Cycle 5 :Housewife 

“Haa.” I let out a tired sigh. I’m back here again, in this time, on 27 April 2005. I’m tired of the continuous repetition. Maybe it would be better if I died in that accident. But I don’t want to die in such a gruesome way.

“Lily, so are you going to teach me or not? Why the sigh? Who knows, now you’re acting all arrogant with your friend.” Shella asked, pouting.

“Wait, let me see. The way to do it is like this. I’ll do it, and then you ask why it’s like that.” I replied to Shella, lethargic.

“I’m going to class, okay? Sorry, I have to leave you.” I said as I got up.

“Why? There are still 10 minutes left.”

“I have something to attend to,” I answered half-heartedly. With half a run, I returned to my desk while holding back my tears.

After reaching my desk, I quickly sat down, placed my hands on the table, and rested my head on my hands. The usual position as when someone sleeps in class. Then, I cried with the smallest voice possible.

“Good morning, everyone!” Mrs. Elizabeth re-entered my class, and the students responded as usual, except for me, who just rubbed my eyes in silence with a gloomy face.

“Okay, today, I will talk about dreams. What do you all think your dreams might be? Do you want to be a pilot? Singer? Artist? Contractor? Youtuber perhaps?” said Mrs. Elisabeth. The exact same words as she said in my previous memory. After this, Stella will repeat the same mistake about being a contractor. I looked at her with boredom. It has become tedious.

“Okay, calm down, everyone! I will distribute the dream sheets. Now, on this paper, write down your dreams. If you don’t understand the name of your dreams, for example, what does someone do in a workshop fixing other people’s motorcycles or what does someone who gets on a plane and serves food to passengers, you can ask me, okay?” Mrs. Elizabeth gave out the dream sheets again, which I had written multiple times.

“Why, Lilika? Are you feeling unwell? Your face looks so down.” Mrs. Elizabeth asked as she handed me the sheet.

“It’s okay, Teacher,” I replied casually. I’m not sick; I’m just not very energetic today. I’m really exhausted. Understandable, just a few minutes ago, I had just experienced a car accident that almost took my life. Darwin also died tragically in that accident. His mangled corpse still burned in my mind. If I could, I would like to take the day off today. But it’s not possible, right? Can I tell my mom that I can manipulate time back to the past with equipment from the devil?

“All right, here are the sheets. Please work on them until finished and submit them to me immediately.”

“Yes, Teacher,” I replied as briefly as possible. I quickly sat down and started writing down a new dream.

Simple Housewife

I just want to be a housewife. A stable and uncomplicated job. I’ll take care of the house and care for my children without worrying about a work environment. I just want to live peacefully with my beloved family.

After finishing high school, I will find a good husband. Then, I will start building my small family. I don’t want to be rich. A simple and self-sufficient small family that is happy is enough for me. I want to live peacefully without problems.

I don’t need to be successful. The important thing is just to live. No need for grandiose dreams. Even if I get a part-time job besides being a housewife, I don’t want a big job. Just something stable like a civil servant.

I submitted my short aspirations before the bell rang. I wrote that assignment half-heartedly. Then, I returned to sleeping in front of my desk. Mrs. Elizabeth looked annoyed seeing my hastily written work. However, perhaps because she understood I was in a gloomy mood, she didn’t ask me to fix my assignment, nor did she reprimand me.

“Oi. Your face looks so down.” Rara approached me.

“What do you mean? You know it yourself, right?” I replied sarcastically.

“If it were me, I’d be happy. You’ve been saved from a car accident. Imagine if it were someone else. They would have headed to the afterlife.”

“Well, whatever. I am kinda sad right now, and I don’t want to talk to you.” What she said is kind of true. But the problem is, it seems like my future is all gloomy. When I became a singer, I got into an accident, and my face was ruined; when I became a doctor, I went to jail because of malpractice; when I became a businesswoman, I went bankrupt and had a car accident; and when I formed a band, it broke up.

“Well, that’s life for you. It’s not possible for life to be a straight and smooth path without trial. Maybe if you use demonic powers, but that’s a different kind of demonic power, and your soul will be condemned if you do so, that’s cheating. I can’t do that,” she said with a smile.

“Different kind of demonic power?”

“Hmm, if you want money, there’s a demon for that. If you want knowledge, there’s also another demon. If you want love, there’s a demon for that too. Want to summon one of them?” she said innocently. However, the tone of her voice gave me shivers. If I said yes, what would happen?

