BELATED REGRET - PART 2

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Part 2: Letting Go

“Ting.” The damn notification sound of the phone rang in Tanner’s ear again, like a smoldering flame neither too fierce nor able to be extinguished. Without looking he already knew who the sender of the message was. For the past three years, he had lost contact with almost everyone. Having no parents to begin with, he used to have only one close friend and a few schoolmates, but since getting married, wanting to focus on taking care of his wife and helping her start a business, he had proactively severed all contact.

His work connections also went only through a separate channel. All the phone numbers in his mobile now belonged to his wife, and… Duke. A few days ago, this person had texted to introduce himself, thanking him for having taken care of Tiana these past three years. Tanner thought to himself, Duke’s tone was rather polite—could it be that he had blamed him wrongly?

But reality quickly turned into a giant hand striking Tanner across the face with invisible slaps more painful than having his insides torn apart. In the messages that followed, Duke kept sending him intimate photos with Tiana—hand-holding, leaning on each other’s shoulders, and gradually, more sensitive images.

He had added Duke’s contact only a few days ago, yet the number of painful messages he had received had already reached the hundreds. Sitting alone in the dark corner of the cold house, he asked Tiana—of course, only the Tiana in his imagination—“If you still loved him like that, why did you accept my confession? Why did you accept my proposal? Why accept my kindness? Why? Why didn’t you outright reject me if from the start you already saw me as a persistent hanger-on? Why didn’t you drive me away when I approached you at your weakest? Why didn’t you abandon me the moment you had the chance? And… why did you deceive me at all?”

The phone screen was displaying a photo of Tiana beaming brightly, nestled into Duke’s chest. The picture was taken from a top-down angle, creating the illusion that Tanner himself was the one being held by her. But an illusion, in the end, was still an illusion. You know very well who the one beside her is, Tanner!

Next there was even a video of an intimate scene between Tiana and Duke from the angle of a wall-mounted camera. Damnably, they did not even bother to turn off the lights while at it. At the very least, give him the illusion that the woman in that video was not her! For the past three years, though they were husband and wife, she had never once allowed him to do that with her.

Another thing that left him deathly numb was that the date recorded on the camera was the anniversary of Tanner and Tiana’s wedding. While he was dreaming of a perfect celebration, she was entwined with the man who had abandoned her years ago to go abroad.

What was he supposed to do? Love could be an elixir that healed the soul, but once you’d grown used to overdosing on it, losing it would become unbearable. While he was curled up in a corner of the house, Tiana came home. She turned on the light. Seeing him sit still like a statue, she frowned and raised her voice, “You’re home, so why didn’t you turn the lights on? Outsiders looking in would think this is some abandoned house where the owner’s dead!”

On any other day, he would surely have rushed to the door to welcome her home, even when she was always cold to him, even when… those messages had already arrived. But no glass has infinite space; pour water long enough and it will fill. Tanner’s inner world was all but collapsing. He replied like a soulless machine, “You’re back. I’ve already prepared the meal. Today I’m tired, I don’t want to eat.”

Tiana showed no reaction; she already saw this as something naturally required of him, a duty of a “servant.” The very next moment, she got a call from a friend and answered it. Her group of friends had invited her to a drinking party at a bar. Once she hung up, she said to him, “I’m not eating anymore. I’ve made plans with my girlfriends. You eat by yourself!”

After speaking, she turned and walked away. Tanner still bowed his head in silence. “Girlfriends,” huh? Why didn’t she just say straight out “Duke and the girlfriends.” If she didn’t love him and wanted to be with Duke like that, what was the point of lying to him anymore?

Tanner stayed silent like that for a long while, until the phone rang noisily. It wasn’t a message this time, but a call. The name displayed on the screen was Duke. He pressed the button to answer and turned on the speaker. No one spoke; there was only a jumble of loud background noise. Suddenly, a girl’s voice came through, “Tiana! You and Duke are a perfect match. You two have been a couple since university. Why not boldly be together?”

“Hey, I’m a married woman, you know. Don’t say that!” It was Tiana’s voice, unmistakably. Tanner forced a strained smile. So she did know that she had a husband.

“But you never loved Tanner in the first place. Why not decisively divorce him?”

“My business, I have my own way to handle it…” At that point, Tiana’s voice was cut off, replaced for a while by the sound of kissing.

Another friend spoke up, “You two are being this affectionate, and yet you still say you’re ‘married.’ So if Duke hadn’t gone abroad back then, who would you have chosen?”

