Atsuko DxD Adventures 16

Full Title: Why the Heck was I Reincarnated in DxD without a Cheat Power!?

---

The two wayward girls were brought to the Occult Research Club building, and were standing before Rias and the rest of her Peerage, like naughty kids before a teacher. 

Koneko was sitting on the couch looking bored, only taking one look at Aika and shaking her head. Kiba was giving Aika and sympathetic look, before looking away and chuckling in exasperation, at the perverted look she gave him. 

Issei and Atsuko were looking disapprovingly at one another. 

"Tattletale." She mouthed at him. 

"Brat." He mouthed back. 

Akeno coughed to bring attention back to Rias. 

"Okay, Aika, please tell me everything Atsuko told you, word for word even, about the supernatural world, just in case she...misinformed you." Rias said with a smile, that hid her immense worry, as she leaned on her desk, and interlinked her fingers.

Thinking about it, of course Atsuko and Aika were friends. How did she not see it before?!

Akeno standing behind her, would usually be attributed to her taking up her role as her Queen, but Rias knows, it's because Akeno didn't want Rias to see her break her 'queenly' image when the inevitable Atsuko shenanigans happened.

Aika looked toward Atsuko for encouragement, as naturally she would be nervous among Devils she didn't know. Atsuko just gave her friend a thumbs up, which while reassuring to Aika, was wasn't reassuring to Rias.

"Well, from what Atsuko explained," Aika began. "Long ago the supernatural world was in peace and harmony, expect it was not, because humanity was getting fucked ever which way, be it by magical creatures, or gods, both literally and figuratively, and then one god stood above all, called Big G and his posse of the winged prude people who were like 'humanity are my peeps, so fuck off about them'." Rias leaned back into her chair, and rested her head in her hand. "Senpai?" Aika asked concerned.

"It's...it's fine. Continue." Rias waved her off. She could hear Akeno biting on her lips to keep from guffawing.

Issei snorted and covered it up with coughs. Kiba and Koneko's lips twitched but they held onto their usual expression. 

"And while Big G and the Angels," Aika continued.

Please stop calling Him, Big G. And why is she making them sound like a band? Rias wondered.

"Were rocking about enlightening mankind to their music of not being douches, other factions within the Holy Choir wanted to go off on their own, due to disagreement in music preference. That was the start of the Slutty Fallen Angels, who were all about experimentation and BDSM, except for one Fallen, Lucifer, who was the Mega Slut, who took the First Woman Lilith, out of wedlock mind you, and they had vigorous sex outside of the missionary position, under the covers."

Thud.

Rias' head dropped on on her desk, half exasperated, and half wanting to laugh at how absurd Atsuko's explanation to Aika was, but needing to keep an image.

It was technically correct, which is...probably all Atsuko was going for. She glanced behind her to see Akeno covering her mouth and looking away, laughter in her eyes.

"Continue." Rias said when Aika paused.

"Right, um and then--Oh! So after that came the Goth Kids." Thud. "Who were all about that rock and roll, which Big G really opposed saying unlike classical music, it was just noise and 'Devil music', which is how the Devil race got their name."

"Sure. That's where it came from." Rias sat back, and just stared at the unashamed Atsuko with a playful smile that promised payback in some way.

"And so the three factions got on in a War of the Bands, making a world wide concert, and had everyone attending and paying for the tickets, even if they didn't want to listen. Payment was of course with their lives, since money was invented yet, and after it wasn't invented, they kept going with the murders since it's tradition, and 'they didn't want to ruin a good thing with change'."

"Ah yes, the tradition of murder. Of course." Rias nodded, just giving up, and deciding to listen to this chaos till the end. Akeno went to lean on a wall away, while struggling not to interrupt by laughing.

Koneko struggled to keep her stoic look. Kiba looked away, covering his mouth with his hand, and Issei was just openly chuckling, but desperately trying to keep it down.

"After a while the Slutty Fallen were like 'yo, we're all about sex and fetishes, but this is way too much gore', and dropped out. Then Big G beat the Great 4 DKs with a sick piano solo, and peaced out to smoke a cigarette after that massive finish ever since."

Akeno broke down and laughed. That opened the flood gates.

Koneko brought up a couch pillow to bury her face in it, to muffle her laughs, while her feet kick in the air. Kiba just openly laughed, as Issei bent down, hands on his knees to keep from falling.

"The war was effectively over at that point, since Big G and the Angels were T-Posing their way victory. Unfortunately that gave them massive back pain, that they had to hide to keep their record label going. Over in the Underworld, the Goth Devils were face a new problem in that they wanted to practice their songs, and prepare another War of the Bands, but discovered to their shock, that their newer generation were into punk rock, and nearly made the Berserk manga mainstream in Hell over it.

"And so you had the Goth Devils and the Punk Rock Devils fighting over, if they want to go have their Vietnam with Heaven, and one of the Devils they tried to force on their side, was the unknown sensation, Sirzechs Gremory, who wanted to sign up and get a record label, which just made the Old Devils REEEEE and call him a sellout. 

"So Sirzechs, pulled a pro gamer move by dunking on the Old Devils with his sick albums so hard, he stole their music industry all together. So your brother, a vocaloid that gained sentience, Devil Elon Musk, and an office worker they found somewhere, who just wanted to do the minimum amount of paperwork, became the new G-4-DKs."

At this point even Rias was joining in on the laughing mood, wondering how she can punish Atsuko for whatever mischief she caused Sona, while trying to keep a firm authoritative image.

"Now however, the Devils had a newer, newer problem with birth control. In that their bodies naturally came with one, and they didn't know how to fuck each other hard enough to have babies. So Devil Elon Muck used his autism magic to make Devil Transition Magic Items, that change people into Devils, just without the surgery, and that way, they can adopt any one into their race, other than Gods or Buddhas. Gods, because they were just too THICC they would crush the operation table. And Buddhas, they were too chillaxed for sex." Aika took a deep breath. "And that's about it, did I miss anything?"

===x===

AN: This chapter was inspired by Max0r's Inaccurate Summaries.