through unimaginable things together but we always had each other.

We had no family in Germany with my dad being an immigrant & no one in my moms family wanting anything to do with her except my Oma (grandmother) who lived 5 hours away and initially tried to help my dad raise me but she also passed.

My daddy was golden.

Everyone loved him to pieces.

He had 7 best friends & yes he was the best man at 9 weddings that I’m aware of but probably more knowing him & it’s hard to keep track of the absolute army of friends he had.

He was an incredibly talented trombone player & played in a world renowned symphony orchestra in Germany and had multiple jazz bands and he toured Europe and America with different music productions.

He built our house in Germany with the help of my grandfather who was an architect who has of course also passed.

He was the best chef. I don’t care how good a restaurant food is, my daddy’s cooking is always best.

There’s a pizza named after him in my hometown.

He was the most integres, kind, funny, talented, strong and loving person I’ve ever met.

I know his energy is dancing somewhere with his little sister, my auntie D, my Sirius.

I know they are wrapped in their mothers’ and dads’ arms and I know Badu is running laps around them.

If you’re in the shittiest club of having lost your soul person. I’m wrapping my arms so tightly around you. There are no words.

I will never be ok. I am forever altered.

My world is now grey, my daddy took all the color and sparkle to wherever he is & I will find them in the next lifetime when I get to see my daddy again. My everything.