At Some Point We’ll Go a Day Without Crying
Added 2020-10-09 18:22:29 +0000 UTCWell, we’ve cried at least once a day since we brought this over-confident bit of a thing home.
Like idiots, we thought waiting a year to bring home a new cat would be enough time to dull down the grief for Flapjack, our sweet (terrible) CatJack, but, well.
I mistook “Growing accustomed to his absence” for “being ready for a new cat” and, oh-ho-ho, is my heart ever paying for my hubris now. Matt knew, though. But he also knew how much I (thought I) needed this, a little creature companion to love and be loved by, so he pushed ahead for my sake. Stupid. How could I be so stupid.
She is delightful.
Within the first day, she clearly had decided that she owns our house, it is hers now. She chirps to greet us and forces us to pet her with headbutts and full-body slams. We are hers now, too; I can see it in her confident, curious eyes.
She is the opposite of Flapjack in every way and she is lovely and we keep breaking down to have a good sob because, I guess, a year later we’re still grieving a cat who was so much more than a cat to us, he was a member of our family and, even all this time later, the hurt is still so raw that he’s gone.
She’s lying at my feet now, completely asleep, with her belly turned up and that cat expression that looks like a smile. Ah! She’s dreaming! Her little lips are jibbering and her whiskers are flinching. She’s so small.
Our house is big and she is small and she owns this place now, just like she owns us. We’ll be her big hairless apes who burst into tears every so often and she’ll be our cat who sees us with her big, self-assured eyes, demanding we shower her with affection. At some point we’ll go a day without crying, and then another, and she’ll become our Tig, she’ll become a part of our heart, our home, our family.
(First tapped out as a “caption” on Instagram)
Comments
The loss never goes away completely. We always felt a little like it was a betrayal to love another cat, but it's not. You'll never not love Flapjack 😿
Jean Jacques Rousseau
2020-10-12 00:34:37 +0000 UTCMy mind is blown right now because my cats are eerily similar to yours. We have a black cat named Pancake (what is it with asshole cats and flat breakfast foods??) who has LOTS OF PERSONALITY (read, "is an asshole") and fortunately for us, she's still with us (despite her best efforts to suffocate on plastic or eat her toys whole) -- and we just recently adopted a kitten, (also a tabby, looks almost exactly like Tig) who is a little noodle of love and affection and trust and snuggles and head-butts and flops and belly rubs. We too are confounded. Fortunately, Maple screams obnoxiously for food so I am not too worried that she is a fake cat. When Pancake had a near death experience I bawled my eyes out for days. Yet Maple assures me that I am not actually a terrible cat caretaker. You really do love them differently. Maple is perfect and I adore her, and she loves anyone, so when Pancake allows me to pet her head exactly three times (four is right out) I know that I am a very special human to Pancake, and that's it's own kind of love.
Cookie
2020-10-09 23:25:57 +0000 UTCWow, what a touching post ... I'm sure quite a bit more time will pass and your pain of loss will pass and this cat will become the most beloved member of your family.
VitAnyaNaked
2020-10-09 21:25:02 +0000 UTCI think I only managed to deal with the loss of Willow because I still have her sister Arwen and I still cry about it. It's hard. Much love to you.
Penny Gotch
2020-10-09 20:41:02 +0000 UTCVery sweet!
Jonathan Frieman
2020-10-09 20:37:41 +0000 UTCWe have a cat who is clearly on his way out. Former feral, who was on the street after a hoarder was evicted across the street from us. We went from one to five cats, more or less overnight, after they left -- the SPCA got a bunch of the cats from the house, but a few were just abandoned, and we've done our best to get them all fixed and then try to make sure they have food and socialization. Unfortunately one of the four cats who has successfully integrated into our family turns out to be very sick -- he's only maybe 2-3 years old, but he has some very bad condition, most likely either lymphoma or feline infectious peritonitis. Not really treatable, either way. It's always hard, but at least he's having a much better last month or two than he would've on the street. :-(
Auros Harman
2020-10-09 20:07:01 +0000 UTCI got Mal and Val almost a year after my sweet Ember passed. They are blessings in my life. I am glad Tig is with you and helping you to process your grief. It's also a fucking pandemic, so give yourself all the grace you need.
Joseph
2020-10-09 19:24:58 +0000 UTCI had a dog in high school that was “my dog”. His name was Max, and I loved him with my whole soul. He died unexpectedly when I was 20 and I made the mistake of trying to listen to music so I could drive to my partners home without driving off the road from sobbing. I still sobbed the whole drive. I can’t listen to those songs any more without crying, even almost 10 years later. All that’s to say– I’ve been there. I know that pain, and I’m sorry. You learn to breathe through it, and roll with it when the grief comes back. (It never goes away all the way.) Tig looks wonderfully sweet, and I’m so glad you and Matt have her! Thank you for sharing!
Lauren5523
2020-10-09 18:30:36 +0000 UTCThere must be something in the air, because over the last week or so I have been heavy with renewed grief for my cat who we had humanely euthanized at the end of January. There are a lot of complicated feelings, but overall I just miss her and feel incredibly guilty that her health declined so quickly. I'm here for ya, in that same boat. Tig is precious though. A precious bean.
Ripley LaCross
2020-10-09 18:30:18 +0000 UTC
