Collateral 4.a: Delusive Lacuna
Added 2018-01-17 04:24:16 +0000 UTCLike I said: when it rains...
My editor has apparently been rather busy, the last few days, on top of his computer troubles. We just sped through the editing of this chapter in the few minutes he could spare.
Anyway. It got delayed way too much, but here's Delusive Lacuna, interlude 4.a.
For some reason, getting into the head of a bullied fifteen-year-old girl is easy. Getting into the head of a twelve-year-old girl is hard.
Yes, this interlude is Vista's.
Comments
Might I suggest you save this interlud e for later? I think revealing Vista as an antagonist after some build up would be much better, and avoid angering people who object to a new villain so soon. You can even make the audience think it's Cauldron, since Vista's manipulation of space can seem like omnipresence.
Peter Christensen-Calvin
2018-01-19 05:12:31 +0000 UTCVista, no. Sthap, Vista. Wat r u doing.
Reinhold Wuerzner
2018-01-18 10:15:26 +0000 UTCThe situation with Vista does come off as a little too contrived, but, frankly, everybody has different standards for what is too contrived, so it doesn't really bother me. Frankly, everything in fiction is contrived. It's just a matter of how well you sell it. Some people are definitely going to be annoyed, though. And, to be fair, the misunderstanding conflict can be a bit of an overused cliche. If you think it'll cause trouble with your free readers I don't think it'd be a problem delaying the public release of this. The surprise might soften the blow.
Lookshy
2018-01-17 20:18:20 +0000 UTCOh boy, that can only end well. I'm intrigued to see who she will go to, and how far, to "avenge" Sophia.
Laureline David
2018-01-17 14:36:52 +0000 UTCI am inclined to agree with this, especially in terms of point #1 – consider all of the complaining that occurred on SV while the battle was still unfolding, followed by the near-universal compliments after it completed and was wrapped up. Inserting this interlude, so soon after that figurative "happy ending", would undoubtedly cause accusations of you inserting conflict just for the sake of conflict.
Benjamin Lawton
2018-01-17 14:18:35 +0000 UTCAs I have a bias against this specific basis for conflict in stories you may take the following with a grain of salt: 1) this particular interlude may be following too closely on the heels of the resolution of the last conflict. To me, it denies the release in tension that the last chapter could've provided and removes the opportunity to build up and foreshadow this coming conflict/gut-punch in favour of blatant telling. you may want to consider pushing back the release of this interlude until we're nearer the point Missy's actions become noticeable from Taylors POV. 2) As they are now the gaps in Vistas eavesdropping feel contrived, though some of this may be me being thrown by my aforementioned distaste.
Shawn Whyte
2018-01-17 12:14:29 +0000 UTCWell... shit. That was a gutpunch of an interlude.
Gerand Rague
2018-01-17 07:07:19 +0000 UTC...Crazy thought, just now: Installing Artoria again, and then (temporarily) implanting Avalon into Emily.
Benjamin Lawton
2018-01-17 05:06:13 +0000 UTCOh, Jeezus Effing Christ, Vista. And you actually have the brass balls to bitch about your "peers" treating you like an idiot kid, rather than a seasoned veteran? After you go and pull such an asinine rookie mistake as THAT?!
Benjamin Lawton
2018-01-17 05:03:44 +0000 UTCOh Missy. No pegasus ride for you with Medusa in future. That is also interesting plot you have there. Piggot is probably going to start drinking after that, kidney problems be damned.
Sami Hautamäki
2018-01-17 04:52:07 +0000 UTC
