Bonds Well Forged

 “Does it hurt?”

"Of course it hurts you damn near fucking ripped it out.” Tony said without turning over. He insisted on glaring at the control panel rather than turning over and facing the man he'd considered to be his friend, his partner, and yes occasionally a lot more.   
 
“Tony I'm sorry. I really am.” And the worst part was he sounded sorry. Of course he did. Thats because he was. Steve Roger's didn't say sorry unless he truly felt it in his heart of hearts. But what he wasn't saying was what he was sorry for.  

“Yeah you sure are.” He cringed, trying to bite his tongue before he said something he'd regret later on. Too late. He'd never had any luck keeping his damn mouth shut when it would do him the most amount of good. “So tell me this, which part are you sorry for? The whole lying to your teammates part? Or maybe the part where you put innocent civilians in danger to go chasing after your ex boyfriend? Maybe it's the part where you knew he killed my parents and you did NOTHING but defend him. Is that what you're sorry for, Steve?”

“You know that wasn't his fault.”

“God damn it burns me how you can be so calm about this.” He shuffled himself up, jerking his arm away from Steve's offer of assistance. Most of the suit was off, giving the medical bots time to work on his arc reactor. “Do you even hear yourself right now? It wasn't his fault. I know that. Okay I know that but you...you keep saying you're sorry but you're not cause you're still sitting here defending him.” Tony's frown turned into a grimace as the needled pierced down, making sure all the wires were securely connected. 

“He's my friend. He was hurt and they did things to him. I couldn't watch him get hurt anymore. You can't ask me to be okay with the fact that you were going to kill him.” Steve protested. It was deadly, how easy he could go from a battle ready soldier to a soft blue eyed puppy softly asking his friend for understanding.   
 
“I wasn't going to kill him.”

“You coulda fooled me, the way you were going after him.” Steve protested. “Look, you have every right to be angry. But I need you to try and think this through calmly. Bucky was brainwashed. He spent seventy years under Hydra's conditioning...”

“Exactly. Which means he is a loaded gun with the self control of a ten year old...!”

“Says the guy who was firing off lethal pulsar blasts in an old Soviet military facility.” Steve reminded him. “I'm asking you to have a little understanding, Tony. A little, hell a little bit of mercy! He didn't ask for this it happened to him! It was forced on him. For fucks sake he's going back with us in handcuffs because he doesn't want anyone else to get hurt! Isn't that enough?”

“NO it's not! You want it to be enough? Go back to my parents graves and tell them how their deaths weren't his fault! Go back in time Captain McFlurry and tell my mom to her face that it's okay she had to watch her husband die and sit there in fear waiting for him to come around the car and do the same thing to her! You go! You go the fuck back and you tell her that!” Tony knew he was becoming hysterical, but the fury, the raw fury felt so damn good! What was it about venting that made it so difficult to stop?   
 
“Tony I'm...”

“If you say sorry one more god damn time I'm gonna throw you from the plane.” He snorted roughly. “Not like it would do anything anyhow.” He turned his back and started to walk from the medical bay, not wanting to be in the room with Mr. Perfect any more. 

Steve had his jaw clenched like there was something he wanted to say, but wasn't sure he had the gumption to say it right here and now. Maybe he was scared that Tony would make good on his promise to launch the man out a window over the open ocean. He managed to hold off for a few minuets, letting Tony get down the hall, before heading after him. It was something that was going to rankle in his gut if he didn't ask. 

He cornered the Iron Man again in his private quarters on the helicarrier, buzzing his way in. and making sure to stand in the doorway so there would be no escape. “Is this about Bucky or about us?”

Steve knew that, at times, he could be am irritatingly self righteous man. So maybe the punch to his jaw was at least somewhat deserved. Still, Tony could have given him a warning. Maybe he should just be glad that Tony hadn't been wearing a gauntlet right then. Would have hurt a hell of a lot more.

“You son of a bitch! You really think I'm that fucking selfish? You really think thats my main concern?” He roared at the man, face red with fury till it looked disturbingly like Howard's. Tony grabbed his head and shook, clearly fighting with himself not to do anything stupid. “You wanna know if it hurt? Yeah. Yeah it hurt a lot. I hurt when I realized you were gonna run to his side to defend him but you know what hey I get it. Old war buddies and everything, the guy you thought was dead comes back and you get a second chance to save him. Yeah. It hurt. But I got it. But protecting him at the cost of everything we have worked for. Helping him at the cost of the Avengers, at the cost of putting your friends in danger on BOTH SIDES of this mess! Were you willing to see everyone else die if it meant you got your Bucky back?”

“I hoped it wouldn't come to that.” Steve added, but he knew that wasn't a good thing to say. What he had really been hoping was that his friends would side with him, that together they'd be strong enough to settle things, if not their way, then at least in their favor so Bucky didn't end up with a life long prison sentence. 

