Bella Swan is Harley Quinn, Chapter 1: Bye Bye Mr. J

Synopsis: Years after being abandoned by Edward in the middle of the forest, Bella has moved on and found her new calling as the Queen of Gotham's Underworld. When her past comes knocking, her only salvation will be the nonsensical abilities that she's cultivated over her years as a supervillain.

Well, the voices in her head could probably help too, if they would ever stop yelling at her about nonsense. Nobody told Harley Quinn what to do! Not even herself!

Yuri/Harem/Dark themes/Vampires doing vampire things/R18+

-x-X-x-

"So that just happened," Harley Quinn deadpanned as she stared down at the corpse of her former lover, the Joker, neck torn open and nearly drained of all blood.

Harley didn't really care that her Mr. J was dead. He had always been a bit of a bad habit. He allowed Harley all sorts of fun and exciting ways to let out her inner crazy bitch, but she didn't care about him. God no. He was also a damn good lay, but between him and her ex, Harley was pretty sure she was done with men for the foreseeable future.

It was going to be hard to get over the fact that she spontaneously turned into a damn vampire while they were getting it on in bed, but she'd survive. A good roll in the leaves with Ivy should set her straight. Then she'd be able to forget about how delicious Mr. J's blood tasted.

(Hmm... Maybe visiting Ivy should wait until you have this whole bloodlust thing under control, babe.) 

"Damn, you're right, me, as per usual," Harley nodded sagely. Honestly, where would she be without the voices in her head?

(Probably vampire chow. Like Mr. J...)

Yep. It had been a long time since she'd had to worry about vampires, and this certainly came out of left field. Harley only survived being hunted by a nomad on a vengeful hunt that spanned the entirety of the United States because the voices in her head guided her, helped her become stronger, and showed her how to not be a prissy little bitch.

Suffice to say, Harley owed the voices quite a bit. Without them, she'd be nothing more than Bella Swan. A weak little girl who did nothing but seek out trouble again and again until she eventually paid a price far steeper than she could have imagined. And here, years later, she was still paying for those mistakes.

"How the fuck did I turn into a vampire, anyways?" Harley wondered.

(James...)

"That was twelve years ago!" Harley exclaimed, gesturing to the very faint scar of a vampire bite on her arm. "Are you telling me I've had a vampire venom time bomb in my wrist that whole time?"

(That old thing has been hurting for a while, babe. Carlisle did say nobody had ever tried to suck the venom out before. Looks like it didn't fully take...)

{I never bought into the perfect Cullen image. Vegetarian vampires my ass. I bet he was snacking on the coma patients on those late-night shifts!}

[I always thought Carlisle was a hack~]

"Yeah, well that makes four of us," Harley huffed in response to the three voices clamoring in her head. Remembering the Cullens kind of sucked, but it was hard not to think of them now. One second, Harley was human, and in the next instant she was a vampire!

(You seem to be fixating on this quite a bit.)

"No shit! I haven't wanted to be a vampire since I was an eighteen-year-old virgin!" Harley was feeling a lot of very rational anger surging through her.

"Wasn't the change supposed to last three days? I thought turning into a vampire was the most painful experience imaginable, but it was over in less than a second! Look at this shit!" Harley held her hand up to her face and examined it with her new enhanced senses.

"I mean, I'm happy that I'm even more of a bombshell, but I'm all pale and rock-hard now..." Harley hopped up and admired her naked body in front of a floor length mirror. She paused when her eyes caught sight of the blood splattered all over her body and, for the first time since awakening as a vampire, took a deep breath.

"Oh. Wow." Harley exhaled as she became aware of a scorching fire that burned at the back of her throat. Human blood might just be the most amazing thing she'd ever smelled in her whole life. Her eyes zeroed in on the blood dripping, ever so tantalizingly, from her delicate hands.

She'd barely had a chance to realize that she was drinking Mr. J's blood when she killed him, too lost in the strangeness of her new senses and body. Now that she had a second to process things she could smell, taste, and feel everything.

