Spiritual Ascension Online (SAO AU - SI Quartet) - Chapter 7

 Launch Day Part 7

“Jeez, where is that fucking cretin?” 

Imya hummed in absentminded agreement as he swiped the wallet of a passing NPC… twenty-five euros. Not much, but despite BloodRose’s egging, he refrained from poking at passing players. Sure, even with starting gear and whatever the tutorials would give them they shouldn’t have too much problem getting off the ground even if he did swipe that starting thousand… but it did feel unnecessarily assholish. 

His fellow Dark Elf player, who managed to finagle the chargen into their race’s equivalent of a tomboy, what with pale skin and red hair, was spending her time matching his menace by fucking around with Capture skill. Both of them were being supervised by Chrysalis who just stood behind them, silent and expressionless. Imya was guessing that they were being the main source of entertainment for Nefertiti’s stream while the Vtuber sat at the table for outdoor cafe conducting an improvised interview with the third (fourth?) member of their party.

Schmitt, an almost generic dwarf if not for his extremely bold decision to forego a beard entirely, was an indie game journalist and something of an Argus Interactive veteran player, having thoroughly checked out their previous games. He wasn’t really part of Nefertiti Hotep’s fandom but apparently her SAO glaze streams picked his interest from amongst a multitude of Beta Testers enough to ask for a partnership.

“RoyalFang has been more enthusiastic about our Black Pharaoh than her offer to enjoy SAO together with her fans.” Imya tried to strike up a conversation during a lull in traffic through their part of the Notre-Dame’s wall. BloodRose just snorted.

“Grade-A simp, true.” The woman sneered before giving him a softer, coy smile. “Not that you are not completely whipped too, but at least you can think of other things.”

“Is that what we’re calling our Pharaoh’s various assets these days?” He wondered idly and got a dart of fire to his leg for his trouble. Yet, how curious, BloodRose was refusing to look at him. “But yeah, if not for Nefer, I’d probably plink away at Aincrad or just fuck around in Alfheim.”

“Not GGO?”

“Across all the games possible, my aim remains atrocious.” He admitted without shame. “Also, the chance I would have to traumatise some poor thirteen year old by showing my ass in a skirt.”

“Haha, don't worry, BlueOni!” Both of them jerked up at the approaching Schmitt. The man was smiling wide, though the tick to the corner of his eye showed how much of that was just his professional pride refusing to break the mask in front of the audience. The man turned around and unceremoniously dropped to the ground with a groan. “System assist in Argus games would ensure you would be, at minimum, comfortably competent.” 

“I’ll take my chances with trying not to blow you guys up.” Sighing, he patted the shadowed steps between him and Rosalia which Schmitt took, unceremoniously dropping to the ground with a clatter of his heavy armour. “They that good? I grabbed a first-gen NerveGear when it went on sale and got a couple hours of fucking around in Project Aincrad to get used to FullDive.”

“From what Nefer said, they have improved significantly since PA.” Schmitt nodded. “They were way overtuned back in Aincrad. It was actually pretty hard to intuitively enter the correct stance for the assist to trigger, and once you got into the habit, trying to freeform was a nightmare since you instinctively took forms that would trigger follow-up Arts.”

“Then you got the Cardinal's precursor in Alfheim with its magic system.” Chrysalis piped in from where the man was leaning against the crevice. “They were trying to tie in Medicuboid’s advancements in FullDive there by tying casting to a real world language. As it turns out, if you knew the language, you could break the spellcasting over your knee.”

“By the way, where did our Dark Lady go?” Imya asked, looking around to find precisely zero of his favourite VTuber in the vicinity.

“RoyalFang just shot Hotep a message, he’s finally ready.” The moderator’s smile was the epitome of bland and cold. As a veteran of retail, Imya could only approve of the bloodlust it must have been hiding. “She decided to just grab him personally to make sure he won’t get side tracked like Rose was.” The woman was completely unapologetic, smirking as she gave him a burning thumbs up. “What a waste.”

“You’re preaching to the choir.” BloodRose murmured as she conjured another ball of fire and started playing with it. Imya had to admit, the fire reflected in fascinating ways in her blood-red eyes.

“At least it’s a useless fan, not a pretentious stalker misinformed about what FullDive can do.” Schmitt shook his head. “And hey, look at the bright side. Knowing Nefertiti, it means you will get a second date as an apology.” The man chortled, slapping both Imya and BloodRose across their backs.

“Watch it!” The woman hissed, having almost fallen head first into her fire. That would have been an embarrassing way to die on the first day.

“Sounds like a story.” Imya himself prodded, hoping to get a story out of the wait at least.

“Hahaha! Indeed. Alright, so you may have heard about my game review channel, right? Piece of Schmitt Games?” The dwarf laughed and completely ignored BR’s reaction.

“I can’t believe you would call it that.” BloodRose groaned. Imya had to smile weakly at the name too.

