[UPDATE] The Haze is gone

Before anything else, I'd like to start with an apology for taking so long with the finale. I'll get into why it's taking me a while a bit later, but for now, just know that I am really sorry for basically scamming you guys. :/

And second; thank you. You all have been wonderful, and know that your support has helped me set things back on the right track.

Now, onto the meat of the menu.

I feel a lot better.

I wouldn't say I'm quite cured yet, but after a very, very long time of feeling stifled by my very existence, I feel like I can breathe and just enjoy my brief moment of time on this blue speck of dust.

I've made sweeping changes to my life. Diet, sleep, exercise, digital wellbeing, time with friends and family---it wasn't easy. Every habit, even the bad ones---especially the bad ones---forms for a reason. I ate like shit because i am already short on time, and cooking takes both time and energy. I slept poorly because I wanted more time for myself, and usually, I can only have it when my baby is asleep. I didn't exercise because I have joint problems, and as expected, once I started, I immediately hurt my right shoulder. And I rotted my brain every free second of the day because I needed a distraction from feeling like boiled crap.

As you might imagine, working around all of this has been rough. But this wasn't even the worst part.

This was something I hadn't expected to need to address yet. This was something that I perhaps wasn't entirely ready to change. But as I slowly dismantled all the other sources of stress, the biggest one became too obvious to ignore.

I had a very, very, very toxic relationship with work.

This is the main reason why it's been taking me so long to finish the finale.

Overwork, staying up late, stressing endlessly, obsessing over my performance and feedback---I had a lot of extremely toxic habits related to my work.

In the long run, I am certain that fixing my ways will help me put out better work, faster, but right now... well, it might have sucked for my health, but it worked. Words got written, chapters got posted, deadlines were met. It might have been basically self-harm in many ways, but it was the way I did things.

Like all the other bad habits I had, these had sprouted for a reason. And that reason was that it was the only way I knew how to finish my work on time.

All of this has been very overwhelming and exhausting, and it wasn't made any easier by a whole pile of IRL responsibilities I had to take care of, and then I also got sick, and then my fucking brain started leaking through my nose (CSF leak)... ugh. Always something. Add a whole ass baby to the mix, and things get even more complicated.

Sorry for the lengthy rant.

At any rate, the update is a positive one at the end of the day. I'm getting better and I'm feeling better. Still haven't gotten around to booking therapy, but there's been some problems on that end that I'd rather not get into now.

As for the finale, I do not want to make any promises, but I will say that it is certainly coming! Lmao.

Anyway, that's about it. Have a good one!