Without thought, she began licking her hands and arms, cleaning them faster than any shower she'd ever had. She flashed over to Mr. J's corpse and licked him clean as well. Within seconds all the blood she could reach with her tongue was settled safely in her stomach.

The burning in Harley's throat eased and she flopped back onto the bed, basking in an afterglow from an experience that was better than sex, which was a crazy thought. Harley fucking loved sex. She had never felt such euphoria and satisfaction as she did at that moment. It scared her a little, just how crazy and intense a high she could receive just from drinking blood.

"Oh, no! I just realized I sparkle like a damn glittery disco ball now! What am I going to do? I love the sun!"

[Stop pouting. There are bound to be ways around the minor inconveniences of vampirism. Just go visit our favourite magician~]

"Right..." Harley drawled. She had been a customer at that shop for a couple years now and, surprisingly, she'd never been arrested or kicked out. She remembered the old man's daughter saying something about neutral ground and not wanting to rebuild their shop every time a supervillain came calling. Harley didn't get it, but she wasn't about to start complaining now!

"Of course you're right, me. We have all the best ideas, don't we? Let's go visit Z and play with our favourite little girl!" Harley cheered as she rushed to the bathroom to wash the last remnants of Mr. J's blood off her naked body.

{Phrasing... I... Y'know what, I don't know why I bother. It's been years since she was that young little thing that always followed her father around. I'm pretty sure she's legal now-}

Harley tuned out the voices in her head while she went about her business. Moving at vampire speeds had her in and out in under a minute, leaving her cleansed and fully clothed in her signature booty shorts and clingy crop top.

Harley looked at herself in the mirror and couldn't help but pout. "So, hair dye doesn't survive the change either, huh?" she mused absently. She hadn't been a brunette since she first arrived in Gotham City, and she didn't like it one bit. She would find a solution for this.

Not the vampire part. She didn't really have any issues with being a vampire. On the contrary, her body surged with so much power and energy that she felt invincible. Aside from other vampires, she should be able to tear through anyone in Gotham with few issues. Well, maybe not Batsy, but Harley was pretty sure he fought Superman once and survived, so she wasn't going to count that against her.

Harley was going to need all the muscle she could round up. With Mr. J dead, Harley would have to put in some serious legwork to maintain control of their little criminal empire. Luckily, she filled the role of a heavy hitter herself now. Before, she relied on weapons and her gift, a telekinetic shield that she'd gained a modicum of control of over the past decade.

[I think you'll find that your shield is a lot stronger now that you're immortal and don't have to worry about your brain melting.]

Has Harley ever said how much she loved having voices in her head? It was times like these that she was ever so happy that she was no longer cursed with her pesky sanity. Her fall may have ended with her Mr. J, but it started long before that.

She smiled wickedly as she stretched the muscles of her new and improved supernatural brain. She raised her arms and concentrated, willing the energy within her mind to move and, faster than any normal human could react, slammed her shield into the wall of her safe house.

BOOM! CRASH!

Harley's shield struck with such force that the wall of the building practically disintegrated like it was struck by a Superman punch. What little there was remaining toppled to the ground, causing the rest of the house to destabilize as well.

(Woah! Holy shit! That was a big explosion, girl. You better get the hell outta Dodge. Not all the Clowns will follow you without that psychopath by your side. Fucking misogynists.)

Without bothering to get rid of any evidence of Joker's death, Harley took off into the night. She raced through Gotham's seedy underbelly, allowing her new enhanced senses to take in the sights, sounds, and scents.

Harley was so fast that she didn't see the need to hide herself. She jumped onto the roof of a dilapidated apartment complex in a single bound and leaped from building to building, becoming more accustomed to her new body with each passing moment.

Long gone were the days when she was a shy stuttering mess who would trip over her own feet more often than any other member of the human race. Surviving in Gotham, even with her allies, was impossible for the unlucky or the unskilled. Harley had always been unlucky, so she needed to be extra competent to eke out an existence in the crime capital of America.

