im hurt

Hi, i want to make this post to talk about my current situation involved this patreon and some changes as well.

thank you so much for your support

I appreciated everyone's supports for subscribing to me and i found comfort in this small community, every little bit helped me a lot financially. My goal when i open patreon is to buy a pc and a drawing tablet and also a desk and a chair so i can draw in a better environment and reach my goals in drawing animations and bigger projects. I'm thankful for every supports you all are giving me but apparently there is or are some didn't subscribed my patreon with good intentions.

my patreon is being illegally shared out for free on a website

someone with tier 20$ is posting my benefits out in public for free, the website doesn't have age verification and very much illegal so i wont mention the name of the site.

I also received spam troll emails about it and its like im being threaten all over again just like on twitter.

im mentally and physically not okay

i don't usually share my personal information but i want to speak up about myself if you care to know what im going through at the same time maybe solve some questions or confusions on how im so inactive.

on August a lot of things happened to me in a short period of time,

On twitter, i have been receiving death threats, people are reposting and claiming they drew my arts (basically stealing my arts/impersonating me), and i felt disrespected as a person and an artist. I didnt feel safe on twitter and considered leaving the fandom but even though i still want to keep drawing and making sonadow contents because they brings me joys and im very passionate about them. I want to take it seriously and an important part of my life at least currently.

on September i decided to delete twitter and maybe just a break so my mental health can be heal, after all i cant control people. I saw patreon as a safe small place and always have been, to share my works and feelings since i received cares and supports.

But it is also the same month i found out im sick, i have a tumor.

I found out about it after i had a health checkup at the end of august, i know this is very personal but it is related on how i draw. The cause of the tumor was because i sit too long each day (i used to sit 8 hours per day to draw so my contents could be consistent, i have been doing it nonstop for 2 years ), stress, dehydrations and basically my life style. Thankfully my tumor was on an early stage so currently im trying to be healthier and diligent on my medications. Even so im really stressed because i could get cancer from the tumor if im not careful.

I dont want to use this as an excuse, but ive been drawing slower since i changed my habit and do other things daily now. I still draw as much as i can and put as much efforts into them.

It hurts me a lot that after stressed out about twitter, but now im also stressed about patreon, a smaller community through a paywall. I would never thought someone would do this to me and i cant understand why would you pay 20$ per month and have the time to even post my privacy out in public. If you know its wrong then why would you still do it?

overall, im just going through a lot mentally and physically, im struggling with parents issues and financial things as well.

im still drawing and i think i will still post on my patreon, i wish whoever is hurting and doing this to me please stop. I dont want my nsfw to be in public and im in alot of pain because of this.

even with discord i dont think its safe since the site can also post all the private channels publicly and really im just so tired about everything and i kept wondering if its even worth it for me to keep drawing and work with patreon. I spent my times and efforts and love into my arts to the point i felt sick but i received disrespect like this. But for now im still making patreon benefits, maybe at least until i got my pc and drawing tablet so i can start working on other platforms like youtube animations and such. I will probably stop drawing nsfw by that time.

If you guys have any ideas or solutions that i could use to prevent things like this please let me know, you are free to dm me if you are more comfortable.

again, at the end of the day i cant control things like this and it sucks, its affecting my health a lot but i will try my best to accept it and keep chasing my goals.

Subscribing to me or use pirated and illegal sites for my benefits its up to you but i would really appreciated if you could support me instead of using the sites or support reposters. I understand if my tiers are too expensive for you.

I just want to make this post so you can know my situation, and well im not in my best shape. I dont know if this will also affect on the quality of my arts but im going to try my best to heal myself with all of this obstacles. Again, i really appreciate everyone's supports and im very thankful for the ones that stood up for me and even comfort/talk to me sometimes and make me feel safe and loved.

I also deleted all of my posts on patreon because i panicked and felt sick, at the time i felt like deleting everything would make me feel better. I apologize and if i feel better in the future i will try my best to repost everything but i need some time for myself and i hope you can understand. If anything please dont feel afraid to ask me for the benefits like psd files of specific arts and stuff. Im going to still post new benefits soon for your subscription but its going to be in my patreon discord server, im going to try my best.