A Little Life

Tier Reward for Rowan Roach

It’s the little things that make a life, but when you’re forty and feel like you’re life’s wasted, sometimes that’s not enough. Luckily for Alex, one day he wakes up with a second chance and a new body to go with it. 

~

It's the little things that make a life.

Little bursts of happiness you can find in everyday moments. Seeing a cool bird, getting the front seat on the bus, and getting to try a limited edition drink from the Starbucks down the road, that sort of stuff. At least, that’s what Alex always thought. He was one of the many people born into this world without any special something; no je ne sais quoi, so special talent. He was an average guy, with average looks, normal intelligence, and no special interests. But that was okay, he told himself it was the little things that made life worth living and that strange yearning in his chest for something more? That was just him being selfish. After all, there were people who had it way harder than he did. 

Yes, he was average, but being unremarkable wasn't necessarily a bad thing. He had a job that he didn’t loathe entirely, that provided him with a decent enough level of living that he couldn’t complain, even a few luxuries from time to time, like the fancy Starbucks drinks. So that hollow feeling in his chest was something to be ignored.

As were the temptations that made it stronger, like looking at the make-up aisle at the chemist's, or strolling past the women’s section in stores. It didn’t mean anything. It was just…him being sad and single. That’s all. He’d get over it, focus on the little things. Focus on the little things, and that hollow feeling would go away.

It had to.

After almost forty years, though, he was beginning to wonder. But he forced that wondering to go away and focus on the positives. Like the little cake he was carrying back to his apartment. It was chocolate, the premade kind from the supermarket with the jam between layers of sponge: his favourite. Well, his favourite since they stopped making the little cream ones with fruit but no use dwelling on the negatives in life. 

He put the cake down on the counter and smiled as he fished around in the drawer for some candles while humming quietly to himself. 

“Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me…”

He lit the little candle and watched the flame dance. It was a little sad, having a party of one, but…it’s not every day you turn forty! That was a positive. It was either this or inviting all his work colleagues and acquaintances from social media, and that sounded hellish. He would have spent all week dealing with ‘sorry I can’t make it’ messages, and the ones who did show up would be awkward. No, this was much better. Focus on the positive. 

Alex set the little cake down on his coffee table and turned on the TV, ready for a nice, relaxing night on his own. Just like every night, but with cake. He flicked through the options on streaming and watched as the show names blurred together. Thanks to the age of streaming, there was always something to watch. And he had certainly watched a lot of it…

“But there is always more.” He reminded himself, watching the candle burn down low. “That’s…that’s a positive.”

Alex’s hands curled into fists on his knees. His normally positive outlook was ringing hollow tonight for some reason. Maybe because he was a forty year old man, sitting alone in his apartment on his birthday, and the only positive spin he could put on it was that at least Streaming gave him variety in things to watch. 

His eyes scanned the room; his walls were bare. In another life, maybe he would be an extroverted socialiser and those walls would be covered in photos. Or perhaps he would have been an artist and covered them in canvases of his own creation. He’d been interested in art once, but every time he tried to create that hollow feeling in his chest got stronger, so he’d put down the brush before he’d really even picked it up. It had been that way with everything, every interest felt like a mask, like something to fill that void in his chest, and none of them ever did. They only made it worse. 

“Forty years…” he muttered, “And I don’t have anything to show for it.”

The wax was melting onto the cake now as the tiny candle started to fall apart, and Alex realised he didn't really care. He’d never liked chocolate much anyway. He’d just been convincing himself that these little cakes were as good as the old ones. 

He didn't even have his old college jacket anymore. He wasn't having some midlife crisis because he’d peaked in high school or college; he was forty and he’d never peaked. That was almost worse. At least if he were some washed-up college footballer, he’d have something to look back on fondly. 

Alex watched as the candle melted into a tiny pile of wax and the flame threatened to sputter out. Then, just before it did, he leaned forward and blew it out himself. 

“I wish I’d found whatever it was that I needed.” He whispered, “I wish I’d figured out what this hollow feeling was.”

He threw the cake in the bin without cutting it and wandered off to his bedroom. He didn't feel like doing anything tonight; he just wanted to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow so he could try and put a fresh spin on how pathetic he was. It was the little things that made a life, but when your life is nothing but little things, well…your life ends up pretty small. 

~

When Alex blinked open his eyes, two things surprised him: the first was his clock. The date in the corner read May 13th, which was his birthday, which should have been yesterday. The second was that the clock was sitting on a white bedside table, against a pink wall coated in posters he didn’t recognise. 

