Let Justice Be Done Ch. 51

He was walking on a bridge at night.

Stars were bright and visible, the sky was slowly growing brighter as day approached. 

There was someone on the bridge. A small figure. 

He felt fear, his heart began to beat faster. 

The sun was coming up the horizon. He saw the person's, the boy's face clearly in the morning light.

He saw himself. He saw Raguel.

He looked down at his hands, and they were large, pudgy, old and wrinkled.

He saw Raguel/Himself looking toward him with kindness and concern.

He wanted to run, to get away. Raguel/Himself extended a hand in worry. His heartbeat was thundering in his heating ears.

Raguel ended the dream right then and there.

===x===

Raguel opened his eyes, sat up and began taking deep breaths to steady his heartbeat, and focus on calming down.

"Is it the same nightmare again?"

He looked to his side to see Viviane was already up, looking at him in concern as they sat side by side on their bed. 

It had been a week since Raguel woke up healed in Heaven, and that Battle of Orkney was considered over for him. Since then he had celebrated with his siblings, and left with his wife for their new life of married bliss. At least for a while. 

Eventually, Raguel would be called back to take up his role in the Great War once more. For this little while though, he can at least have peace with his wife on their honeymoon. 

At least that was the plan, before Viviane and Raguel realized they just want to lazy around and do nothing for a while, as all the fighting had drained the energy out of them. 

Thus for the past few days, they would just sit around, enjoy each other's company, food or books. 

Viviane tried to take Raguel out to explore more of the Fae Realm. They headed to the Island of Annwn, but within the hour of arriving there, dryads began talking with Raguel left and right. 

Their talk began to turn to flirting, to hinting outright more, and immediately Viviane took her husband, left the island, and they stayed in their house at the bottom of the lake since then. 

Raguel didn't mind just staying at home, since he wasn't called on by his Father for anything, although he did find Viviane's attitude a bit funny. The Lake Fairy should be able to feel Raguel's thoughts and emotions through their bond, and should have felt that he didn't have any intentions of reciprocating the dryads' invitations. 

Yet, the feelings of amusement she felt from their bond just annoyed her even more. The truth was that, since Raguel could see emotions and their intent, he could see that the first dryad they met was ecstatic upon finding out Raguel and Viviane were newlywed, and wanted to "help them bring out their future progeny". Then the dryad called her friends, telling them of the married Fairy and Archangel, and they came wanting to do the same, calling their friends in the process. 

Raguel found the whole situation hilarious as most of the dryads seemed genuine in their intentions. He obviously refused as he didn't want their "help" or their presence intruding on his and Viviane's first time together, but Viviane could still feel Raguel's attraction to the dryads physical forms, and just didn't want them around anymore. 

So they stayed in Viviane's cottage, which she took to calling 'their cottage' and Raguel couldn't help but find himself doing the same. 

That didn't change the near nightly nightmares. Or rather, nightmare. Most of his sleeps are dreamless nights, but whenever he did dream, it was the same one. The bridge, being his past self, meeting himself as Raguel, terrified then waking up. 

The first few days he asked Viviane to wait a while, because he wanted to see if he can handle this himself. He did meditations, which didn't really help. Raguel figured he might be doing them wrong, but it didn't change the outcome. He still had nightmares, and it worried his wife. 

"Raguel," Viviane spoke. "This nightmare is becoming more frequent. I feel your terror every single time I wake up. Please..." she held his hand. "Tell me what's troubling you?"  

He saw his black wing out of the corner of his eye, and remembered his Father's words. A manifestation of his shadow, a reminder of a problem he's repressing and needs to deal with.

Raguel took a breath. "Calling it a 'nightmare' is odd because nothing scary happens in it. I just feel fear anyways." He looked to see Viviane staring at him patiently. "Can we...get something to eat, and talk while doing that?" 

He was stalling. Viviane understood and felt his emotions and knew that too, yet nodded all the same. His intent to finally talk about what troubled him where still there. 

The two got out of bed, did their morning routine, Viviane made breakfast, kicking Raguel out of the kitchen when he tried to help. Something about "acting like a proper housewife passed through their bonds", Raguel sent a feeling of "wanting to share time with my wife making something together" which made her resolve falter, but she pushed through. 

