Early Access: Daily Dose of Sunshine E1-2

E1-2. So, first off, I just want to say that Show didn't turn out to be what I'd been expecting, based on the title, but - I do like what Show is turning out to be, possibly more than I might have liked it, if it had turned out to be what I'd been originally expecting.

Based on the title, I'd expected Show to be more breezy, and feel-good; I mean, that's what the phrase "daily dose of sunshine" conjured up in my head.

Show isn't at all breezy, and at first, I was a little taken aback by that.

However, I find that over the course of these two episode, I've come to really appreciate Show for what it is - or, well, what I think it is, so far - and I actually think that Show is going to be more meaningful than I'd originally imagined it would be.

The first thing I want to say is, I personally don't find this show to be of the bingable variety.

In fact, I watched these first two episodes in at least 4 different sittings, maybe 5, and that's because there were times when I found it a little hard to watch, and that, because I found that I needed time to properly process what I was seeing on my screen.

So it's not like Show is serving up very graphically horrible things; it's not that at all.

I just feel like Show is working with a very important and delicate topic, and that, if I really want to get the most out of my viewing experience, then I shouldn't rush it; I should allow the thoughts and reactions time to come.

I don't know that there's been another kdrama that's attempted to explore the topic of mental illness; at least, not in this way, and given what we know, that mental illness has mostly been a taboo subject in Korea, it feels like Show's trying to do an important work here.

I really appreciate that the way Show is presenting it, it's easy to see that anyone can find themselves vulnerable to mental illness; that it could afflict even people who appear to have perfect, privileged lives, on the surface.

I also find it thought-provoking to think about how other people's behavior can trigger mental illness in someone, whether that behavior was well-meaning or ill.

At the same time, I also appreciate that we have an overarching stories with our main characters, to tie everything together, instead of just going from case to case, from episode to episode.

I thought it would be helpful to talk about the cases and overarching arcs chunk by chunk, in these notes.

Episode 1 case: Oh Ri Na

I have to give props to Show, and to Jung Woon Sun, who plays Oh Ri Na, for portraying Ri Na's mental disorder in a believable, empathetic and sensitive manner.

I completely believed Ri Na's manic episode, as well as her following depressive episode, and in each of those scenes, Ri Na came across as a completely different person.

I found it poignant, actually, to see Ri Na trying to figure out what had been real, after her manic episode, and apologizing to Da Eun for slapping her.

It really makes me think about how some people might literally be unable to control themselves and their words and actions, in the moment.

And so, if someone were to say something really horrible to me, it's possible that they're saying it in spite of their better judgment. That does give me a better sense of perspective, personally.

I felt sorry for Ri Na, for the life that she'd led, completely in submission to her mother's direction, from her marriage, down to the foods that she ate.

At the same time, I was glad to see that Ri Na's mother was open to changing her behavior, and giving Ri Na more autonomy and space, once she realized that she'd contributed so heavily to Ri Na's mental struggles.

I appreciate that there's no neat bow at the end of Ri Na's arc, because it's true that the healing of one's mental health is a journey that takes time, but I really like that we get strong glimmers of hope, that things are improving for her.

Episode 2 case: Kim Sun Sik

I found Kim Sun Sik's story very poignant, because the bullying that he experienced at work, from his supervisor, basically destroyed his mental health and changed his entire life.

I felt that this arc really brought out how gaslighting can and does happen a lot, in our everyday lives, and we often don't even realize the kind of damage that it's doing.

I don't get the sense that Sun Sik's supervisor had set out to destroy Sun Sik's mental health, but his unrelenting dissatisfaction with everything that Sun Sik did, turned Sun Sik into an insecure mess who was completely unable to trust his own judgment on anything.

This arc really resonated with me, personally, because I haven't mentioned this to you guys before, but at the tail end of my marriage, I was a very similar kind of mess, completely unable to trust my own judgment on even the smallest things - all because of the ex-husband being continually dissatisfied with me, kinda like how Sun Sik's supervisor was continually dissatisfied with him.

My mental health never got as bad as Sun Sik's, but it's really only on watching this episode now, that I realize with clarity, how I could very well have ended up like Sun Sik.

Honestly, I can say now, with even more conviction, that it really was a blessing in disguise, that the ex-husband demanded a divorce. Because, imagine what might have become of my mental health, if he hadn't? 😱😬

I'm glad that we leave Sun Sik on an encouraging note, where he has a positive interaction with Da Eun, before his transfer.

Our protagonist: Da Eun

The thing that strikes me right away, is that Da Eun isn't anything like the cheery, aegyo-tastic characters that I've come to associate with Park Bo Young.