“This isn’t my room…”

That wasn't his voice. He’d spoken those words, but his voice sounded…wrong. No, actually, it sounded very, very right for reasons he couldn’t put his finger on. Right…and female. His hand reached for his throat and pressed against smooth skin; no Adam’s apple, no stubble. He’d always been the kind of guy who had to shave every day; he hated it. Alex couldn't remember the last time he woke up with smooth cheeks. 

The sound of whispers and giggles made him turn; had somebody broken in? No, that was impossible, because he wasn't in his apartment anymore. He was in a room he didn't recognise; with more pink walls, delicate white painted furniture and the fluffiest, comfiest flower-patterned comforter he’d ever used. 

“Is she awake?” Came a whisper from behind the door.

“Shhhh, you’re going to ruin the surprise.”

“Maybe we should wait a little longer?”

They were women’s voices. Alex blinked again; how had he gotten into this strange room, with its comfy bed and girly aesthetic? He sat up slowly, straining his ears as he listened to the voices outside whispering excitedly. As he sat up, he felt his body shift in a way that it never had before; there was a weight on his chest, and when he looked down, he was greeted with cleavage. 

“W-what?” 

On his chest were two perky, round breasts; so large in fact that the silky nightgown he was wearing just barely covered his modesty. He could see two little hard nipples pressing against the fabric as well. It was downright indecent. He ran a hand over his arms and down his legs before dragging it back up his side. He felt the curve of his wide hips, the cinch of his waist and then the gentle curve of the side of his breasts. A shiver ran down his spine; his skin had never been so smooth and sensitive. 

“I’m a woman…” He whispered in shock.

This had to be a dream, but it felt so real. And yet, he wasn’t horrified. A forty-year-old man waking up in the body of a woman in her twenties, that should have been humiliating; he should have felt embarrassed. But he didn’t. Confused, yes, but not humiliated, if anything, he felt oddly light.

“I heard something!” Came a whisper.

“Let’s go!”

The door flung open, and half a dozen women, all dressed in pyjamas and nightgowns, half fell into the room. 

“Surprise!”

“Happy birthday!”

A cupcake with a single candle was thrust into his hands; it was vanilla, with a swirl of white icing and little fruit jellies shaped like stars on top. Clearly homemade and a little lopsided, but it was somehow the most beautiful little cake Alex had ever seen. It felt odd, holding it in his now delicate hands. 

“Well, go on!” A busty blonde said as she sat down next to him so closely that their shoulders touched. “Make a wish!”

Alex’s mind was racing, his mouth opened and closed, still in shock, trying to keep up with everything that was happening. He still couldn’t get over this body.

“I’m a woman.” He repeated dumbly, and the girls giggled. 

“Hell yeah, you are!” One called, “Twenty-one, and all the fun that comes with it!”

“Ah, the baby of the sorority, all grown up.” Another said dramatically, only for the blonde next to him to smirk.

“Lacey, you only turned twenty-one two weeks ago.” She turned back to Alex, “Come on, babe, before the candle starts to drip.” 

Alex pursed his lips and blew, more out of habit than anything. Even that little act felt different; the air seemed to glide over his full, soft lips and left them tingling slightly. The girls all cheered as the flame went out, and Alex felt a warm feeling swell in his chest, filling that void for the first time in his life.

“What did you wish for, babe?” The blonde asked only for another of the women to smack her playfully. 

“Ella, she can’t tell you, it’s bad luck!”

“I’m her girlfriend, it can’t be bad luck to tell me.” Ella pouted, and Alex felt his cheeks going even redder. Girlfriend?

He’d had a handful of girlfriends over the years, but none of them had been serious. Certainly not had been as hot as this woman, with her tanned skin and sun-bleached blonde hair. Ella frowned and leaned over to squeeze his shoulder. 

“Hey, are you okay? You seem really out of it.” 

Alex looked at the cupcake instead of meeting her eye. “I’m fine, I am just still waking up.”

Ella nodded and clapped her hands to get everybody else's attention. 

“Alright, let’s give the birthday girl some time to get ready, and then the celebrations can start.”

“Celebrations?” Alex blinked, “Isn’t this the celebration?”

The other girls all laughed at his great ‘joke’ only to realise a moment later he was serious. They all spoke at once, so it was hard to make out, but Alex could feel their excitement and genuine affection. 

“You think this is all we have planned?”

“Hell no, you were blessed with a weekend birthday, we’re going all out, babe!”

“Now get dressed and let’s go! Hope you’re ready for the beach!”

Ella gave his arm one last squeeze and leaned in to whisper in his ear. “Look under your bed, you’ll find something fun to wear.”

The women all filed out of the room, leaving him alone with his cupcake and still-smoking candle, still in shock. Once he was sure they were gone and not lingering outside his door, Alex got to his feet, feeling the subtle difference in the way his body naturally held itself; there was weight at his butt and chest, and even his head. He reached a hand up and ran his fingers through dark, red waves of hair. 

