They tricked me. They gave me those rubberized panties with the little inlet hole near the crotch and my butt, and then shoved in air hoses and blew me up while wearing those special panties. The panties have clasps on them so ropes can be tied to them and I am held like a huge parade float.
Did I just hear someone say something about a secondary tanker truck hauling helium? NOOOOOOOOO!!