ajandmagnus

Q&A: Can Y'all Share Wisdom on Becoming Two Dads?

Added 2019-11-08 18:24:55 +0000 UTC

Howdy Y'all! My husband and I are planning to become dads within the next year or so. Can y'all share any experiences and wisdom on that transition from become a married couple to become two dads?

Best, David Brooks

Hey David!

First up, congrats on making the decision to become parents. It's horrifying, intimidating, unnerving, and one of the best experiences you can have in life. As for advice and experiences, boy I could turn this reply into a book here but I'll do my best to keep it to the most important points.

First, have no expectations for your kid. What I mean is, despite being your kid, there's a good chance they'll turn out nothing like you or completely like you or somewhere in between. The thing is don't kid yourself into thinking them doing anything differently from you is inherently bad if it's just different. Honestly, that's advice from experiences. It took time to realize our son (technically our nephew but we're raising him as our son) does have different ways of approaching things and my gut instinct was to "correct" him to the way I think or do things but what I've learned is I just need to encourage whatever approach he's taking so he learns for himself.

I think as parents if we all accept and realize our kids are adults in training we'd take a different approach to how we interact with and raise them. So many parents (in my family especially) it was all about controlling and punishing the kids into behaving. The reality is if you remind yourself however you treat your children is how they're going to treat theirs, you really do give a second thought to what you're doing and that is truly a gift.

Lastly, just love em. Even when they're wrong and make mistakes. Even when you wanna strangle them because of all the eye rolling attitude, especially then, just give them a hug. Almost everything I learned about parenting was by doing the opposite of how I was raised and while it's still by no means easy, we're doing pretty darn well and we encourage healthy behaviors, even if it seems uncomfortable at the time. Practice makes better and that's all we can do; try for better <3