I guess this was inevitable

It’s New Year’s Eve and I finally love my cat.

I realized it yesterday after petting Tig’s little forehead and giving it a kiss while she half-snoozed in a happy cat-ball.

Her expression of perfect contentment filled up my heart and I realized, oh shit, I think I love her.

Like, a little bit.

A flicker of love.

A little flame.

When we brought her home two months ago, she was a wild party child who was literally climbing the walls and acting like an actual cat in all the ways that our beloved special weirdo Flapjack absolutely was not. Tig was a shock to the system after nearly a decade with our Very Special Boy who was weird even for a cat, who are already super weirdos. It was very rare for us to find a friend who “got” why we adored the bizarre entity that was Flapjack, everybody else chalked us up to having Stockholm Syndrome.*

The first month with Tig we felt like we were providing housing to a party teen who’d been kicked out of her parents’ home, this second month she’s been feeling more like our quirky roommate: maybe not someone we’re meant to be a family with, but she’s kind of fun in her own kooky way and we can cohabitate effectively. And then yesterday, there it was. That flicker in my heart.

I guess that’s it then. It’s official.

I love my cat.

A little bit!

A little bit.

Happy New Year’s Eve, my dears.

God only knows what’s in store for us in 2021 and I’m afraid to jinx it by hoping for the new year to be a “better” one than what we’ve just belly-crawled our way through.

I’m really, genuinely, hoping that everyone reading this has some relief and kindness in the coming year.

Ok.

Listen.

To be fucking honest: I’m really scared for the next year. There’s some stuff on the horizon that terrifies me and it takes all of the skills I learned at the mental health hospital and leaning on my friends for support to keep me from spiraling into the bad places that live in my head at all times. Breathe. Just breathe.

So, yeah, I’m scared for 2021.

...But, like I said, I do have a network of people who support me, and I do have all the skills and resources I learned through the mental health programs.

I’m going into the next year with my tools, with support, and with a little bit of new love in my heart.

Here we go.

Good luck ❤️

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*Yes, I know Stockholm Syndrome as we understand it in popular culture is a myth. BUT YOU KNEW WHAT I MEANT WHEN I SAID IT, SO.