The Maternity Ward

Patron Request

 

“So this is where I work! It’s only us right now due to the quarantine and the ongoing renovations, but it’s normally crazy busy. You’d be surprised how many babies we have in here at any given time. You think it’s weird that I brought you over? Don’t you want to see where your girlfriend works? You keep asking why I’m so busy all the time, so I figured I’d show you all the work that goes on here. Besides, I had a great idea, let’s have some fun while it’s just the two of us

Don’t give me that look; I just figured that it might help you understand how much work goes in to caring for a baby, especially a newborn. So I’m going to give you an in-depth rundown! Oh, come on, you still don’t get it? You’re playing the part of a newborn and I’m going to be your super sweet maternity nurse! Please, it’s not that weird; just think of it as a unique learning experience. Now come along, our first stop is the delivery room where the little cuties are born. I can see you aren’t paying any attention while I explain the literal miracle of life, but if you are going to be that way, might as well make you look the part. Pants and shirt off! 

There you go, naked as the day you were born! Now play along and show me how a big baby cries... There we go such a noisy baby! Now, we usually carry the babies, but I have this special gurney for you, it’s a cute adult-sized bassinet that I found online. Oh, you look so cute in it all in the nude, but I think you’ll look even sweeter once I’m finished!”

“Where are we now? Well, this is where we take all the babies to be weighed and measured and update their file into our system. Speaking of that; let me just take your measurements quickly. Oh, I’m not checking your height hehe, I’ll be measuring that cute little thing dangling between your legs! Next, sit on that scale so I can check your weight. No surprise there, someone is a big baby. Now, bend over because I need to take your temperature! Come on, don’t be embarrassed; I promise that it won’t hurt! 

Good news you’re nice and healthy! Hold on; I’m going to register all this stuff into our computer system. Don’t worry; it’s not going to be permanent, I just want a print-out of your ‘official’ birth certificate because look how adorable it is. It’s an official diploma that we hand out to all the new mothers. There we go! Now we have something to remember today! You look adorable, but it’s surreal how well you suite the whole baby image.

Ok for the next step, we’ve waited long enough; it’s time for baby’s first diaper! Well I can’t have you running around all day naked. Oh come on, you’ve made it this far, what’s the problem with putting you into a diaper? Now hold still... there we go! These diapers are so thick, but that’s the point. I even found this adorable stork pattern through a specialty shop! Now let me put on your wittle bonnet and booties, and for the final touch I can put on your ribbon. We use these to help keep track of our new babies! Are we done yet? Well, almost. Get your diapered rear back in the bassinet. I have one last stop for you.” 

“Hi, baby! Can you hear me? Okay, so now you’re in the old room where we used to keep the newborns so the relatives and parents view their new bundle of joy without disturbing them. Oh, you look so precious! It’s crazy to imagine what it would be like if you’re whole family was here looking at you from where I’m standing. I bet your mother would be gushing at her new baby. Do you know what’s kind of hot to imagine, this room full of big adult babies all dressed in their diapers ready for their second chance at infancy willing or not. I’m going to love looking back on the video I have….. Oh shoot, I spoiled the surprise! What do I mean? Well, I wasn’t quite completely honest with you about no one seeing us. We still have all the security system turned on so all the cameras are still recording. I kind of bribed the security guard to let me take home the footage once we’re done. Blackmail!?! No sweetie pie, you have it all wrong. This adorable video was just going to be for the two of us to enjoy together. It’s something to immortalize this moment, just like how a mummy and daddy might film a kinky sex-tape only this is much more innocent. 

Baby please be reasonable, I’m not trying to ruin your life. Honestly, you are acting just the way you look right now. Your red face is pretty cute though, so that’s going to look great on the video...wait, why are you straining so much? Are you wetting yourself?! You are, oh my god! I can see your diaper sagging from here! You are soaking those pampers like an actual baby! Oh wow, are you pooping in them too?!

I guess this was all a little too much for you. Well, you always were the type that jumped to a negative conclusion. Oh, stop crying you big baby, but I do think you look so cute sobbing while wearing such a dirty diaper. Don’t worry, I’ll get you out of there, but you won’t be getting your big boy underwear back anytime soon. Now let’s go get the footage from the security office, I can start editing it right away, a montage for the start of your second infancy! With all the pictures I’m going to take and your certificate I can put together a cute little scrapbook too, but first thing’s first you’re in much need of a diaper change!”