Finally the table was set, the food was placed and they began to eat.

This is really awkward. Raguel thought looking away or down at his food, as Viviane was gazing with hawk-eye intensity at him. 

He could even feel her stare from their bond. 

He looked up, giving her a deadpan expression to which she just returned an "innocent" confused look. 

Raguel sighed. Yeah, he's not gonna have any peace like this. 

"Okay," he began putting the utensils down temporarily. Immediately the feeling of staring abided and now he could only see and feel attentive listening from his wife. "Okay, so...remember before the battle, when we were about to make telepathic bond--"

"Marital bond."

 "Are you seriously going to be calling it that now?" Raguel deadpanned. 

"God Himself approves, and you can feel it, right?" Viviane asked with smug smile, that annoyed Raguel with adorable it made her look. 

 Yes, while he didn't focus on it when Viviane appeared to save him from Lilith, he felt their bond changed somewhat. Well, "changed" was the wrong word. More like there was a small addition to it. A tinge of Holy Light that gave of the message of "marital vow". Raguel wasn't sure how energy an energy can give off a message, but that's the feel he got from that minuscule bit of Holy Light. 

Then Raguel remembered Tiferet Heart was a thing. It did at least explain how the bond now seemed reinforced against anyone trying to interfere with it to listen in, or do something to it. 

Thanks Dad. Raguel thought, only to get a feel of a thumbs up from his Father. 

"Yes, yes, I can." Raguel sighed with a chuckle, as he shook his head. "Anyways, back to what I was saying," he waited for her to interrupt. She didn't, just sitting down innocently listening. The small smug smile not leaving. He wanted to kiss her, or sent that feeling through their bond to embarrass her.

His eye caught his black wing, and he realized through all this, he was still stalling. 

"Right," Raguel focused. "What I was trying to tell you back then..." the fear was back. Overwhelming him to the point that he felt like he was having an out of body experience. "I wanted to tell you...I have a..." Things felt haze, yet he was completely awake. 

Why did this feel difficult? It shouldn't. And this small knowledge shouldn't bothering him. 

So why?

Because I might lose something. The thought came to mind. Lose what? The happiness I found here? How would telling her do that? 

And of course his mind provided scenarios of that. Like her being abhorred that he never told her something this important, that he lied to her. Or that she would feel betrayed that he was married once before, meaning she wasn't the first woman he loved. Or--

He felt her hand holding his own. A feeling of concern and love coming from Viviane.

"I have a past life." He stopped thinking and just spoke. "Before I was made into an Archangel, I was human." He couldn't meet her eyes, so he just kept looking at the hand holding his own, at her thumb rubbing the back of his hand. "I never mention that life. In fact beyond Father no one knows this. Because I didn't want that life to matter. To touch this one. This life...is beautiful," he looked at her face without thinking. 

"And I'm happy in it." Then he looked away, feeling ashamed, yet it felt like he couldn't tell ashamed at what. "And...I didn't want that life to taint this one. In that one I wasn't...It's not like it was a horrible life, or that it was bad. It was fine. I just..." Images of his former wife and son, his extended family came to mind. He pushed it all away, not wanting Viviane to see. 

"I have a lot of regrets from it. Things I wish I could have done differently. But in this life, in the life I have now, with Father, with Heaven," he met her gaze again and found himself smiling. Found himself at peace. He squeezed her hand. "With you, I don't have regrets. Or at least, not ones that linger, because I feel like everyday I'm doing my best when I put effort in something. So...

"That's why I...didn't want to talk about it. Didn't...want it to ever be something that needed to be brought up. It could have been something that just disappeared as I move beyond it." Images of the First Light and his soul breaking in half rushed into his mind. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "But it seemed like," he opened his eyes and looked away from Viviane so his bitterness wasn't directed at her. "That life is determined to interfere with this one." He said with a frown. 

"That's...what the nightmare is about." He finally explained. "I'm on a bridge as my old self, and I meet my current self whose is Raguel. And I'm...terrified." 

"You were human?" Viviane face was blank, yet Raguel felt curiosity and amusement from their bond. "Like...Metatron and Sandalphon?"

"Yeah," Raguel found himself amused too. "I guess, it's not really that special after all." He chuckled, feeling saddened but also relieved. 