“Are they free?”

“Of course not. I’m the only one who can offer you this power for free, and it’s only available on that contract. If you ask for others, everything has a price,” she said.

“Is your contract with me really free?” I asked. I was starting to be suspicious of her contract. No demon would give its powers for free.

“As free as it gets.”

“You’re not taking anything? Like my future? I have a feeling that you’re secretly making my life miserable.”

“No. That’s a false accusation. I never tampered with your future at all. Everything is destined,” she said confidently. But I became more suspicious.

“Can our contract be canceled?”

“Basically, I’m giving it to you for free. So, if you want to cancel the contract, just don’t use the watch. Simple, right?” she dodged my question. So, in essence, the contract cannot be canceled. Could it be that I have fallen into the trap of a demon?

“Hmm, you just want to be a housewife? Why did your dreams go down?” Rara took a peek at my essays.

“It’s none of your business. Being a housewife is an important job, you know.” I retorted. But I knew myself that I had already lost my passion for anything.

“Okay then, see you later. I’m going now,” she said lazily. She still had that smile, or was it a smirk that seemed to be plastered on her face.

As usual, Rara left without a trace. The longer it took, the more confused I became about her behavior. If we look at her attitude without considering whether she’s a devil or not, she seems nice, but she doesn’t care. Her usual smile was serene and uncaring. A clear example is when I had a car accident. Why didn’t she help? And I’m still inquisitive about her purpose in giving me this watch. From the beginning, she said it was all free, but if you look at it, my future seems to be getting worse with each round.

While pondering, time passed, and the school bell rang, signaling the end of the day. Today, I barely spoke at all. I even ignored Shella and Elin. I walked home with a weary feeling.

------------16 years later-------

It’s been 16 years since I last met Rara. I still keep the watch she gave me. Now I’m 28 years old. Five years ago, I married Dika. He works as a civil servant in a subdistrict office. It’s a simple job with nothing to boast about. Our life is also simple; we rent a small one-story house in a housing complex.

“So, how much is it?” I asked Mr. Supri, the street vendor I often buy from.

“Twenty dollars, Miss.”

“Here’s the money.” I handed a fifty dollars to Mr. Supri.

“Thank you, Miss.” Mr. Supri gave me the change. Without counting, I headed back home to cook.

“What should I cook today? Maybe chicken soup or curry.” I walked back to the house, murmuring. With a click, I opened the door to my home. It’s still daytime, and it’s pointless to cook now since Dika usually comes home around 7 in the evening. I might as well store it in the fridge. The dishes are washed, and the floor is mopped.

“Hah....” I sighed, feeling bored and lost in thought. In this round, the devil Rara has never visited me once. I’m bored. Since my marriage to Dika, I’ve become a housewife in a small rented house. Our lives were ordinary. This small rental house is easy to maintain. It only had a living room and two bedrooms with a bathroom. I have almost nothing to do here besides washing, mopping, and cooking. If I had children, I wouldn’t be as bored. But it’s been more than 5 years since we got married, and we still haven’t been blessed with children. Maybe I should look for a part-time job?

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!

“Lily, it’s me. Open the door, will you?”

“Yes? Who is it?” I walked towards the knocking sound. From the voice, it seems to be my husband, Dika. It’s unusual for him to come home early like this. What’s going on?

“What’s up, dear? Surprisingly early today.” I asked after opening the door. I smiled and welcomed him.

“Hah! You talk too much. I got fired! Shut it! I’m tired. Tomorrow, I’ll try to find another job!” With anger, my husband slammed the door to his room. I was speechless and could only watch as he slammed the door shut.

My husband got fired. That means I need to find a job soon. But what kind of job can I do? In my previous life, I held a position as a company leader. Despite the company almost going bankrupt, it still survived. I also used to be a singer, although that career didn’t last long.

However, in my current life, I have no experience at all. After graduating from college, I immediately got married. My GPA in college was also mediocre. I almost got kicked out for failing. Where did all my knowledge go from when I was a doctor? Well, I seldom studied, and my major differed from before, so maybe I deserved those grades. Currently, I have no medical degree, so I can’t become a doctor. I don’t know why my motivation to learn became zero in my current life. I prefer to watch television or go to the mall. I didn’t inherit my father’s company, and my father had to find another director.

