Pokemon Dark Tidings 1
Added 2024-06-08 09:55:08 +0000 UTCSo decided to turn the snippet into a story,
Comments
Sorry for another wall of text but. I love a good story and I want to point out what needs to change or be reworked to help this one get there. Especially since I know that hard enough inspired this
Jordan Lopez
2024-06-08 16:31:23 +0000 UTCHmmm.... I'm sorry the town was way too cartoonishly evil, where's Agatha to check up on her home town that had a strange kid who attracts ghost Pokemon at? Where's prof oak even if he's not the champion I feel like he would jump in here to help deal with a kid who reeks of legendary Pokemon interference. Also this is lavender town the ppl who live here are spiritualist, shamans and other crazy kooks. Them being scared and weirded out by your mc makes no sense. I really think you should've had him land in another town that way you could really show off how crazy it is that he's having all these dark and ghost Pokemon pop up. Also the ppl of the pokemon world shouldn't be that weirded out by ghost Pokemon especially since it's known that their a lot of them ppl who died. That and at the end of the day Pokemon unless given a reason like that abused nidiaran. Aren't looking to hurt ppl or no Pokemon of any type would be accepted by ppl. I get what you're going for in this story but I really feel like you had a plot desired situation you wanted the MC to be treated too that you didn't really set up all that well. Also the MC was in universe for 6 months and he didn't work out to change his physic to be more then a twig mummy wtf. I don't know anyone who came from an ailing body to a healthy one that wouldn't be running and jumping in their new one. Just because they can now without pain and anger. Also you're telling me he's been there for 6 months and he wasn't smart enough to make money somehow or build up good will with some ppl. Because no way in hell are ppl going to come to a gym of a guy they can't even try to get past his looks when he was just a stranger orphan. I really think you're set up isn't too grounded.
Jordan Lopez
2024-06-08 16:30:03 +0000 UTCFuck yeah!
Mc
2024-06-08 10:25:54 +0000 UTC