“Thats not an excuse!” Tony shouted back at him. It was infuriating how he could keep up that calm expression, that even voice when everything was falling apart! “You think you're right just because you can say it without loosing your shit! But you have the nerve to come in here and ask me if this is because you wanna go fuck your old boyfriend? Look I am a drunken waste of space but at least I am not such a selfish, sanctimonious prick!”   
 
“I thought you were off the bottle?” The captain began and got a look that told him not to change subjects. “I want to talk to you about this, okay? I really do. I just needed to know it wasn't because... I needed to know where your anger is coming from.”

“Oh my fucking god.” Tony threw up his hands. “And people call me egotistical. No, Captain Courageous. It's not cause I sat on your dick a couple of times, okay? I'm not jealous that your boyfriends back. I'm pissed that you didn't trust your friends enough to let us help you while we still could. And now, I'm going to have to sit here and throw money at the problem until it goes away.” He growled at the man absently. “I swear, I'm glad T'Challa's on board. Maybe next time you cause an international incident you can go ask him to sign the checks.” He picked up the phone, obvious eager to use it as a buffer between himself and any further conversations with Steve as he turned his back on the man.
 
Steve turned to leave, reaching to press his hand to the panel when he spied something on the side table next to Tony's bunk. The number for a humans rights attorney, several pamphlets on war veterans and PTSD, along with some phone numbers which had clearly been scribbled on by a harried secretary. A pink post it note left on the top.

:Call Pepper. -Amnesty International? Diplomatic Immunity? Defector Immunity?? Fuck it call Pepper:

In Tony's handwriting. His hand lowered and Steve experienced the utter travesty of feeling like a total and complete heel.   
 
“I'm worried about my friend.” he admitted softly.
 
“Yeah. I got that. I'm fucking working on it okay? You know Ross has been on my ass since I left to come get you? You have any idea how much I hate that guy? Right now? You're a close second. Soldier boys and their god damned...” Tony turned and hesitated, seeing the broad, muscular chest of Steve right in front of his eyes.   

“I'm worried that my friend is gonna burn himself out taking care of everyone elses shit before he realized it.” The man said firmly and took the phone from tony without meeting any resistance. “I'm worried he's gonna give himself a coronary if he doesn't stop screaming. I'm worried that it's been way too long since he's had a decent nights sleep. But mostly I'm worried that he thinks he's completely alone in this and that nobody is gonna be there to help him when he needs it the most.”

Tony swallowed, feeling the words chip away at his fury a little at a time. “Well maybe if everybody would stop dropping their problems in his lap all the time...”

“That would probably be a really good start. It might also help if my friend could learn that he doesn't need to try and save everybody. Maybe he could spend a little more time trying to save himself.” He knew what was wrong with that statement the moment he said it. Tony was the sort of man who would rather let himself get killed before letting down somebody who needed him. Why? Because himself as salvageable, and it broke his heart to think that other people might see themselves the same way. Steve reached over very cautiously, but was pleased to see Tony let him take his hand. “Or maybe you need someone who's gonna do that for you in exchange.” 

Tony closed his eyes, feeling the strong pull of his friends arms and shook his head, pulling back. “No. Your...boyfriend isn't...he probably wouldn't be happy if we kept...”

“I'm not offering that. Not right now. The whole situation between me and Bucky it's...complicated. The dust needs time to settle. I don't know if we could ever be that to each other again...”

“So what? I'm the rebound guy?” Tony arched an eyebrow. “Not that I've never been in that position before. I'm just saying it's a little insulting...”

“Tony this isn't about sex.” Steve rolled his eyes, trying to keep calm. “This is about you being my friend and needing a little reciprocation from me. This is about you deserving to have somebody take care of your needs for once.”

“I'm fine. I honest don't need anybody else right now...”

“Thats a damned lie and you know it.” He tugged the man towards him.

“We've got a fifteen hour flight before we even hit American airspace. Plenty of time to take a deep breath and take care of a few things first.” Steve hit the door panel. “Come on. Food, shower, and then sleep.”

“How about drink, sleep, more sleep, and food when I get home?” Tony growled. “I'm not sure I want you to try and fix this right now.”

“I know. And I'm not going to try and fix how you feel about this situation. I'm just trying to show you I appreciate everything you do for us. We don't always say it, or show it, or acknowledge it...which yes now that I'm sitting here saying it is a really crappy thing. But we do appreciate it, Tony. We do. Right now, all I'm asking is you let me help you come down a little so you don't drown a bottle of vodka and black out till we get home.”   

“...I don't want to talk to him.”

“I told you I'm not going to try to fix this. Not right now at any rate.” Steve promised him again. “I'll make sure Bucky stays in his room for now. I'm sure they wouldn't want him moving around to much at any rate.” It didn't sound encouraging, but Tony wasn't pulling away from him. He seemed to exhausted, physically and emotionally, to offer much more than a grumbling resistance. He followed Steve to the mess hall, letting him pick a spot away from everyone else in case it wasn't clear enough that they didn't invite company.   
 