The batik company my father built also seems to be going through a crisis and is even more undersized now than in my previous life, even after the shareholder feud. Seeing this, I feel a bit satisfied, meaning my ability as a director wasn’t that bad. However, I am merely a housewife now. My current livelihood is my husband’s responsibility. However, if I ask, I’m quite sure my father would give me a job in his batik company. Even though the salary is much smaller than that of a civil servant. Maybe I should suggest this to my husband. At least he could work for a while.

I glance at the wall clock. The hands show 2:00 PM. When I look at a clock, whatever its shape, I immediately think of the pocket watch given by Rara. Unlike the previous rounds, this time, Rara never appeared even when I called her.

Does the power she gave me still work? If that power no longer functions, will I live like this forever? When I remember my ability to turn back time, I recall the letter I wrote to Mrs. Elisabeth, my guidance counselor.

At that time, I was in shock and unable to think clearly due to the car accident in the previous round. I just wrote it haphazardly. I didn’t want anything complicated; I just wanted to live calmly and happily. But am I happy now? My life is peaceful, just as I wished for. I don’t have to think about complicated things, unlike the previous cycle that always demanded hard work from me from morning to night. But am I happy? I should be happy because I don’t have to study hard until night to become a doctor, undergo rigorous training to become an idol, or work from morning to night to lead a company and read reports. But, I don’t know why I feel regret.

“Elin, Shella.” I look at a photo of my childhood friends when I was in sixth grade. Our friendship ended shortly after I graduated from elementary school. We went to different junior high schools, and since then, we haven’t met again. When I recall it, I almost don’t have friends anymore. In junior high, I also no longer had close friends. Just ordinary friends whom I chatted with and were quickly forgotten when I entered high school.

Although in this cycle, I almost never chatted or made conversation with them, I still remember in the previous round, I had a very close relationship with them even after I had jobs and graduated. I also remember Elin, who betrayed me when I became a doctor. When I think back, maybe I was the one at fault? I wish I could return to the first round when I still had a good relationship with Shella and Elin. It feels like no matter how hard the training is, I can still go through it. If only I hadn’t had the accident, I would surely have lived a successful and happy life.

My relationship with my family has also deteriorated. My father seems to blame Dika for my plummeting achievements in college and high school. He seemed very disappointed because I almost didn’t graduate. He blames me for lacking the motivation to study, play continuously, and go out constantly.

RING!

“Father?” I tried to call him. I will try to ask him for a job. We were in a pinch. There is no place for pride. Maybe my father will be angry, but what can I do? This is for the family, for Dika.

“Hello? What’s up, Lilika?”

“Um, Dad, I want to ask, is there a suitable job for Dika in your company?” I ask.

“You know the company is in trouble, right? It’s all because you married someone like him. Dad never liked him from the beginning. It’s better if you just divorce him. Working as a civil servant was the most relaxed and stable job in the world, and he still managed to get fired? That husband of yours is useless.” My father scolded me harshly.

“I am sorry. But if this continues, we won’t have anything to eat in several months.”

“Okay, in that case, Dad has a job. But don’t expect a luxurious job, okay? If it’s just being an office boy or driver, I can arrange a job for your husband. It’s tough employing him with his education level. His grades are just mediocre, right? Eh, wait, have you told your husband yet? Is this your request or his?”

“Not yet. I haven’t asked Him.”

“Why are you even wasting time asking me if you haven’t talked to your husband? What if he doesn’t want to work with me? Why are you so indecisive now? You were smart in elementary school, but now you’re like this?” My father continued scolding me.

“You talk to your husband first. Then talk to me later!” After that, my father hung up rudely. It seemed like I was no longer important in his eyes. I feel regret knowing I have disappointed him again.

---------------2 months later------------

“Honey,” I knocked on his bedroom door and entered.

“What’s up?”

“Honey, we haven’t paid the electricity bill yet.”

“Don’t we still have savings?”

“We do, dear. But you haven’t found a job yet. Our savings are running out. What about next month?”

“I’m still trying. Look at my job applications yourself. I know I’m not a competent husband. Just a high school graduate with mediocre grades. It’s hard to find a job, especially in a city like Jakarta.”

“Dear, in that case, try working at my dad’s batik company. He said there’s a job for you. It might be just as an office boy or a driver. But at least you’ll have a job.”

“No! I already said I don’t want to. Your dad just wants to insult me! Just because he’s rich and educated doesn’t mean he can do whatever he wants! Anyway, even if the world turns upside down, I won’t work there! I’m going to try finding a job again!” With a shout, my husband left. 

