DISCUSSION - What has been the toughest part of communicating kinks or sexual preferences with your partner or someone else?
Added 2021-07-12 22:45:01 +0000 UTCHey girls,
Another topic that crossed my mind was what kink, fantasy or passion have you really wanted to explore with someone but had a hard time communicating it to them or asking them about it?
X
Comments
The fear of judgment.
Karma
2022-11-26 12:38:05 +0000 UTCI feel this
Maria xoxo
2021-08-01 00:16:23 +0000 UTCI'm married, and we've been Vanilla the entire time. After research, I've been wanting to try DDlg. I identify with it in many areas. He's down for the sex part, but not much else 😒 It's really disappointing bc I just want to be intimately dominated.
LittleOne
2021-07-18 20:33:04 +0000 UTCBreeding kink = chef's kiss X
Best Kept Secret
2021-07-15 22:34:38 +0000 UTCThat's awful, sorry to hear about that experience Dame, hoping you can find the right person you deserve, to bring that kinky and confident side to the table! If you have a partner you think has potential, maybe show them our audios, it might give them the push they need X
Best Kept Secret
2021-07-15 22:33:54 +0000 UTCWell I'm not super into the idea of hurting someone, so I definitely wouldn't go that far unless my partner wanted something like that in the bedroom. I kind of feel I'm more of a tease dom than anything. But since I've never had that experience, I can't be 100% sure.
Abie
2021-07-15 22:27:33 +0000 UTCI hear you, I've never had any qualms with DDLG or referring to myself as Daddy around any girl I've been with and making her feel 'little'. Some men I think conjure images of 50 Shades or something they find a bit laughable when 'Daddy' gets thrown around but I'm hoping there is a good portion of men who embrace it too. If you're a man with ambition, will to succeed in life, business, etc. I think these terms come more naturally because you're used to wanting to be at the apex, men who don't experience that find it harder to take on DDLG IMO and personal observation. X
Best Kept Secret
2021-07-15 22:04:31 +0000 UTCSad to hear it ended badly. But you don't need to feel insecure at all, if you made him cum but he didn't do the same for you, that would be on him to improve his performance! Do you have any limits with tying a partner up or do you think you would be full on Dom if you got the opportunity?
Best Kept Secret
2021-07-15 22:00:35 +0000 UTCThat's good advice thank you, I'll try to be more honest about it! I hope I find someone who understands me like you understand each other :)
Venalcake
2021-07-15 21:58:58 +0000 UTCDon't apologise at all this was very well said . Thank you for sharing X
Best Kept Secret
2021-07-15 21:42:17 +0000 UTCThanks for sharing Venalcake, when I started with my girl, she was transparent from me from the beginning. We went out for a 2nd date at a nightclub and we were making out, I put my hand to her neck and pinned her against the wall whilst she gasped, I knew from that moment she was submissive in bed and we had that understanding that that was what I wanted. I think the honesty right from the start is the key, it gets difficult in relationships down the line if you aren't and it can be a tricky process to sift out potential partners who don't get or are unwilling to accept that part of you. X
Best Kept Secret
2021-07-15 21:40:13 +0000 UTCThat's terrible. It can be so demoralising when someone laughs at a serious effort or topic you are trying to bring up, it can hit your confidence hard. When me and my girl have discussed something we've always been frank about it, if I'm not up for it I'll let her know and we'll have a laugh, but if she is trying to really get to the root of something she wants from a place of deep desire, I'll recognise that and joking or laughing kinda goes out the window
Best Kept Secret
2021-07-15 20:29:58 +0000 UTCHey Cheyenne, sorry to hear about all the abuse you went though, can't imagine how that must feel. And there is nothing worse than the fear of judgement. I hope our audios may be able to educate your partner or show them what you want potentially? I know we have received feedback and comments from girls before about how this content helped communicate to their partners what they wanted. X
Best Kept Secret
2021-07-15 20:26:52 +0000 UTCSo, I'm just throwing this out there. In the near post Covid future. Go to a bdsm meet and greet. They are far better than those kink websites. It's a great way to introduce yourself and said partner to that lifestyle. Men are more visual and may (possibly) get a better idea of what you want. These meet and greets also have workshops for roleplay 101 and/or live tutorials on using paddles/floggers, etc. Mind you they are NOT sex clubs. Some establishments have a strict policy for that and you might get banned if you break that rule. Just do your research. I've been to at least two in my life and had so much fun. Hope this helps.