Instead, she's rather introverted and withdrawn, and it doesn't take long to see that she's hiding the fact that she's really not ok.

I feel like that's something that many people would be able to identify with, y'know, that whole concerted effort to show an "I'm ok" face to the world, while hiding all the real struggles on the inside.

And, as we go through the two episodes, I find that - so far, anyway - there's a point of similarity between each patient, and Da Eun's own struggles.

Like when we see Oh Ri Na struggle to be her own person in the face of her mom's suffocating brand of motherly concern, it's not hard to see that Da Eun's had similar experiences with her own mother - just not to the same extent.

The way Da Eun's mom insists on making the mugwort rice cakes for Da Eun to take to work with her, to share with her colleagues, even though Da Eun says that she doesn't want to, is very likely just a small sampling of how Mom tends to assert her own opinion as the one that's more "right" for Da Eun.

It's clear that both mothers mean well, but in both cases, they end up overriding what their daughters really feel and want, and that's just not healthy, in the long run.

Additionally, we see that Da Eun's self esteem has taken a beating over time.

As one example, we see it in the flashback with her ex-tutor, now-colleague, Yeo Hwan, who'd talked down to her and basically treated her like she was slow and dumb.

He'd done it when he'd tutored her, and even now, in the present, he still does it, when she asks if she can ask him a few questions.

On top of that, there's the thing where Da Eun overhears her previous supervisor talking to Head Nurse Song, and basically saying that Da Eun was a burden on everyone because she was always falling behind.

That wasn't meant for Da Eun's ears, certainly, but it definitely is another hit to Da Eun's already rather fragile self esteem, and I really felt for Da Eun, as she tries to clean up the mess on the floor from bumping into someone else's meal tray, while trying not to let them see her face.

What Da Eun says in voiceover is very true; sometimes, it just takes one incident like this, to cut us to the soul.

And we see that, after this incident, Da Eun's social anxiety becomes more acute, and her mental health, that much more fragile.

Da Eun's social anxiety really isn't that different from what we saw Sun Sik experience, and that really makes my heart go out to her.

The thing is, it seems that Da Eun's not actually slow on the uptake, or dumb in any way; she's just a lot more empathetic with her patients than many of her colleagues.

And because she takes the time to try to help her patients in a more personalized manner, her colleagues get impatient because this means that she's not fulfilling other duties in that time, and therefore they need to pick up the slack for her.

I felt really bad for Da Eun, when she gets scolded by Nurse Park, for wanting to go back to the hospital in the middle of the department gathering, so that she can help Kim Sun Sik find a place at a new hospital.

I'm so glad that Head Nurse Song speaks up for Da Eun, with Nurse Park, and points out that they'd all been like Da Eun, once upon a time, and that Da Eun's heart is actually in the right place.

And yes, I'm totally with Head Nurse Song on this, that it's more important to help the patient, than being a tactful colleague.

I was so glad to see that Da Eun's various colleagues all separately make their way back to the hospital, to help her out.

And, it really was heartwarming to see them all enjoying the mugwort rice cakes, because this really is an encouragement and assurance to Da Eun, who's been feeling very awkward and insecure about those rice cakes.

I hadn't been sure of what to make of Yeon Woo Jin's character at first, with his obsessive tendency to crack his knuckles, and his obsessive-but-unfruitful pursuit of medical treatment to get him to stop cracking his knuckles.

If I'd thought to check the cast list ahead of time, then I would've figured out earlier, that Go Yoon, as Yeon Woo Jin's character is listed, is our male lead, who might have a loveline with Da Eun.

I say "might" because it's not clear whether she will reciprocate his feelings, but at it is right now, it's clear that Go Yoon's figuring out that he likes Da Eun.

I find it interesting that, despite her own struggles with mental health and social anxiety, Da Eun's able to give Go Yoon so much comfort with her presence, that he loses the urge to crack his knuckles, in her company.

I do really appreciate this idea of the wounded healer, because it's true that we don't have to be in perfect shape ourselves, in order to help the people around us.

This seems true for Jang Dong Yoon's character, Yu Chan, too.

All through these two episodes, Yu Chan's appeared to be confident and healthy and normal, and he's the one taking care of Da Eun, as she struggles.

At the end of episode 2, though, we see Yu Chan basically having a panic attack, and it becomes clear that he's far from being as ok as he appears.

I guess at the end of the day, none of us is perfectly, 100% ok, are we - but that doesn't mean that we can't get better, and it also doesn't mean that we can't help other people too, along the way.

I do like that this is the direction that Show is taking, and I'm looking forward to see what else Show has in store for us.

** This show will be covered on the Early Access Plus (US$10) Tier **