When will they ever get along? If only my dad hadn’t insulted him when he proposed to me. My husband’s pride is too high. They’ve been fighting for five years. Isn’t that exhausting? My dad didn’t mean any harm. He just wanted to know my husband’s ability to support the family in the future, and hasn’t my dad’s intuition been right all along?

“What am I going to do?” Our savings are almost depleted. In this situation, maybe I should look for a part-time job? But what kind of job can I do? Is there a job that I can take up?

RING!!

“Hello,” I called my dad. Maybe I can get a job from him. Being a secretary or a lower-positioned employee is fine. After all, it’s my dad’s company, and once my husband gets a job, I can quit. I won’t have to go through complicated selections. I won’t have to show that embarrassing diploma of mine.

“Hello? How is it? Is Dika interested?”

“Um... he doesn’t want to, Dad.”

“So, has he found a job now? What is the job?”

“Well... until now, Dika hasn’t found a job, Dad. How about if I work in your company?”

“Huh? So, he’s still unemployed until now? What kind of guy is he? It’s better if you just come back home.”

“Well... so, Dad, can I work in your company? Because if I don’t work, there won’t be enough money for next month’s expenses.”

“Okay. Come to the company next week. I’ll give you a job. But don’t expect a high salary. The company is facing difficulties.” My dad then hung up the phone in annoyance. I’m sorry, Dad. I always make things difficult for you. I don’t know why everything in this life of mine always ended up in failure.

“Hello, Lily! I’m home!” My husband, Dika, returned with joy. Perhaps he has finally secured a job? If that’s the case, I won’t need to work for my father anymore.

“What’s up, dear? You seem thrilled today. Did you get a job?” I responded with a smile.

“No, I haven’t found a job yet. But that’s not important. Listen, I was commissioned as a middleman for my friend in selling land. And guess what? The land was sold for 2 million dollars. The big boss has already paid the money to me. Since he’s in a hurry to go abroad, he entrusted the money to me to handle all the administrative matters for changing the ownership.” Dika spoke proudly while showcasing the suitcase he had brought into the living room.

“Then? Isn’t that your friend’s money, Honey?” I asked, puzzled. Why was Dika so thrilled with someone else’s money?

“Oh, come on. I’m the broker, so I get a commission, of course! My friend gave me a 3% commission, making it a total of 60 thousand dollars. I also got another 40 thousand dollars in commission from the big boss because I had to handle the land deed and ownership transfer. In total, it’s 100 thousand dollars, Lily! We don’t need to worry about finding a job anymore. We can start our own business, open a small shop, or something like that. We can think about that later.” Dika exclaimed joyfully. Seeing his elated expression, I couldn’t help but share his joy. With this, I won’t have to work for my father anymore. Happily, I embraced Dika.

“Sorry if I’ve made things difficult for you in the past two months. I also apologize that you had to ask my dad for a job. But now you don’t need to worry anymore. With this money, we can have our own company, Lily!” Dika said, hugging me warmly. Happiness seemed to return to me.

“It’s okay. This is just a trial of life, and you have overcome it..” I replied, returning his embrace and giving him a sweet kiss.

“Okay, let’s celebrate now. Today, I’ll cook something delicious. I’ve called my friend; she’ll come tomorrow to pick up the money. To keep it safe, I’ll put it in our room. I must also prepare for the administrative process to change the land owner’s name.” Dika went to his room with a big smile.

“Alright, as per My dear husband’s request, today I’ll cook something delicious,” I mumbled as I went to the kitchen. All the problems felt like they were floating away from my mind.

----------------Two Days Later-----------

The joyful feeling of Dika’s success still enveloped me even though the day had turned. Like a child waiting for their parents to bring a new toy, I stayed with a smile in the living room inside the house. Dika had left since morning to take care of the administrative matters for changing the company’s name. He had called me earlier, instructing me to ask his friend named Eko to wait in the living room until he arrived.

I hoped for Dika’s quick return. A growing sense of anxiety started to haunt me because I was alone at home with 2 million dollars. What if there were robbers or thieves? The sun had begun to rise, and Dika’s friend had yet to show up. Dika himself seemed to be stuck in never-ending administrative matters.

RING!

The doorbell rang. Quickly, I opened the door to see who it was. A well-dressed person in a checkered shirt and long trousers greeted me.

