Write, write, left, right?

Does anyone know if this print is going to be available for purchase?

Just a thought: if this isn’t concrete for the actual game, this would make a KILLER trailer for it!!!!

I agree. This is part of what I posted as a reply to my own comment above. One idea is while Alice is starting to feel that something is off with the circus. “She starts hearing whispering, and she knows it's about her. Questions like ‘how do they know me?’ and ‘what am I missing?’ start circling her head. She catches herself panicking and decides to pay the whispers no mind, she needed to calm her head and make sense of what was going on. What she thought was Chaos, started to seem scripted and familiar. A play made for an audience. ‘But who's the audience?’ Alice thought to herself. Soon butterflies started filling her stomach as one answer seemed to be screaming in her head over and over.” Then she’d look around and see the smiles disappearing.

We should definately start also with the perfect quote "Cats and little girls never forget the bad ways the learn when they are young" (I`ll check the original source from the great sitate hand book if need be):)

If one can, please make it so that Alice doesnt see those smiles fade directly at first. First give her that idea that something is off with this place, so the idea itself starts to terrify/motivate Alice`s attempts to escape. Then only when she decides that there is something wrong the faces starts to change as she starts her sequence of escaping. Imagine of that terrible "ground hog day" where you wake up again and again to that terrible suspicion. It gives us a real reason to really run and try to understand what is going on

Best kind of horror is always the one where you think you are in safe and normal enviroment, but suddenly when you look a bit closer those familiar faces start to feel little off. First it is the instinct of something that you cannot quite put your fingers on to and then suddenly you start to see something wrong and that is when the terror hits you.

i really enjoyed reading the script so far, i like how the circus went from welcoming to horrifying.

Lucas Severin

Awesome! Thanks Alex! Although I messed up and didn’t realize it was the Denial “Realm.” Oops. I thought I’d throw some more questions, ideas, and notes out there. Feedback galore from a fan with too much free time. The first question is about when Alice “breaks the rules.” Does that mean when the moon catches her next it’s going to take her back to the holding cell? And by eating her? I’m also curious if Alice is still going share a tent with the Mock Turtle. I noted that the moon laughed after spotting Alice. Does this mean it’s going to take pleasure in what it’s about to do? I also noted that in the beginning, Alice is actively and intentionally seeking Chaos while looking for something new to do. If it’s going to be a theme throughout the story, it could be smart to mention it here so people reading the Design Bible get a clearer through line. Although, I know it is mentioned throughout so it could be too much too early. Just a thought. One idea is while Alice is starting to feel that something is off with the circus. “She starts hearing whispering, and she knows it's about her. Questions like ‘how do they know me?’ and ‘what am I missing?’ start circling her head. She catches herself panicking and decides to pay the whispers no mind, she needed to calm her head and make sense of what was going on. What she thought was Chaos, started to seem scripted and familiar. A play made for an audience. ‘But who's the audience?’ Alice thought to herself. Soon butterflies started filling her stomach as one answer seemed to be screaming in her head over and over.” The second idea is during the tea-party on page 6. “Plush Rabbit says something about how Hatter wouldn't be pleased with the tea. Alice says she likes it, and Rabbit quickly agrees, trying to comfort her. Alice asks him what he meant when she first heard him speak. Every time she tries to find Chaos, it turns out to be just another part of a play. A play with the intention of distracting Alice. At first it made her scared, but the more she thought about it, the angrier she got. Rabbit tells her that ‘now isn't the time. Let's enjoy the little things while we have it.’ He can't help but think of the suffering that poor Alice will still need to go through to escape. And who knows what would come after their escape. (This goes along with his knowledge of what's to come on page 8.) Even with everything running through her mind, Alice couldn’t help but listen to the advice of a seemingly old friend.” My third idea is when the blade crashes into the rock. “Even Rabbit stares in awe. Nothing like this has happened in all the times they've been there. ‘Why now?’ he wonders.” That’s it. Thanks to anyone taking the time to read this.

This is an amazing start! I'm so excited to see more!

Love the idea of the moons song playing! Everything is awesome! Love it!

