The Alex LA Food Guide!

Hey Everybody!

Coming to the Chilluminati Live Show in LA on October 26th? How about visiting LA in general in the future and don't know what to shove into your mouth for sustenance? Don't worry, Alex has got you. 

Food in LA for Amicable Visitors with Reasonable Dispositions.  

Breakfast: 

-Breakfast Burritos from Cerveteca on Venice. I get the bacon one and add veggies and ask for the extra hot sauce in the little plastic guys. It’s really fucking hot but it slaps with a big ass coffee. 

-Nick’s Cafe in Chinatown. Eat inside. They call it the Ham House cause the ham and eggs fucks but the secret goods are the homemade salsa they’ll bring you if you ask for it and the carrot cake muffins they cut in half and crisp up on the griddle with butter. 

-Pann’s on La Cienega. The last legit Pulp Fiction style LA diner. Everything is good like a diner should be, but I really like the hot links and the scrambled eggs with cheese and onions with coffee and toast. 

-Gardena Bowl in Gardena. Literally a bowling alley in a suburb with no business having such a good Japanese American coffee shop inside. Also has like eight pool tables and a beautiful Marvel 1 machine.

 -Gjusta in Venice Beach. Amazing bakery and lowkey breakfast spot with an incredible coffee squad. Everything they serve is homemade and gourmet level, but they do it all deli style and you just kind of take a number, get served, hang around and crush it. They also do great lunch and dinner but you don’t want to be in Venice at night because the tech bros come out and ruin everything they touch. 

-Breakfast by Salt’s Cure on Santa Monica. Crazy house cured breakfast meats, good sludgy coffee, and these crazy delicious oatcakes that are tasty enough on their own with a little butter that they don’t even give you syrup.  

Lunch:

-Painter’s Tape in Gardena. Not gonna spoil this one. Get a lot of things here, play the field. Counter service. 

-Johnny’s West Adams. Pastrami spot, but so much more. Absolutely bodacious smoky meats of all kinds. Drink beers here. Go around the side and chill on the patio. 

-Destroyer. Cafe and bakery cousin to Vespertine. Next level insane visuals and flavors but weirdly lowkey and quiet cause it’s in some Death Stranding ass warehouse tract. Counter service. Vaguely Scandinavian vibes. Get the Avocado Confit no matter what. Slaps for breakfast too. 

-Grand Central Market. Just walk around and eat the stuff that calls to you. Stalls on stalls. Also a great wine and oyster bar to sit at while you decide whether you wanna ride the Angel’s Flight or check out the Bradbury Building, which has a great coffee shop in the lobby. 

-Guisados Tacos is a local chain, there’s a couple around, but all the tacos are made with these insane slow cooked stews. Don’t miss the fucking cochinita pibil with lashes of spicy habanero that scorch your tongue between juicy bites of pork, and the chiles toreados taco is so good and spicy it’s like, holy. 

-Burgers 99 on La Brea is my pick for the best all-around burger joint in LA. The fries are stupid good too. Get the not mustard hot sauce and your life will increase. Also Cassell’s, also The Win-dow, also Hi Ho Cheeseburger but Burgers 99 is the boss. 

-Petit Trois on Highland is a French cafe for those days when you read chapters on chapters of A Moveable Feast and yearn for that simpler life. Get wine. The burger is SLOPPY SEXY but it’s all good French ass shit. 

-Open Face on Adams makes a very specific type of Danish open faced sandwiches with cold cooked meats and pickled veggies, but if you want something else wild, try their various fruit shrubs or the hakke bof with the burnt pile of shaved brussel sprouts.  

Dinner:

-Badmaash on Fairfax is Indian food for stoners. Get ripped and crush some chili cheese naan and butter chicken and beer. 

-Hatchet Hall on Washington is like what the founding fathers ate from what they shot out in the woods or something, I don’t even know. Drop like $400 on crazy dishes and wild wines like the nasty game meat-loving freak you are deep down. 

-Margot is a beautiful rooftop perch over the westside with a fresh delicious menu of half-Spanish seafood and meats. Try and get a table outside if you want a special night. 

-Jon and Vinny’s on Fairfax is red tablecloth Italian for hipsters with the best wine in the city. Fancy and delicious without being up its own ass, get the polenta with bolognese. These are the guys that made Animal and they’re not fucking with you. 

-Kanghodong Baekjong in K-Town is the KBBQ place to beat for my money. It’s like a Planet Hollywood for some cute bald headed Korean Shaquille O’Neal-type, but goddamn, they’re crushing it in there, and you feel like you’re in the Rocketeer when you roll up on the building, I stg. I got so soju drunk here one time on my birthday that I tripped up my own stairs, texted someone to come over who left town two days earlier, and my pants fell completely off. 

-There’s a couple steakhouses that aren’t for tourists in town, I approve of APL for something truly top tier modern, American Beauty for nostalgic hipster Coachella steak vibes, and St. John’s for a more classic chintzy neighborhood mafioso live old man on the piano vibe. All great for different reasons, all linked by their incredible meats and dirty gin martinis.  

Bonus: 

-Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles is actually fucking good. Go to the one on Pico. -Leo’s Taco Truck has the best Al Pastor in LA. 

-If you’re feeling anxious and just want to Postmates it, try Eggslut for breakfast or Sugarfish for sushi or Uovo for Italian. Truly special delivery experiences. 

-Sidecar Donuts is the best donuts. -The best wine shop in town is called Bar and Garden and its on Washington Blvd. 

-Prime Pizza, Delicious Pizza, Roberta’s Pizza, Triple Beam Pizza 

-Milk, not Milk Bar on Beverly for homemade ice cream bars and cookies for when you visit Tarantino’s New Beverly theater and watch some dope ass retro double feature. 

-Drink at Party Beer Co., The Mandrake, Chez Jay, or La Cita downtown for the Patio, but only on weekdays or you’ll feel real out of place.