“Good afternoon. May I speak with Mrs. Lily?”

“Yes, I am. What can I help you with?”

“Uh… I am a friend of Mr. Dika. I’ve come to collect the money he brought yesterday,” he said politely.

“Oh, Mr. Eko, right?” I immediately smiled in relief.

“Yes,” he replied, returning my smile.

“Please come in.” I politely invited him inside.

“Um... I’m sorry, but I’m in a hurry, ma’am. If possible, I just want to come here to collect the money.”

“Eh? Why is that? Please come in and have some tea.”

“Actually, I don’t want to sell the land, but because my wife is currently hospitalized, I was forced to sell the land. Her surgery is scheduled for tonight, so I have to pay for it now. I apologize if I seem impolite, but I need the money now, ma’am,” he said somewhat insistently.

“That land is actually an inheritance from my parents. If my wife didn’t suffer from cancer and needed surgery, I wouldn’t want to sell the land. If they didn’t operate on her right now, my wife’s life could be in danger. Then, it would be pointless for me to sell the land; it’s better to cancel it,” he said while holding back tears. Remembering my experience as a doctor, I know that some hospitals indeed have such conditions. If the patients didn’t have enough money, they halted the surgery until the bill was paid.

“O-okay. Please be patient, sir. I’ll get the money. Please wait here for a moment.”

“Thank you, ma’am. I actually wanted to come here with Dika to make it more convincing, but Mr. Dika seems to be busy with other matters, so I came alone,” he said while holding back tears. I immediately went to the room and took the suitcase containing the money.

“Here, sir, the money. I hope your wife gets well soon,” I said while handing over the money that Dika had entrusted to me.

“Thank you, ma’am. With this, hopefully, my wife can undergo the surgery quickly and recover,” he said while quickly leaving the house and walking away.

Two hours later, as the day began to turn into evening, Dika finally returned home with another man. Could this be the boss who wanted to buy the land? According to Dika, he went abroad. He didn’t look like a boss from a foreign land, though.

“Come in. Lilika! Please make some tea,” said Dika. As requested, I went in and made tea, along with some pieces of cookies.

“I’m delighted that the land could be sold so quickly with your help. And it was sold for quite a sum, too.”

“It’s just a coincidence. A blessing from Almighty God. Hahaha.”

“So, when will the payment be made?”

“Oh. It’s already settled. The boss already paid me. Wait a moment, Lilika!”

“Yes?”

“Please get the money for Mr. Eko here that I put in our room yesterday.”

“Eh? Didn’t Mr. Eko come to take the money two hours ago? I answered in surprise. Upon hearing Dika asking me to get the money that should have been taken this afternoon, my heart seemed to stop beating.

“Hah? Mr. Eko is here now. What are you talking about? Since this afternoon, Mr. Eko followed up together with me to the National Land Agency Office,” said Dika. His face immediately changed to a worried expression.

“But... but... you said that if Mr. Eko came, I should give him the money.” I tried to defend myself. A mixture of anxiety, fear, and worry began to fill my body.

“Wait... let’s calm down first. Mr. Eko, according to my wife, you’ve already taken the money. Could you perhaps check again in case one of your staff took it.” Dika took a deep breath, trying to calm himself while attempting to reason.

“There is no way I would ask my assistant to take 2 million dollars! What if it’s stolen?” He shattered all hopes. “Anyway, if there’s no money, the land won’t be sold. Find the money! I’ll wait for confirmation.” Mr. Eko left with a sullen face. He was irritated.

“Why didn’t you contact me if someone wanted to take the money?” Dika asked, seemingly blaming everything on me.

“But... I tried to contact you, but there was no answer. Then... he said that his wife was sick and needed surgery right away. And... he also threatened to cancel the sale if his wife wasn’t permitted to have surgery today...” I replied while sobbing.

“Mr. Eko’s wife died 5 years ago! Now, let’s go to the police immediately.” Dika shouted As he despaired. It was clear that I was scammed.

With tears streaming down, I tried to explain what had happened and also provided the characteristics of the fraudster who had deceived me to the on-duty police. Dika couldn’t hold back his tears as he panicked and despaired. I tried to explain what had happened. Seeing this, I felt hopeless. I couldn’t contain the overflowing tears from my eyes.

