ajandmagnus

Q&A: Any Advice for an Instant Family?

Added 2019-11-23 18:41:56 +0000 UTC

Great work Simon and Bryan thank you. I hope you're still doing the Q & A. It looks like me and my partner are going to be taking in his 13 year old niece. She's currently living with her grandparents who aren't doing a very good job with her. I was wondering if you two had any advice for us as parents of an "instant family?" Hugs.

Parenting advice can be hard because no two adult/child relationships are ever the same. But I'll share my personal experience and thoughts on how we parent and hopefully some of it relates to you.

I think the most important part of being a good parent is to understand any child is actually an adult in training. The reason I think of things this way is to emphasise they're constantly learning and you're constantly teaching, whether you realize it or not. How you express love, how you handle conflict, the way you react to stress, all of that is what they'll pick up on as they develop. To me it's very important to understand an adult in training is figuring out who they are and there's going to be a lot of mistakes during that time. While our natural instinct is to get angry or frustrated, the truth is talking to them and showing compassion builds trust that they'll feel more comfortable about talking to you when they make mistakes. That being said, that won't happen overnight and it'll probably take many times of repeating until they respond.

I also think it's important to understand you don't want to put expectations on them. While it's important we guide them to develop a strong moral compass and be a generally good person, it's equally important we understand how they choose to do that won't always be in line with how we'd do it ourselves. It's important to listen to them as well as provide structure. Remember, there's nothing wrong with an adult learning from an adult in training even though it will feel odd the first time it happens.

I could honestly go on all day with advice but truthfully I think if you just remind yourself respect goes both ways and make sure you're trying your best to communicate honestly, you'll do just fine. I hope I helped.