schnumn

Self Perception VS Other

Added 2020-02-13 20:07:24 +0000 UTC

At the very end of January, one of my best friends offhandedly said something to me that utterly shattered my self image. We ended up talking through it and reconciling and I even said it was OK since that's how I felt after we talked through it, but it turns out I can't shake it and it's pretty much responsible for sending me into the massive spiral that I find myself in currently. When they realised how much it wounded me, they took back what they said, claiming that it was just a careless remark that they hadn't put too much thought into but I can't help but think that they were just telling me what I wanted to hear, and even if not, the fact that it was even possible they could perceive me in such a way that is so intrinsically at odds with how I think of myself completely broke me.

I'm still trying to claw my way out of this but... it's tough. Hearing someone say something about me that is so polar opposite to who I think I am makes me question everything about myself. It makes me question the point of everything I've worked for, of everything I've done to become the person I think I am. I don't really know how to deal with it.

I've talked to mutual friends about it and I've talked to this specific friend about it since but I just can't shake it, despite multiple reassurances. I don't really know what to do but I still have faith in myself. I know I'll find a way to figure it out. I always do!