Unexpectedly, such an easy question brought a few seconds of silence. Tiana hesitated for a moment before laughing and replying, “Of course I would have married Duke. Tanner is just a useless cling-on who latched onto me when I was in my deepest sorrow. If I could choose again, I would never have accepted his proposal.”

“Splash…” Oh, it seemed the water had already overflowed from the glass, spreading across the floor. There was not a last drop left—this shock had utterly killed Tanner’s heart. Yes, this love had been a mistake from the very beginning. Why had he stubbornly pursued someone who had never loved him?

The neon lights from the narrow street outside streamed through the window, shining on the wedding photo of Tanner and Tiana hanging on the wall. The light brushed across his face. His eyes were red—was it because the light itself was tinged red? When the light slid elsewhere, everything around him went pitch-black. The color of an abyss, the color of despair.

At that moment, his heart seemed to have cleared. He stood up, went to the desk, drafted a divorce agreement, signed it, and set it on the table. At that very same moment, at the drinking party, Tiana suddenly felt a sharp pain in her heart, a sense of loss rushing in. She didn’t know what this feeling was and had no time to care, because right after that Duke had pushed her down onto the sofa.

At home, Tanner packed all his belongings—clothes, laptop, books, and so on—into a small suitcase, very small because he never had much. His wardrobe was now completely empty, leaving only the white dress he had given her last time, the thing she regarded as discardable. But after all, it still belonged to her, so he would leave it, letting her decide. He had given Tiana too many chances, but she had answered with disgust and betrayal.

Tanner tore up every photo that had him in it. Even the wedding picture, he ripped in half. It was no longer necessary; soon that spot would be replaced by another photo anyway, one where the bride would smile even more happily. Carrying everything to the backyard, he poured gasoline and struck a match. The flames roared up, burning away all the memories filled only with suffering. Tanner watched the fire, tears falling. He admitted to himself that he had always been this weak. But at this moment, he would be strong enough to let go—his mind was made up. He could not live forever in misery. This departure would be better for them both.

Before leaving, he placed the divorce papers on the table along with a note: “Tiana, perhaps you’re tired of hearing these words already—I love you very much. But… now I will let go. I’m exhausted. I wish you happiness with your choice.” He pulled his suitcase and stepped out of the house into the dark night without looking back. After walking a distance, as if something occurred to him, Tanner threw the phone—with its mere two contacts—into the nearby river. That was the last time he would remain in this neighborhood.

Near five in the morning, Tiana finally returned home, hair disheveled, reeking of alcohol and men’s cologne. She had just spent a wild night with Duke right at the bar. She felt a headache, discomfort, but thought to herself it was fine. There would always be a bowl of hangover soup Tanner had cooked waiting for her on the kitchen table. He always did that whenever she went drinking. That soup was very effective because by the next day she could be clear-headed enough to work.

Stepping into the house, she sensed a strange silence. More precisely, even before going to the party, she had already noticed something different about Tanner today, but she hadn’t cared. Collapsing onto the sofa, she called out loudly, “Husband! Bring me the hangover soup!” But oddly, she waited a long while and still didn’t hear her husband respond. Normally, even if he were fast asleep, no matter how late it was, he would always come greet her whenever she came home.

She staggered into the kitchen—there was no hangover soup at all. Tiana grew irritated, inwardly blaming the useless husband who could forget even this one task. But right after, she immediately noticed something was wrong. Why was the house so empty like this? Tanner didn’t have many belongings, but if so many of his things were missing at once, anyone would notice right away.

She didn’t understand why a sense of panic rose in her chest. She ran to the bedroom and saw it even emptier than the living room. Most strikingly, the wedding photo hanging on the wall had been torn in half. She rushed to the wardrobe, opened it, and all of Tanner’s clothes had vanished, leaving behind only a solitary white dress.

Tiana felt almost sober. Once more she panicked and ran to Tanner’s desk, but everything was gone, leaving only a letter and a… she looked closely… a divorce agreement! She flipped to the last page and saw he had already signed his name there. She opened the letter and read it through. At that moment, Tiana felt uneasy, but she did not want to admit it. She angrily tore the divorce papers to shreds, reassuring herself, “He’s useless. He loved me so much—by morning he’ll come crawling back on his own.” But she was forcing herself to ignore the terrifying intuition in her mind: Tanner would never return again…

To Be Continue...