Thanks in part to Tony's interference, the SHIELD cafeteria on the helicarrier was above average. It wasn't like they were serving steak or anything, but a stack of waffles, some fruit and eggs, and a ton of syrup sure wasn't a bad meal. Tony let Steve bring it over, snorted to himself as he saw the captain's massive plate of food compared to his own. “Where do you put it all?”

“It's the enhancements. I remember eating when I was younger and I couldn't gain an ounce. Now if I don't' eat like a horse I feel like I'm not full.” Steve dug in, raising his fork in a mock cheers. “Come on. The quicker you eat the quicker we can get you a shower and get you to bed.”

Tony stared down at the plate. He knew he hadn't eaten in two days. Not the first time that had happened mind you, but the stress in his brain was still firing around like static on a tv screen. He didn't feel hungry, which he knew wasn't a good sign either. He also knew Steve wasn't gonna let him leave the table if the plate didn't have a good dent in it. 

They ate in silence. After the confrontation earlier, maybe it was better to let everything settle for a few minuets before having another row. Steve was polishing off his eighth waffle by the time Tony managed to get partway into the yogurt and granola, but he'd managed to finish his waffles and some of the egg. He put his work down, letting it clatter to the plate before putting his head in his hands. “Steve?”

“Yeah Tony?”

“...I think...I think I might be a lot more tired than I let on.”
 
“Yeah. Okay.” Steve picked up after them and had to stop himself from picking up Tony. All that emotional build up had been released and all that was left was exhaustion and the fallout of an adrenalin rush. He let Tony walk in front as they went to the showers, Steve helping the man undress. With exhaustion came lack of coordination, and the now full belly was telling Tony that his needs were being met, so it was okay for him to be sleepy now. 

Steve turned on the hot water and guided him to it, taking a chair over so Tony could sit down. He rubbed his hands down Tony's scalp and got the reward of a dull, breathy gurgle as he tried to at least tend to his friend. “Just relax, Tony. I've got you.”

“I'm still mad at you.” He grumbled. “Still so fucking furious I can't see straight.”

“I know. And thats okay. But I'm not going to let you keep neglecting yourself because you're mad and you're trying to fix everything.” Steve knelt down and soaped up a loofa, rubbing the mans back in circles. “...I saw. You're trying to find Bucky a lawyer.”

“I'm trying to find all of you a lawyer.” Tony perked up, glaring at the man through the mirror on the opposite wall. “You and your bad eyeliner buddy and Sam and Nat and Clint and everyone stupid enough to go along with this escapade. You wanna know how many defenders refused to take my calls? Huh? Twenty eight! Twenty eight of the best damn lawyers money can buy and they wouldn't even take my call. You better hope the twenty-ninth best lawyer is either really good or really conniving.”

“You're trying to make sure he doesn't get extradited. Or end up spending the whole trial in prison.”

“I'm trying to do a lot of things and I can't do those things if I'm asleep.”

“You called Pepper. Let her deal with it from her. You're not going to be any good over the phone if you don't get some rest. I've never told you this, but for every night of sleep you loose you get about fifty percent less charming.” Steve insisted. 

“Yeah I'm gonna call bullshit on those percentages.”

“Pepper and Bruce will back me up.”

“Shut up, Rogers.” But Tony was fading. He'd already started to slump in the chair, succumbing to Steve's efforts to soothe him. When the shower was done, Steve toweled him off and wrapped him in a robe, tempted to just forgo pride and carry the man back to his quarters. When Tony heaved a deep sigh and almost crumpled where he stood, Steve made the decision and scooped him up, baring him down the hallway.   
 
“Nice to see you two getting along.” Natasha said with a smug little grin, teasing the man she knew was her friend and the one she hoped still was.

“Is that Romanoff?” Tony mummbled out.

“Yeah. Yes it is.”

“Tell her to suck a dick.” Tony ordered without opening his eyes.

Steve looked at her apologetically. “He uh...he says go and uhm...”

“I heard him. Good night, Tony.” Natasha managed without laughing, waving to the both of them as she continued down the hall.   
 
Steve shook his head as he took Tony into his quarters, lying the man down on the bed and removing the robe tactfully. He knew Tony preferred to sleep in the nude, and he wasn't about to try and neglect him. A part of him wanted, very badly in fact, to crawl into bed with him, offer Tony the comforting presence of someone who cared about him. But...well that could get complicated. He wasn't sure they were in a position for Tony to wake up drowsy, confused and naked next to him in bed. He tucked the man in tightly and grabbed a blanket for himself, pulling a pillow under his head as he settled down onto the couch. “Good night, Tony.”

“Guudnighsheve.” Came the garbled, incoherent response.