Just_call_me_V
2021-07-14 20:53:50 +0000 UTCI'm unsure how to ask for it, or even approach the topic with partners. I want something kinky, confident, and fully controlled but the men that I have seen are all kind of set in their ways. It makes me not even want to ask. I tried once and he was so angry that what he was already doing wasn't enough he yelled at me about it. It makes me afraid to ever bring anything up with anyone
Dame
2021-07-13 18:48:30 +0000 UTCI've been slowly introducing new kinks to my husband but there are some I'm too afraid to bring up yet. Role playing is one I really want to try, like bring claimed and bred by a warrior or like a huntsman. Maybe like a viking or a Celt. It probably sounds weird but I really have a thing for all consuming claiming then loving aftercare. The dynamic of it is just so irresistible to me.
Christina Paull
2021-07-13 17:58:18 +0000 UTCMy boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now...we're still a very fresh couple, but because of my very first relationship, i wanted to do things differently this time around. My first boyfriend was emotionally abusive and we were together for 3 years. Communicating what i wanted sexually to him was difficult because when we did have sex, it was very bland and I tried telling him I was into bdsm but all he got out of that conversation was that I liked being choked, spanked, and degraded....nothing else. We had one more conversation about my kinks around a year later, but I dont think he was listening cuz he just kept doing the same things over and over. In hindsight, he was probably doing the same things over and over cuz it made him feel like he had control but he was the most difficult. My current boyfriend, however, is a completely better story.
NutNutty
2021-07-13 14:54:39 +0000 UTCGetting over a traumatic experience is definitely the hardest part when communicating. You don’t know what you’re partner went through to be scared of sex, but it wa s enough to break them and hurt them. In order to get to having sex, discussing boundaries and talking about past experiences is key, because you don’t know what your partner has been through.
Abby ✨
2021-07-13 05:42:11 +0000 UTCMy partner is a few years older than me, he’s also more sexually experienced than me and that has made communication about sexual desires lot easier, but I’m with Venalcake and Lisa👆🏻 it was difficult still to open up about wanting to be called babygirl and sweet girl and little one. It was a little shocking to him how completely under his control I want to be in sexual situations when I’m generally very nurturing and wanting to be the leader in day to day life.
Kezia Bottomley
2021-07-13 05:08:20 +0000 UTCWell I'm kind of open with the fact that I'd be interested in bondage. I'm a switch but despite my chill personality, I see myself as slightly more dominant in bed. I've only had one sexual partner and I would've loved to use bondage on him...But we only ever went at it twice and it was in a one night period. Months later and the most that happened after was maybe a mini make out session and then a huge fight that ended with him cheating a month later. So I'm pretty insecure in my own performance at this point even though I was able to make him climax while the most I got was arousal.
Abie
2021-07-13 04:45:00 +0000 UTCI consider myself open and eager to explore I have a few hard limits but am adventurous. BUT I was raised by very very "Victorian" parents. I find it so damn hard to ask for what I want. Or to be open with lingerie or similar. Out here in the states I just hide behind "I'm British" but... 🤷🏻♀️
Felicity Shields
2021-07-13 04:42:02 +0000 UTCI need a sex therapist or a general therapist I can speak to before I move on with getting married to my partner. I was explaining to him that some of the sexual trauma I've experienced has "messed me up". For example, I'm afraid to tell him some of my sexual fantasies because I don't feel like being shamed. And how I asked him to abuse me sexually to get over my sexual trauma. But something like that.