Harley was about halfway to her destination when her new senses were ensnared by an intoxicating scent. Before she could form a conscious thought, Harley was flying over the rooftops in a different direction. Within seconds, she found what she was looking for. 

In one of Gotham's many alleys, a young girl was cornered by a group of thugs. By the looks of things, the girl was in for a rough time. Harley remembered a similar time in her life when she was nearly raped by monsters in the shape of men just like those scum below.

Relying on her instincts, Harley dove off the rooftop and practically flew to the ground below. She landed in the middle of the would-be rapists and lashed out with her shield. The men were all sent flying away from her, smashing into the walls and ground of the alley. A few died on impact, their skulls crushed, but the survivors of the initial attack only survived moments longer.

Harley's senses went haywire when the blood of the dead and dying men around her escaped from their fragile bodies. This was it! This was what she wanted! What she needed! Holy shit! Just the scent of human blood was crazier than any drug Harley had tried, and she'd experimented with pretty much everything. How did the Cullens ever manage to resist this? Harley wasn't nearly strong enough to do so.

So she didn't.

Harley moved faster than the human eye can see and flashed from body to body, finishing off her prey. She left none alive.

Before the last heart stopped beating, Harley could no longer hold back and started tearing into the fresh corpses. She drained each one of blood in mere seconds and moved on to the next. Her instincts showed her the fastest and most efficient way of draining her blood-bags.

After a minute, Harley pulled away from the last body and fell backwards onto the floor of the filthy alley, covered from head to toe in blood.

(You're going to have to work on your table manners...)

[Oh look! Look! The almost rape-victim!]

Harley felt like she was a mixture of drunk and high as she processed the taste of human blood once more. With supreme effort, she let her head flop to the side to stare at the girl. The poor little human was trembling in the corner behind a dumpster, terrified of whatever it was that ate her attackers.

Harley wanted to let the girlie know that she was so full she couldn't eat her even if she wanted to, but even her mouth wasn't working properly. Was she blood drunk? Was that a thing?

(Well, we've always had a bit of an addictive personality, babe. Maybe we were meant to be a human-killing, blood-sucking creature of the night?)

{I don't think there's any chance of us being a "vegetarian" vampire, is there?}

[Nope! Fuck off with that shit! Did you not taste the same thing we did? The Cullens said animal blood tasted like warm mud. On one hand we have edible heroine. The other? Warm mud. Ain't no way~]

While Harley was distracted by her voices, the girl took off and didn't look back. Harley couldn't blame her, but she did pout a little bit inside. The girl's blood was what brought her to the alley in the first place. She smelled amazing and Harley would have been all over her if there hadn't been a buffet of scum to sate her newfound appetite.

(We do have that perfect memory thing going for us now. If you want to hunt the girl later, it would be pretty easy to track her down by scent.)

{Aren't you supposed to be the responsible one?}

(I'm pragmatic, not responsible. Human blood tastes amazing and that chick smelled like a gourmet meal.)

"That she did. I should probably get up before some sort of do-gooder finds me rolling in all this blood. Mmm... Blood..." Harley wanted to get up and move, but she was distracted by all the delectable blood that was just everywhere.

[You know you want it~]

Harley didn't even try to resist.

In an instant, her lust for blood was back and her full stomach forgotten. She licked as much of the blood off herself as possible, scraping blood off some of the less disgusting thugs with her hands once she was relatively clean herself. She barely managed to restrain herself from licking the walls and the ground. She was a little angry at her messy eating habits that ended up wasting so much of the good stuff.

{Ew, gross. You actually did it. Again. Let's not make a habit of this. Who knows where these guys have been? Not that I can blame you...}

(We'll have lots and lots of opportunities to practice, babe. Don't worry.)

"You're all terrible influences~ Exactly the way I like it!" Harley laughed and knocked her fist against her head playfully.

[Damn right. We're the best! Let's go have some fun!]

"After I finish digesting all this blood, please and thanks. How did I even fit that much inside me?"

{Phrasing...}

[Hahaha!]