Shelter In Place On Haunted Hill

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. I do think we'll see more of Heath, but I'm not quite sure how. I also feel that if I try to write a novella, it'll go full novel by the end. I planned Shelter as a 35000 word story and only managed to keep it down to 66000 words. I'll be posting it publicly chapter by chapter, I'll go through each and make sure all of the Tabitha's are Tabitha. P.S. I kinda felt I was late getting a COVID story out, because there was a big dead zone of writing in it due to COVID circumstances. Still, happy to have it written.

Neal Johnstone

Damn, thanks for that man. If you wanna know how good your work was: Well, i read the majority of it in a tiny, tiny script my phone would give out the pdf. Luckily i could finish the last chapter on the big screen. Great work! And as if to dispute my earlier critism of your weak endings, this one is pretty darn good. Granted it at times felt a bit rushed, but it was also a pretty nifty way to get really describing the origins or dimensions of Heath powers. Really nice work, if i may say so :D I hope to see a return of Heath somewhere in the future. Perhaps in a novella about wrecking havoc on campus? *nudge* On a minor correction note: You have done the thing where you have swapped names for characters during a scene several times. Perhaps other more mindfull patreons can list some page numbers, but it really happened in the higher one-digits number for sure. Usually it was pretty obvious, but sometimes a bit less clear. P.s.: Also congrats on being part of the first wave of post-COVID authors (together with a weirdly high number of other erotica authors). So yeah, you are literally writing history here :D

Corrected for clarity's sake. I've seen black girls referred to as having caramel skin before but it was ambiguous. It's better to start specific and get fuzzier with time. than the other way around. Thanks.

Neal Johnstone

Regarding Uly. At the beginning she is described as being caramel skinned. Then out of no where she is described as being black in chapter 4 or 5. I was picturing Latina/Mediterranean. You need to be more clear with her physical description at the beginning.

Nick Cartwright

I turned commenting privileges on in the big document. If you want to mark any notes, (alt+ ctrl+ M) I'd be incredibly thankful.

Neal Johnstone

Seeing as this an already completed work, would you care for me to go through and comment my regular nitpicks and corrections (nitpicks corrected to nitpucks for some reason)? I wasn't planning on doing them at all but clearly I have an issue with self-restraint. Given the length of the story though, and there being little reason to go chapter by chapter, I wouldn't want to do all that for naught (though, given my previously mentioned lack of self-restraint and my penchant for poor time management, I may end up bored and do it even if you have no interest).

That is the best description of Haliweentown since The Barenaked Ladies Hello City.

Neal Johnstone

Barely started reading and "Every street in this frozen hellhole of a city was a fucking hill!" is simultaneously the truest statement in this story and the one that makes me angriest.

Kraft Dinner is a much better name and I will go to war with you on this. The Wikipedia page uses the name Kraft Dinner (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kraft_Dinner) unless there's regional differences my VPN doesn't detect for whatever reason, and at the very least we can meet in the middle and say it's better than the UK's fuckin' Cheesey Pasta.

You damn Canadians and your damn Kraft dinner. It’s mac & cheese goddamnit!🤬

Nick Cartwright