Handbook of Erotic Fantasy: Hot Springs of the Gratuitous Nymph - Refractory Period

That is one tuckered-out elemental! Looks like she and Succubus had quite the fling! If only she’d thought to read the latest from Handbook-World’s very own love guru, our hot and bothered hot springs elemental might not be in this situation. To help keep you from suffering the same fate, we bring you the very latest in our ongoing series....

Bard's Big Fucking Bestiary: Succubi 

Bedding a succubus may seem like a logical first-step for out-of-species lovemaking. Such planar denizens come fully packaged with shape-changing powers, meaning that they’re always suited to your tastes. Even better, unlike the awkward fumblings of doppelgangers, succubi are well-trained in all the bardly arts of the boudoir. Immortality grants them plenty of time to learn the finer points of carnal delight, up to and including the Ironforge Steam Train, The Gracklstugh Drider-Maker, the Speak Friend and Enter, and even the famously acrobatic Riddleport Second-Story Job.  

Unfortunately, there are some obvious downsides. As any well-read inamorato might tell you, the she-fiends of the lower planes have been known to drain a man’s vitality with a kiss. While the same might be said of any sufficiently devious temptress, succubi are rather literal about the business. And because their stat-block makes no mention of where said kiss may be planted, the unwary are at high risk of limping away with a love muscle like a burnt hotdog. You have been warned. Proceed with extreme caution. 

Seduction

The easiest way to meet a succubus is to summon one. However, as the souls of countless dead and damned apprentice mages might tell you, the gesture is seldom appreciated. Always remember FIRE from Chapter 1: First Impressions R Everything. Beginning the wooing process with interplanar kidnap does not make for a good first date. 

Therefore, it is best to seek a succubus in neutral territory. The Plane of Fire is convenient to both the Prime Material and the Abyss, which makes The City of Brass a natural hotspot for finding fork-tailed booty. 

Last time I found myself on the prowl in the oldest city in all creation, the most notable locales for lower-planes loving were the Charcoal Pit, Madame Ul-Jizzem’s , and the Embassy of the Sisterhood of the 69th Layer. You’ll want to avoid the Palace Unquenchable though. In recent years it has become something of a tourist trap, complete with collars, cages, and some extremely handsy efreeti auctioneers. 0/5 stars. Would not recommend.

Love Making

Dental dams. See above concerning kissing.

Romance

In general, succubi despise romance. For all their talents as lovers, these cold-hearted beauties are apt to treat your tender wooing as an invitation to soul-sucking. And trust me when I say that it is not a fun kind of sucking. Unless you want to be your sex demon’s next meal, you must remember to appeal to other appetites. Top strategies include:

• Evil Schemes — Most succubi are social climbers, so any opportunity to acquire a richer bounty than your measly soul will set their little black hearts aflutter. If you happen to be a powerful noble, for example, the position of royal consort is your very own can of succubus catnip. Be warned though: they will try to dominate and / or charm you and steal your throne. Employ mind blank and prenuptial agreements as necessary.
   
• Vanity — Repeat after me: “Surely you don’t need to rely on magic to seduce me?” It’s a cheap trick, but if you lack access to magical mental defenses, a little reverse psychology can work wonders.
  
• The Wager — Like most immortals, succubi have been known to grow bored with eternity. Spice up your love life with a little wager! The classic game is one of seduction: whoever cracks first forfeits a soul and / or a year and a day of loyal service. (Disclaimer: This method is reserved exclusively for high-level bards and warlocks with pre-existing soul commitments.)
  
• Novelty — Some succubi break the mold, fleeing their abyssal homes in pursuit of real love. It may seem odd, but it does make a certain kind of sense. Once you’ve tried everything else, the only kink left is an alignment-shift and / or monogamy. If you happen to find yourself in such an arc, you’re a lucky bastard and I hate you. That said, you should quell your victory dance long enough to check that you’re not in the subverted version of this trope. There’s a 50/50 chance that you’re dealing with 1) a true demon-with-a-heart-of-gold or 2) a lying temptress. For this reason, zone of truth are the first words you should think after hearing, “I just want to be loved for myself, not my crazy sex-magic powers.”