Sarah McKeegan

Richard Horns comment is my thoughts too. also for the moons song maybe have it played or sung in a low chord to enhance the panic and worry. I also love the way everything flows! I am so excited!

fandomcrazy

Nailed it! Exactly where we had the gameplay sections in mind 👌 thanks for the feedback.

Alex Crowley

I think this is a good format for the storytelling in the design bible. Mixing in the rest will definitely be the tricky part. I also loved the descriptive writing. I could read it all day. The interaction between Alice and Rabbit, and the sprinkling in of Cheshire, were probably my favorite parts. I also noticed that the Circus is now Chapter 1: Slumber and Denial is Chapter 2, and is possibly part of the prelude? And it’s in a holding cell? I know it’s not set in stone yet, but if this is where the narrative’s going then I think it’s very interesting. I think it definitely hits the targets and holds the weight for an Alice game/story. Can’t wait to hear more! For the two to three gameplay points, I think the first one could be on page 2, after “Excitedly scanning for a new destination to explore, Alice searches through the circus.” The second one could be on page 3, after “Quickly breaking free of the dangerous crowd, she sprints through the circus, towards the garden.” And I think the third one could be on page 7, after Rabbit tells Alice to run. There’s also “The Rabbit Plush leads Alice to an open clearing,” on page 6. But that could also just be part of a cutscene or something.

mr. crowley~ at the top of page 8 there is a typo: utop

Yes, I did enjoy reading it. It actually reminded me Alice's first visit to Wonderland where she thinks she's still in a normal place and then slowly discovers that everything is slightly mad. It also really gave a good sense that this Alice is a child, something I know that we've been struggling with. The pacing and cuts to different scenes were also good in my opinion.

Anna Lepper

Absolutely loved it and can’t wait for the game!

Haven't read it, sorry but this font hurts my eyes too much. I never use it myself cause I absolutely hate it.

It was engrossing and well balanced with detail. I want to run around the circus, with my rabbit while its all fun and happy then seeing it fade will be all the more emotive. I also want to run around in a world of tea lakes, tea cups and mushrooms. Sounds awesome.

I like the document format and the way it reads. The level of detail and the flow is easy to follow and imagine the game. Also love the content, creepy and just what I would expect

The moons song should be hypnotic but counterpoint to a familiar lullabye. If you look up on you tube there are artists that sing positive songs in minir chords making them slighty nightmarish in nature.

I feel the scene speaks for itself and opens the game nicely.

Thanks for the feedback everyone. Really encouraging and great to see. More to come!

Alex Crowley

This appears to be at the right level of detail and mood setting to comfortably get the central story idea across for the design guide without becoming bogged down in the minutiae of set design, stage directions, and the like of a script. Pop in some brief descriptions of gameplay sections (perhaps color-coding the font so that story, gameplay, etc are each different colors) and I think this would make for an excellent way to present the design bible.

This feels like a great and mysterious start. At times, the images in my mind as i read the story made me want to cry with the Alice, or scream out "RUN" when the music begins to drown own the mind. Nothing comes to mind at this time of what would need to be change. Keep up the Great work and i look forward to this insane future.

very interesting read cant wait to read more, if there will be more. only thing I will say is the size of the rabbit. if its a normal plush rabbit leading Alice by the hand would be difficult, she would be hunched over, you could just have it either walk or climb onto her, maybe even sit in her front pocket. If its a larger size plush it would be better to have her trip over it as it slowly slides out of her grasp, then go into the scene of it waking up.

AnimeKing

This is fantastic!! I cant wait to read more!!♥️♥️

"Courier is a fixed-pitch font, meaning each character and space is exactly the same width. Since standard screenplay format is designed so one page equals approximately one minute of screen time, consistent spacing is important. Most scriptwriting software will default to Courier 12."

American McGee

Amazing. I am looking forward to more

I opened the document and was hit with the old computer fount and I asked my self why? Other than I love the story and its format.

Jane Moffet

I love the fact that you are sharing this! These games are so woven into my life that it is an honor to watch it unfold.

Definitely enjoyable to read! It's easy to imagine how it would look in game, which I think shows that it would fit perfectly. Can't wait to read more!!

I enjoyed reading it, and I feel it would be a good form of narrative gameplay wise.

Death of Ink