Bunnyluvsusagi
2021-07-13 02:40:56 +0000 UTCFor me it’s the vulnerability that comes with the daddydom- except instead of little girl I want to be called “my little slut or whore instead”. You see my natural personality is very intimidating and assertive I don’t like to be control or dependent bc I was abandoned emotionally when I was really young so it was difficult for me but I was determined to do things that I want so my characteristics just changed I wouldn’t say those things I developed are any way a form of coping mechanism, but it’s a side of me that exist for different things both feminine and masculine. So when I’m in bed and I’m afraid to share my kink because I’m super submissive, is symbolize my trust and me laying out my vulnerability. That is a moment in life where I can afford to be dependent but at a great cost so it’s very intimate. I’m a giver and add on top of that a submissive giver and I don’t want some men to view me as a SLUT SLUT and take advantage of the fact that I’ll do anything to please him, that will crush me because I find it truly difficult to let go it feels like I’m being blinded. So when I would like to be called “my little slut” it’s sort of a possessive hold, a man that appreciates my sexuality and no that it’s for him only. He sees me as this sexy goddes that he can protect and control, he can break but can also put me back together❤️ Sorry long comment
Via Nguyen
2021-07-13 01:29:01 +0000 UTCBesides initiating/ discussing in general to massive insecurity? Him being rough/ throwing me around/ degradation. He isn't built for it and he's tried but I can't communicate effectively exactly what I want
Phoenix Fire
2021-07-13 01:18:20 +0000 UTCI’m right there with you I want to express to my boyfriend that I want a DDLG relationship and how I love being submissive and I want to be told I’m a good little girl. I call him daddy but once I mention anything else he laughs and it’s so frustrating and then I start questioning myself about what I like 😩🙄.
KhyRyn
2021-07-13 01:01:52 +0000 UTCMine is my Daddy kink or desire to be called baby girl or sweet girl you're such a good little girl. I have to second guess what I want to say. And also will he be offended if I happen to call him daddy. So I keep hiding anything to do with my DDlg lifestyle. Have my little room Locked when I have a guy over. But I so desperately want to be open and honest with my lifestyle and have someone who can be invited into my world. All the fear and concerns and the panicky feelings would be gone. But I don't know if I can or should trust someone to come in that world and not get talked about behind my back.
Lisa
2021-07-13 00:31:13 +0000 UTCIt's always been uncomfortable for me to talk about the fact that I like to be very submissive. In relationships I feel like I'm always the one who takes care of the other one and nurtures them so it has never come up naturally, and I feel so embarrassed about it. I honestly don't know what the relationship should be for me to be able to open up about it, cause if were too close and intimate I get really anxious about sex but if we don't know each other at all I might be able to say it but I definitely won't relax during sex or cum 🤷♀️
Venalcake
2021-07-13 00:22:01 +0000 UTCI’m into that too you aren’t alone
Maria xoxo
2021-07-12 23:59:33 +0000 UTCFor me at first it was very embarrassing to admit I was interested in bdsm or a dom and I can’t communicate it to my partner because we’ve been married for 8 years and I know he’s just not that type of man. It would be useless to try. He needs cuddling and constant reassurance he couldn’t harm a flea if he tried. The person I dream of isn’t him he is strong with a dark past he’s confident and a leader. And I don’t want someone to act for me that isn’t real I dream of meeting this person who really is strong dark and passionate I don’t want to teach a man how to please me. If I ever met my dream guy IRL I’d immediately sleep with him.
Maria xoxo
2021-07-12 23:53:57 +0000 UTCI don’t know I’m still a Virgin
vampiregirl149
2021-07-12 23:38:21 +0000 UTCMine is age play. Some people dont understand, will laugh or simply get grossed out. So I usually dont tell anyone.
Beth
2021-07-12 23:28:53 +0000 UTCSame Olivia , I doubt myself the minute I initiate 😅
Ana
2021-07-12 23:08:16 +0000 UTCMy own personal insecurities. I know I am able to tell my partner anything and he loves me and finds me attractive matters what, but I feel like when I try to start the mood, I literally don't know how to be sexy about it so I just laugh and play it off
Oliviazandrite
2021-07-12 23:01:15 +0000 UTCWhen i talked to him about things i like and would like to try with him he laughed or made jokes about it ( probably cause he was intimidated or unsure at the time). I’m fine if he didn’t want to try but by making fun of the stuff I like it makes me close off that part to him. When they do come around to it I’m not comfortable trying it with them anymore 😕And this has only happened once but it was in my last relationship and it was something I’ve never dealt with before in previous ones.
Su
2021-07-12 22:59:55 +0000 UTCSomething that’s hard for me is explaining what I like sexually in general after telling my partner about the physical , mental and emotional abuse that I went through. They don’t understand why I would want to be in bdsm and light s/m situations if I have been hurt before , so on top of already feeling anxious or awkward , feeling like I’m going to be judged makes it worse .
Cheyenne Johnson
2021-07-12 22:56:55 +0000 UTC
