Jack and Babs Homeventures: The Splootening

Story time!

As you all know by now, this month is moving time for us. We managed to buy an old fixer-upper, which means we have committed ourselves to a LOT of fixing and upping.

On a sunny Saturday morning, we pulled up to the new place, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to work. The first mission is to cover up the popcorn ceilings in all 900 square feet. It's a lot, but we're rising to the challenge! We don't have the kinda money to pay someone else to do this, but we've got relatively working bodies and enough stubborn hubris to launch us to success like an erratic bottle rocket.

"Wait! Lemme take a before photo." I said just as we were getting started. I raised my phone to capture Babs giving an optimistic smile, blissfully unaware that the situational comedy demon had not, in fact, been exorcized from the house yet.

(don't worry about the carpet, it's going away so we can muck it up as much as we want)

A little time passed, and we were getting in our groove. As I was unscrewing the old curtain hooks in the next room, a sound like the combination of eeking the air out a balloon and the parrot that screams into a cup echoed through the empty hallway.

Now, as someone who has known this leop a long, long time, sometimes he just makes sounds. Ridiculous noises and vocal stims emanate from his maw on the regular, and they are returned in varying degrees of encouragement or disgust from myself. I opted to ignore this one, concluding he was simply being a broken radio soundboard, per usual.

"JACK"

I perked up, assuming he just needed me to hand him a tool or something. The full picture revealed itself to me as I stepped into the room and around the platform.

Baby need smoko

I took a deep, sympathetic breath, then cautiously asked "can I take a picture?" struggling to hide my laughter. He had stepped a little too far along the platform and went down to catch himself, gravity too quick ravenous to let this bitch save himself. His entire foot became engulfed in chemical frosting.

When we got him unstuck with a big SCHLUP, we went outside to give his shoe the premium waterboarding experience.

Rare! Babs toes! $10,000 for steppies

Babs ambled back inside, stripping off his soaked socks and jeans. I delayed in the kitchen for a quick bite amidst the unexpected break, then walked back to the bedroom.

"AUGHH"

This time, it was my turn to scream, as I was not prepared for the post-modern surrealist horror art installation in the next room.

Hungover Fresno Nightcrawler caught squatting in vacant home. Neighbors disappointed, but not surprised.

You can't say the man isn't innovative. Using his belt, he strapped up his pants to the vent fan and let it go to town, giving his clothing a creepy 3D effect and the blowjob of its life.

Anyway, we spent the rest of the day mudding the ceiling with one of us in underwear and bare feet (and no, you ain't getting pics of that, ya filthy animals. Use your imagination or bully me into drawing it like normal degenerates). Country boys make do, and nothing stops this one when he wants to get any job done.

This is all I've got for the moment. As you might imagine, our hands, arms, necks, and shoulders are killing us, and we're not done yet! 😅 Wish us luck...

Hope this entertained you a bit and more to come soon~