There was a full-length mirror in the corner, and as he approached, Alex felt his jaw drop. The woman in the mirror was gorgeous, a busty redhead with full lips and a little smattering of freckles across her nose. And she was…him. He posed in front of the mirror and ran his hands over the curves, slipping out of the nightgown to stand totally naked before the glass. 

A neat triangle of red hair between his legs, pert, pink nipples, wide hips. It should have felt wrong, but instead it was anything but. A soft smile played at his lips and Alex realised that for the first time in his life, that hollow feeling in his chest was gone. He felt at home. He’d never paid much attention to his appearance before, mostly because he was average-looking and felt like he didn’t need to, but there was also the fact that his reflection had always made that hollow feeling worse. Was it because…no, it couldn’t be…

“Was I…am I…trans?” He whispered, “Is this the real me?”

It certainly felt like it. 

There was a knock at the door, and she startled.

“Alex? Are you changed yet?” Called Ella. 

“Uh, no, just a minute!”

He ran to the bed, remembered what she said and pulled out a small gift box. His name was written in golden ink across the top. For a moment, he ran his fingers over the letters in wonder; handwritten, Ella really cared about him. It made warmth swell in his chest. An entirely different feeling built within him when he opened the box to reveal a dark green bikini with metal hoops holding the fabric together. It looked expensive and gorgeous, and he was immediately filled with a desire to put it on. 

Sliding into the silky fabric felt better than anything he’d ever experienced. Alex had never given much thought to clothing, but now, with these new curves, his mind was racing, already wanting to mix and match whatever he found in his wardrobe. The door opened again, and in walked Ella, wearing a matching bikini in red, and she squealed.

“Oh my gosh, babe, you look incredible.”

“You have good taste.” Alex blushed. 

Ella crossed the room and kissed him with all the confidence and casualness that came from a long, well-established relationship. If there was any of that hollowness left in him, it was gone by the time Ella pulled away. His face was red and his eyes were wide, which made Ella laugh warmly. 

“Come on,” She giggled, “The others are waiting.”

~

The beach stretched out before them, glittering like something from a dream. Was this a dream? Alex was terrified of the possibility. But it felt so real, from the curves of his new body to the soft sand beneath his, her, feet.

Alex was still getting used to how this body moved; the bounce in her chest, the curve of her waist, the way her hips moved as he followed Ella into the water. It was all so strange, yet so right.

The sun hit her skin with a soft golden heat, and the breeze blew her long hair behind her. The other girls ran into the surf without hesitation, and one turned back toward her, grinning widely. 

“Alex! Come on! Birthday girl has to go in first!”

She giggled, actually giggled, and before she could stop herself, she sprinted after them into the spray. The cool shock of the water against her legs made her yelp, but it was followed by laughter. Alex had never felt so light. A wave smacked against her thighs, nearly knocking her off balance, but strong hands caught her.

“You okay?” one of the girls asked, laughing.

“Yeah!” she said, and meant it. 

Then, with a wild laugh, dove headfirst into the next wave. The other women clapped at her bravery, and that warm feeling in her chest spread. 

They played like kids. Splashing, diving under the surf, racing along the shoreline. Someone brought out a volleyball and they batted it clumsily through the shallows, squealing each time it splashed into the water. 

Alex caught sight of her reflection in the shallows and didn’t immediately recognise herself. But when that connection clicked, it made her smile even wider. This was it, this is what she'd been missing her entire life before, this was who she was supposed to be. 

Eventually, they flopped on the sand. Someone handed her a cold can of soda, and she cracked it open with a satisfying fizz, leaning back on her towel as the sun began its slow descent. Music floated from a Bluetooth speaker stuck in the sand, and Ella plopped herself down next to Alex on a towel.

“Happy birthday.” She smiled, “I hope it's been good?”

“The best.” Alex sighed happily and then added, “Hey, Ella?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you…tell me about me? What am I like? Why do you like me?”

“You’re only twenty-one, don’t go getting all nostalgic and have a quarter-life crisis.” She teased.

“I’m not, I just…want to know how you see me. Get some perspective.”

Ella giggled and shrugged. “Well, you’re creative, and kind, and so passionate about life…”

She went on, talking about how they met in art class, how it was love at first sight, and about how Alex was the brave one who came out as a lesbian first. Alex leaned against her, smiling softly. She didn't know how this had happened, but somehow, she’d been given a second chance, and in this life, it seemed like she was everything she’d always wanted to be. She intended to make the most of it, because it's the little things that make a life, and eventually, they all add up.