“Certainly a unique name. I believe that kind of humour is why Hotep was willing to bend her own rules and increase the party size by one.” Chrysalis added mildly. Huh, now that he thought about it, he didn’t think Nefetiti’s mod would be part of the raffle.

“What can I say, it’s a gimmick like any other.” Schmitt shrugged as he leaned back. “Anyway, this one guy started sending me some really creative death threats after I gave Pokemon Toffee and Caramel a five out of ten.”

“It really wasn’t an impressive Pokemon game.” Chrysalis agreed, while Imya just shrugged. He was never part of that particular fandom, existing mainly on the fringe due to some internet acquaintances being way more into it. Also memes. Couldn’t forget the memes. BloodRose didn’t seem as invested in the games’ honour either.

“I would’ve probably gotten into way bigger trouble had it been before the last few lawsuits Nintendo flung at games people gave a shit about. Anyway, the guy heard I would be checking out Project Aincrad and Alfheim. Now, he couldn’t exactly get me in PA, the way its multi works just didn’t allow it. Alfheim though? Credit where credit is due, he managed to find out my account and locate me.”

“Your handle is the same as the name of your channel.” BloodRose grit. 

“You would be surprised. Anyway, since he watched my Aincrad review, he knew FullDive transmits your sensations directly to the brain. I didn’t go into technical details because, frankly, FullDive is a goddamn magic, but somehow, the crazy guy figured out if he hurt me hard enough for long enough in the game, it would actually fuck up my real body.”

“Somehow, I am guessing you are not, in fact, a scarred cripple in realspace.” Imya chanced a deadpan guess, getting rewarded with Schmitt’s boisterous laughter.

“Even if it did work like that, I don’t think he thought too hard how the confrontation between FullDive noob and a guy who tried to go in-depth into the FD games’ systems work would go.” The journo chuckled darkly, “Never heard from Johnny Black ever again, but hey, he still got a contribution to my review of Alfheim’s PvP.” Schmitt finished with cheerful wistfulness.

“Nice.” BloodRose commented, looking at Schmitt with a new appreciation.

“And now I’ll get to credit Oni here when it comes time to review SAO’s procedurally generated systems!” Schmitt obliviously cheered, clapping Imya on the shoulder again. “Good work, bud. Seeing Cardinal generate a new skill for Nefer after she succeeded in acting the way of a job tutor was great.”

“You’re welcome.” He murmured bashfully, gaze fixated on the pavement.

“Ah, here they come.” Chrysalis warned them.

RoyalFang appeared to be playing as a short, stocky human with the spiky hairdo that even to Imya’s non-confrontational nature screamed ‘douchebag’. Or maybe it was the way even Nefertiti’s smile had an exhausted edge to it. 

“Finally!” BloodRose groaned as she stood up, dusting her knees. “What took you so long?!”

“Oh c’moooon, gimme a break, lady.” The man whined, holding his hands up. “D’you know how much pain in the ass setting up NerveGear even is?”

BloodRose froze, mouth set into a thin line and a hand covering half her face as her fingers pressed into her forehead. Imya was commiserating immensely given the implications, “Seriously? You were waiting with installation until Launch Day?!”

“What? Of course not! What kind of idiot do you take me for?!” Fang defended himself, glaring BloodRose defiantly in the face. “Got that done the moment I won Our Dark Lady’s raffle! Just had to wrestle with the blasted thing to do the calibration.”

“I do not have words.” BR bit out. Imya did have words. Several of them, in fact, none of them flattering. “Did you seriously not even calibrate your NerveGear to your empty fucking skull before putting it on and booting the game?” Wow, son SAO was capable of rendering blood flow given how red Royal was getting.

“Skill issue.” Schmitt muttered quietly next to them and Imya had to stifle a laugh.

“Now, now, my sweet little Cultists~.” Nefertiti stepped in, one hand on RoyalFang’s shoulder, the other held in front of the rest of them, her smile smoothing a little bit back into her customary tease. Imya just couldn’t say no to that sly look. And, judging by the way RoyalFang’s chest deflated, neither could he. Asshole had some semblance of taste. “Remember that while in the game, for immersion we use names instead of handles.”

“Easy for you to say, Hotep, you are just using your Vtuber name.” Chrysalis pointed out blandly. 

The dark skinned woman just shrugged before steamrolling right on, “Anyway, we wasted plenty of time, so let’s go~! Gonna take you to Bois, there’s a boss there that drops decent enough items for newbies and I think any of you could find them useful.”

“Her, Rose.” Imya nudged the woman in question as they all got the pings that invited them into their rapidly forming party. The woman gave him a side glance while she kept focusing on Nefertiti’s words. “Since Nefertiti grabbed him pretty much on spawn, do you think Royal even has skills?”

“Motherfu-!”