----------------------2 weeks later-----------------

As the days passed, my hope dwindled. The police had tried to find the fraudster without success. It seemed that the scammer lived around Mr. Eko’s land. He knew that the land had been sold and thus planned to steal the money from Dika. He is now on the run. The worst case scenario was that he had fled abroad as the police couldn’t find him in his house. My husband, Dika, became depressed and continues to blame me for this incident. I couldn’t do anything because it was my own foolishness that led Dika to be deceived. My father couldn’t lend 2 billion considering his struggling company.

After three weeks, the boss who bought the land returned from abroad. Without further delay, the boss immediately called the police and had Dika arrested. I, being the most guilty party, escaped from all punishment because everything was Dika’s responsibility. Dika’s gaze, the last time he looked at me before being put into the police car to be taken to jail, felt so painful. A look filled with accusation and hatred.

“Forgive me...” I stared at our wedding photo, which had now become a thing of the past. My eyes welled up again as I remembered this time, and when I recalled Dika’s last gaze, I couldn’t help but cry.

On the table, I saw a knife that I usually use to peel fruit. Seeing the knife, a dark idea crossed my mind. With trembling hands, I reached out, trying to grab it. Slowly, my fingertips approached the knife. My sanity had gone somewhere, and I was only thinking about how to use the knife to cut my veins. I often used this knife to cut meat, but, of course, I had never used it on a person. My fingertips were now gripping the knife. I just needed to point the knife at my arm, and everything would end.

TUK!

I released my grip, shocked. I saw a little girl in a black dress, someone I had often seen in a previous life but not in this one. She placed a round object, something that was very familiar to me. After more than sixteen years, I finally met this cursed object again. A watch that gave me the ability to relive life back to childhood.

I stared at the devil whose name I had almost forgotten. Devil Rara, why have you come at a time like this? Where have you been for the past 16 years? Why did you stop me from killing myself? Aren’t you satisfied? Satisfied with taking away all my happiness? All my future?

“I didn’t come to stop you. Just to ensure that you still have the power I promised before. Anywhere and anytime,” Rara looked at me. This time, she didn’t smile. She just stared at me with an empty gaze as if mocking me. A gaze that seemed to see something worthless. As if looking at trash.

“To hell with you and your power! This is all your doing! You’re the one who ruined my future, right!? Now I’m suffering! I’m about to kill myself and go to hell! Happy? Satisfied? Why aren’t you laughing? Hah? Come on, answer!” I threw the knife on the table directly at Rara’s face, but the knife only passed through her face without hurting her at all. Of course, if a knife could kill a devil, the holy scriptures wouldn’t label them as enemies of all mankind.

“Slander is crueler than murder. Of course, that only applies to humans. Since I am no longer human, I don’t care about what you say. Keep cursing to your heart’s content,” Rara disappeared after handing me her pocket watch, still with her empty gaze and mocking smile.

After Rara disappeared, I picked up and placed the knife I had thrown back on the table. Now, on the table, there was a knife and a pocket watch. That cursed devil deliberately left her pocket watch there. Ruining this pocket watch was also pointless; I just needed to ask, and Rara would immediately provide a replacement. This cursed power, I should have rejected it back then.

Now that the watch is next to the knife, I lost my chance to end all this suffering. Reluctantly, I opened the watch and looked again at today’s date and the unchangeable date: 27 April 2005. I have repeated this suffering 5 times; how many decades have I spent on this torment?

As my fingers held the button to turn back time, they felt heavy. In the next cycle of life, will I suffer more than this? Did Rara deceive me? Why did she give me this power? Why did all of this happen? I never made any contracts. Rara never asked for anything. Did I make a mistake in using this watch in the first place? Just because of using this watch?

Finally, I forced my fingers to press the button to turn back time. My consciousness was thrown back into the space of time. However, this time, there was no one here. I was alone, staring into emptiness. I wanted to talk to Rara. I wanted to ask her if all of this was in vain? What is the purpose of that devil? I’ve asked many times, but the answer remains the same. She came just to watch. When I thought about it more, it was true; she only watched. She never gave advice or told me to do anything. Was it all just for her entertainment? However, she seemed dissatisfied when I was about to commit suicide. How long does she want to witness my suffering? How many decades have I lived this repetitive life? If measured from the beginning, I might have lived over 60 years old. I should have been a grandmother by now, cradling grandchildren and living peacefully. Will a peaceful life never happen to me? God, if you exist, why don’t you help me? What should I do to escape from this misery?