Burrito King Yelp Review 5/5/2019

I don't have a screenshot of this one from the site, but I copied & pasted a bunch of reviews to my Google Docs. This is one of them. Enjoy!

BURRITO KING

5/5/2019

My wife is on a diet which means the whole damn house has to be on a diet too, which sucks. I came home the other day and was pretty hungry but the only food we have in the house is boxes of awful Jenny Craig meals and gluten free rice cakes and junk like that. The kids are all whiny and annoying because they're hungry too, which gets on my nerves, so before you know it, everyone is yelling and screaming at each other, so I bolt because I can't take it anymore and I need to eat.

I call the girl I've been seeing behind my wife's back when I'm in the car - don't bother with giving me a speech about monogamy because I don't want to hear it. Frankly, you can stick your lectures where the sun don't shine, okay?

When I called my side piece, she was being annoying and getting on my nerves too so I hung up on her ass! She's all hippie dippy and doesn't like the president, and is a liberal etc. But she's got a banging bod and get this - she doesn't eat Jenny Craig meals, she just eats regular food, but she doesn't eat like a whale.

I was really annoyed now, so I was driving pretty aggressively and recklessly and I hit a parked car because I was looking at my phone. My wife kept texting me just to give me crap about slamming the door when I stormed out so it was her fault. By the way, I'll slam whatever I want (including my mistress ;) because I pay for everything. She's lucky I didn't tear the door off its hinges and throw it at her car. What would she do? Call the cops? That's a laugh. Reporting a guy for breaking a door that he owns and messing up a car that he makes payments on. OK don't make me laugh.

I didn't feel like stopping to leave a note on the car I hit or whatever because nobody saw me do it and the car was a hunk of junk anyway so really who cares?

I decided to pull into the parking lot where the Burrito King is initially to hide and get some vape juice at the vape store next door but I decided to get some food too. The corner where this place is is pretty scuzzy. There was a wasted homeless guy falling all over the place and he almost got run over which was pretty funny, but he didn't. He just stumbled into traffic and crossed the street safely. It would've been hilarious to see him get creamed by a car lol.

I forget what I ordered at Burrito King but it was real good. Very greasy and cheesy, everything you're looking for in cheap Mexican food! I had to eat it on my car because there's no place to really sit down there. I don't remember what it was (maybe a enchilada?) but there was one thing in particular that was really good. I ate a bunch of stuff because I was starving and it was all great! And get this - I didn't even get the squirts AT ALL, so take that to the bank.

I have to admit I was in a way better mood after eating. I still didn't want to go home to my nagging wife and I didn't feel like dealing with my annoying girlfriend so I went to the movies and saw two movies - paid for one then snuck into another one afterwards. You have to do that to get your money's worth when they charge $20 for a movie ticket. It's not a g.d. Broadway show for crying out loud! It's just a crappy movie.

When I got home the kids were in bed, but get this, my friggin wife is on the couch shoveling ice cream in her face! Is that part of your diet? Secretly eating ten gallons of ice cream when no one's looking? Do you not gain weight if nobody sees you eating it, tubby? She was so busted, she looked so stupid with chocolate ice cream all around her mouth, eyes wide like a dog that got caught eating a cat turd. I couldn't help but snort laugh before I went downstairs and made my first of SEVERAL vodka sodas that night and drank myself into oblivion.

Get the food at Burrito King! It's good! I got some the next day too because I was hungover. Great hangover food!!!