_______________________________________________________________

It was a long way towards Bois de Boulogne, a good ten kilometres from Ile-de-la-Cite. At least with the addition of magic and the integration of non-human aesthetics to it, Kana didn't need to worry about Paris Syndrome. Eiffel Tower dominated the sky, a massive, majestic pillar of steel wrapped in the glow of some sort of magical vine which bloomed with flowers massive enough to be seen even from a great distance. Crystals sealed the interior of the structure in a way that reflected the light into a prismatic rainbow.

The crowds were colourful too, with almost as many elves as there were humans. Other races were less visible, at least in the central portions of the metropolis through which she moved. The architecture, too, was a blend of deceptively frail looking arcs, columns and plant motifs elves preferred to more functional but still opulent human buildings to the almost brutalist dedication to geometry the dwarves used.

It was honestly wonderful to walk through when there weren't aggressively Parisian French people looking disdainfully down their nose at you for daring to be in the same space as them. It was also mildly jarring. Not that she'd visited Paris, she had better taste than that, but she'd been treated to someone gushing about it endlessly and a frenchman’s groan of existential agony, so close enough!

Bois de Boulogne itself looked like a deep, natural forest just casually dropped into the middle of that metropolis, with almost a wall of trees  with gnarled roots bulging underground enough to cause veins to form in the pavement and soil. Even so, there was a path cleared between the trees and kept in good order from the otherwise unchecked encroachment of nature. An understated torii gate preceded a paved road of cobblestones leading to a courtyard with a small shrine built in it. If not for a very subtle way in which the lanterns around the main courtyard swayed, indicating electric instead of something more old fashioned, Kana could be excused for thinking it a small shrine from some out of the way village in Japan.

The shrine maiden NPC was lounging at the steps, chattering and waving at some other players coming and going around her, her uniform modified into sleeveless shirt and a skirt barely even reaching halfway to her knees.

"Hello! Your Tanuki sent me!" Kana chirped as she walked up to the woman, waving a hand, "She said you could help with some stuff~."

The shrine maiden looked up, warm amber eyes sparkling with carefree excitement and an easy grin on her face. "Oh? Mami-chan sent ya?" Unfurling a strand of brown hair from around her finger, Miko jumped to her feet in a smooth motion, resting a hand on her hip as she looked at Kana. "Guess I could use help, but I also know my Mami-chan well enough. If she send ya my way, it means ya wanna something, eh? So, kiddo, what's the deets?"

Kana nodded, recalling with a sheepish grin that she was going to have to do some sort of quest to get what she wanted out of the racial quest. Not shocking, but she'd somehow still forgotten. Then again, she was a bit of an airhead at times, so it wasn't exactly shocking.

"I'd like some assistance getting in touch with my... foxier side, as it were." Kana replied quickly, "Mami-san did say you'd probably require some help in exchange, but I'm more than willing to do that.

"Gotcha." Miko snapped her fingers before she started circling Kana, seemingly inspecting her for a moment before stopping in front of her again. "Want to ring up the boss to get them to approve of you. Doable, doable. Buuut..."

Cheerfully, she stepped back and in her place left an image floating mid-air, a wooden bowl with a pattern of rice stem rounding it. 

"A few troublemakers absconded with a tool I'd normally use for the service, y'see. I'd probably go get it soon enough, can't just leave ceremonial tools lying gods know where, but since yer invested, we might as well make a trial out of it, eh? Don't worry, it's still in Bois, and nowhere near the heart of the park." The shrine maiden added.

"A trial eh?" Kana mused, looking intently towards the bowl and carving the image into her mind, "I'm game. Do you have an idea where exactly in the park they are? How specifically do you want me to get it back?"

It was, after all, rather important to understand the parameters of the assignment you'd been given. Being a teacher and a student both had taught Kana that in spades. Couldn't have your brats saying "oh but you said we had to do this instead of that." or turn in a project only for your professor to stare at you blankly with a thousand mile stare, because you hadn't read the actual assignment.

That was never fun.

"The southwestern corner. I'd prefer you don't kill the little buggers, honestly." Miko declared while conjuring a quick mirage of the map of the park. The indicated portion was seemingly heavily wooded but with plenty of small paths crossing it. "Beyond that little requirement, as long as you bring the bowl back intact, I don't much care about the methods, got it?

"Understood." Kana agreed with a bow to the priestess. "I'll have the ritual tool back as soon as I can."

She didn't actually have a weapon or a combat Skill right now, which meant that she'd have to entirely rely on shapeshifting for the moment. Which was fine! Shapeshifting should be more than enough to deal with this problem, provided she was smart about it!

…Wait no, nix the no weapon thing. Kana definitely remembered weapons being included in chargen, which meant that she did have one. She just didn’t have a Skill for it, and using it as-is wouldn’t help for this trial. Her head was really just full of hot air and fluff sometimes.

Speaking of airheaded, she pulsed her mana before she could forget to and bungle this up. It was no faster than last time, but it still left her standing as a nondescript brunette just fine. Better to be inconspicuous.