"It is," he looked up to see Viviane giving him a soft smile. "I wouldn't have met you otherwise. Or maybe our meeting would have been different. All I know is that I'm grateful for meeting you how I did, because it led to this." Viviane took Raguel's hand and cupped her face with it. 

Raguel found himself blushing at his wife's words and action. He also really, really wanted to kiss her, but they were having a serious discussion now. 

Viviane leaned forward and took his lips into her own. 

It felt like she was eating away all his fears and worries with each breath, and he almost felt bad he didn't have more to give her. 

Then he realized what he just thought, and mentally smacked himself in the back of the head. 

The kiss broke when Viviane started giggling from the mental image as it accidently went down their bond. 

"Whenever you want, I can 'eat' your fears and worries," she said with a teasing tone.

"...Can you actually do that?" Raguel found himself curious.

"Some fairies do." Viviane shrugged. "I could learn if you want." She suggested, tilting her head. 

"No, that sounds like a bad diet, and generally like a horrible idea, with very bad consequences." He may not know that those consequences were, but he was familiar enough with storytelling to recognize a bad trope when it's coming.

"Are you sure?" Viviane blinked in surprise. 

"Yes, in this case, I am actually very sure."

"Very well," Viviane giggled at his serious tone finding it cute, but preferring it to his previous melancholic one. "Raguel, dreams," Viviane spoke softly, as the previous topic wasn't done yet. "Are often a message from our soul, warning us of our current ailments. Why...does that nightmare make you feel fear?" She asked. 

Raguel tried to think one why he felt fear in that dream, when nothing scary was happening.    

Then I quote that he read somewhere, but couldn't remember who it was attributed to came to mind.

"'Hell'," he began. "'Is when you reach the end of your life, and who you are, meets who you could have been'." Raguel blinked as he thought on that quote. "I think...that's what it is." Raguel crossed his arm, as he met Viviane's eyes. "I feel...ashamed of that life. Because I fear...I might repeat the same failures. The same mistakes. That's why..." He looked away. "Again, it wasn't a bad life. I wasn't a bad person...but I wasn't good either. 

"I think I...never became one way or the other. I just swam with the current, and didn't...try to direct myself in ever which way." Raguel found himself letting out a chuckle, as he remembered how old he was when he died. "Then I died, and it should have ended there. ...Except it didn't. I'm an Archangel, and I can't afford to be..." he struggled to describe his previous limitations. "Human, like I was before." he felt slight discomfort as describing being human as a bad thing. "I can't have that folly, like I did. 

"There are too many important things now." He tried to say with conviction, but the words felt empty for some reason. 

Before he realized it, Viviane was hugging him. He let out a sigh, as he felt her body against his own, as if he was cold a few moments before, and now he was warmed by her. 

Looking to his right, he blinked in confusion. His right wing was still black, but for a moment, he thought it was back to normal. 

"Please stop that." She said in his ear. 

"Stop what?" He blinked at her pleading tone. 

"Please stop berating yourself," Viviane pulled back so she could meet his eyes. Raguel saw them near tears, as if she was in pain. "Either side of you. Can't you see? You're at war with yourself and it's harming you."

This is my fault. I messed up just like I used to. I need to fix this.  

"I'm sorry, Viviane." He immediately said, the apology coming easy, rather than just saying the words to placate someone, or just wish a situation wouldn't get worse and just go away. It only seemed to make her sadder. "I--"

Knock. Knock. Knock.

The two looked toward the door, Raguel relieved and annoyed at the timing. Viviane was just annoyed. 

With a use of magic, Viviane cleaned the two of them up, and headed to the door, her glamour masking her frown, and only showing an air of annoyance lanced with threat. 

Raguel curious, followed along at a distance to not be completely visible to the visitor. 

Viviane opened the door with controlled forced...and any word she had died in her mouth. 

"Greeting, Viviane de Lac, Lady of the Gleaming Lake," The royal messenger spoke. It was a fairy that seemed to be made of living ice. Raguel could see it's sentient, but it felt like an extension of something bigger. "The Winter Queen calls upon you personally, along with your husband, Archangel Raguel." Viviane began to grow nervous. "She wishes to congratulate you, and discuss your absence in her call to reward you."

Viviane paled, her glamour lost.