Merry Christmas and End of Year Message

Merry Christmas everyone,

it's the 24th December in Germany right now, and that's the day the main christmas celebration starts for us over here. Those of you that have been with me last year around this time might remember that I like to do a recap of the past year, to kind of go back and reflect on the journey, so I figured I would do the same thing again in 2023!

Honestly, the year started so rough for me. When 2022 ended I had all these goals and plans and ambitions that I wanted to fulfill and work on, and then in January I got hit by a weird kind of artblock-y situation, where no illustration came out the way I envisioned it. It really annoyed me and sapped a lot of my motivation away to work on certain artworks I had in mind prior. Also, I had just taken on a buttload of commission work that I now felt I didn't really have the mindset for, but that had to get done.

Then, icing was put on top of the cake and I got the message that I wouldn't get a table for DoKomi 2023 and at that point it kinda felt like my year was already gone and done with in just the first like 3 weeks.

Now, usually my approach and my mindset is that I always try to look at myself and reflect back at what I personally could have done differently and better about any given situation. And I don't mean this in a detrimental way of "oh Bene, you're so shit you should be better", but in a really constructive way, where I try to improve my craft, improve on my weaknesses and just try and become a better version of myself for the future.

This tremendously helped me over the years, as it prevents me from falling to the despairs that sometimes social media, the internet or society tries and gets you to fall into. I don't try to find a fault in the algorithm, I try to find the fault in my artwork, the posting time, the composition, the texts or the hashtags. I do this so I can be the one that is in control, I can be the one that can enact the change I want to see. I do this so I don't feel hopeless and out of control of things. If the call to action lies with me as a first line of defense, then it also means that whatever future I can envision I can work towards.

When the DoKomi rejection came this system failed though. While I was kind of reliefed in a sense, because conventions are still super scary for me, I was also disappointed, because with the artblock on top, in that situation I just felt like a failure that was rejected by the artworld and that now I would never get a chance to connect with the people I wanted to connect with.

I was maybe a bit mopy for a while, but I continued working, trying to find out what was in the way of me finding me success with what I did. It's always a bit of a weird thing to say, because there is this romanticised idea that you should only do art for the mental and emotional fulfillment, but at the end of the day it's my full time job and income, so I felt I owed it to myself and my family to try and figure out how I can be more successful so I can provide for them better and be more stable.

Patreon, and in conclusion you guys, helped so much with that. Patreon is probably one of the best things I've ever experienced, and opening one back in the day was one of the best decisions of my life period. It gave me so much structure, and so much feedback that the before mentioned self-reflection was made so much more enjoyable, because it didn't feel like just screaming into an empty cave.

And over the course of 2023 Patreon grew and grew, more members joined the community and the Discord, and slowly but surely I got my groove back. And then everything happened at once. Or at least it felt that way.

In April I got a message that I got a table at DoKomi after all, by being chosen from the waitlist. To say this was surprising to me would be an understatement, because I deliberately didn't put myself on the waitlist, since I was super scared of not getting a table through it, and basically having to go through the rejection twice.

Now I had the table, but I didn't account to go to any cons anymore after getting rejected in January, so I neither really had the funds to pay for everything, nor did I prepare for it. The time from April to the end of June was full of me trying to get the Patreon rewards done, and then work on stuff for the con. Buying all the equipment for the booth, the merchandise, the hotel, the travel cost and the booth itself was a huge financial commitment, but I really wanted to try and give DoKomi a go, I always dreamed of going there.

In the end, DoKomi came and went way too quickly. It was one of the most enjoyable weekends of my entire life, that gave me the chance to meet so many amazing people, be it the fans, other artists or the staff on location. I really miss it quite regularly, and almost no experience can compare to it. Applying again was a no brainer.

On top of that I got the fantastic chance to provide an artwork for one of the voice actors for Honkai Star Rail at around the same time, which was the first time I ever got to work with a voice actor in the first place. I had the chance to get a signed print of them, which is now on my wall and I treasure it dearly.

And then the big change happened. Baldur's Gate 3 released, and I learned what a life changing event can be. To be honesty, I didn't really have the game on my radar, simply due to the fact that, usually, I don't enjoy turn based combat as much and that I hadn't played the first 2 games of the franchise. When people started playing it and talking about it I got interested though, and due to the kindness of one of our very own Patreon members who gifted me the game I got to play it.

What a ride that game is. I don't need to tell you all about it, go play it if you haven't and generally like fantasy stuff, it's such a fun game! Naturally I had to sit down and draw characters from the game, and Shadowheart seemed like such a natural choice, because I love drawing elves.

The Shadowheart Strip Game I did on Twitter absolutely, massively blew up my Twitter/X account, and got a lot of attention on Patreon too. I was absolutely overwhelmed with the positive response I was getting, and downright scared of what had happened.

The rest is history.

The support that has been going my way since than has been unreal, and I can't thank all of you enough for supporting me through all the days and weeks since then. Baldur's Gate 3 has been a life changing experience for me, as it was the first time I got that much feedback on my art and I feel it helped me improve on many levels. 

I got to meet such great people, got to draw such fun pieces and enjoy it all with all of you, I couldn't ask for more! 

Now, 2024 is upon us and that means it's time to plan and think ahead what I want to do with that year for my career, my hobbies and my life. 

Career wise I definitely want to attend more conventions and grow Patreon. Will it be a growth year, or an improvement year? Maybe both? It will be exciting to find out! I hope you will be along for the journey. 

There is some projects I'd like to work on in the coming month, including opening an online shop and overhaul my entire online presence, and ultimately work on an artbook, but all things are very much in a planning phase right now. 

As always, I'll do my best and work my hardest to make you all proud, and I'm looking forward to a fantastic year 2024 with all of you!